Open RP Post

[candor1]

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[shiningstardust]

The first thing Jyn did was kick off her infernal heels and take down her hair. Once those tasks were done, she could concentrate on getting out of her dress - too showy, too ostentatious, not her - and get into her usual nightclothes. But only after she washed her face did she think she was ready to head back out into the living space.

She was being ridiculous, she chided herself, for looking forward to it. It had only been a small handful of days, she had always been okay (relatively speaking) being alone.

But now ...

She shook her head and lightly stepped from the bedroom to the living area. "All yours."

[candor1]

Cassian's transponder was safely back in his pocket by the time Jyn reemerged.

"Thanks," he said, standing, picking up his discarded jacket, and shooting her another smile as he passed her en route to the bedroom.

(It occurred to him, somewhere in there, to wonder what a formal outfit she'd actually chosen for herself would look like.)

He changed and, as ever, folded his dress uniform perfectly. The clothes he changed into were more exercise clothes: soft and breathable, not designed to be lived in, but counting on access to washing. He left his feet, still less usually, bare.

He came back out, not feeling tired out in the least. Rather, the opposite: looking forward to whatever the evening held with Jyn.

[shiningstardust]

Jyn headed toward the comfortable kitchen before sitting down - needing a drink of water to clear the cloying taste of whatever it was that she'd had at the party.

But by the time Joreth returned - looking almost as relaxed as Jyn felt, now that both weren't expected to put on a performance for an audience, she was curled up in the corner of the couch, just waiting.

"Better?", she asked, smiling from over the rim of her glass. "Come on, we have to decide what we're going to do for the rest of the night."

It wasn't early. It wasn't late. And for once, she wasn't so tired that all she wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep.

[candor1]

"Much." He crossed to the couch and sat on the other end—not crowding her, not too far away from her either. "Um… I dunno. There's always holos. Or dejarik. Or… what do you do in your free time when you're on your own?"

[shiningstardust]

It was a comfortable distance - and Jyn didn't want to seem needy by moving any closer. Personal space, and all that. "Work - ", she answered, shrugging. "Study. Sometimes I'll watch the odd holo, sometimes I read. Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I visit a gym and train. Although I don't know that I have the energy for it tonight. What about you?"

[candor1]

"Similar," he said. "I don't feel like sparring either—though that's an idea for later. What are you reading?"

[shiningstardust]

"Mm, we'll put it on a list for another time. Besides, I feel like I've gone through a few rounds after ... that", she replied, sighing. "Oh, nothing fun, I assure you. Just ... wanting to learn programming. My uncle says it's a waste of my time, but I don't think so."

[candor1]

Cassian braced his elbow on the back of the couch; leaned his head against his own hand there, so he was leaning closer to Jyn without looming in at her. "May I ask…? I've never been a woman in Imperial space, and I've been mostly on my own. Is it… usual? For an uncle to claim so much control over a niece's life?"

[shiningstardust]

Jyn smiled again, but there was little resembling any sort of contentment in it. "Honestly? I don't know. My mother died in an accident when I was young, and my father was lost in his grief. The Director had been a close friend since their Academy days, and ... I didn't have any other family to live with. So ... while my father went away to recover, he was put into guardianship over me."

She shrugged, glancing down at her hands, resting in her lap. "I'm perfectly capable of taing care of myself, but ... well, you spoke with him tonight. He's still ... invested."

Obsessed.

[candor1]

Cassian looked down at her hands, too. He didn't know what to say.

"Well," he said finally. "Like I said before. You can always use me to bolster your taking care of yourself, in his eyes. I think frustrating his… investment would give me particular satisfaction."

[shiningstardust]

When she glanced back up, her expression had shifted again. A smile, small, but real nonetheless. "I appreciate your willingness to help me frustrate him. I'll admit - I take a little bit of pleasure in doing the exact same thing."

"I would, I think, like to feel free to live my own life now, you know? I'm grateful for all that he's done for me, but ... I don't want to feel beholden to him forever."

[candor1]

Cassian brittlely wondered how much Krennic actually had done for Jyn, versus how indebted she'd been made to feel.

But all he did was unbrace his arm, and reach out to touch her hand. "That sounds good to me."

[shiningstardust]

Jyn sometimes wondered the exact same thing. Was her father really too busy to visit his only child - his only remaining family - or was he being kept away? And who else had Krennic tasked with watching over her?

But all she did was accept the touch and lean a little closer, almost as though she was seeking out the comfort all the more.

"I think I kind of like you, you know."

[candor1]

…



Cassian had been undercover before.

He'd been in relationships while undercover before.

Hell, he'd been in another relationship while under this cover, before.

No other protestation of love or commitment had ever knocked him flat the way that statement from Jyn just did.

What is wrong with you… this is not the mission… she is not…

Slowly, he spread his hand on hers. Then, not hiding the tremor in his touch, hyperaware for the barest hint of protest from her, he moved his hand up her arm, to her shoulder; then slipped around both her shoulders, as the rest of him shifted closer to follow.

[shiningstardust]

For a moment, Jyn kept completely still, not wanting to break the moment and lose the tentative contact. She only really found her breath again as she felt his hand as it moved from fingers touching to creeping from hand to shoulder and finally curled around her shoulders, motivating both of them to get a little closer, to cuddle much like they did while in bed.

"I didn't want to like you", she admitted softly, although she was sure he was already aware. "I wanted to hate you, just on principle alone. But I don't - I don't think I ever really did."

[candor1]

She moved closer, as he did; so with relief, he closed his arm around her shoulders and let his body press gently with hers.

"I never thought you'd like me, either." He let himself, for a moment, close his eyes; rest his mouth against her hair. "I felt so foolish… not knowing you but… liking you anyway.

"I'm… really, really glad, Jyn."

[shiningstardust]

Jyn didn't know how or even why, but the simple act of just being close was so reassuring that it made her forget (as much as she could) all the worries that usually weighted her down.

"I know ... that you're turning out to be nothing like what I feared you were going to be", she murmured, inhaling shakily. "I know that you're kinder and more generous than I was anticipating. I know that I sleep so much better with you than I ever did alone."

She closed her eyes and sat silent for a moment, just enjoying the proximity and how safe she felt.

"I know that I want to know you better."

[candor1]

He felt in more danger now than he ever had in battle.

Know me, then
My name is
I'm Allied with
I'm here to

Leave it. Leave it.

He closed his arms around her, loosely, gently, but with strength; knew he was shaking, too, and didn't try to hide it—if he even could. Just held her a long moment, feeling one of their hearts pounding and not able to be sure whose it was.

What could he say…? Ask me anything, though chances are good I'll have to lie

…Pfassk, he was shaking hard.

"What do you want to know?" he asked softly, finally.

[shiningstardust]

For that long moment, Jyn was just as quiet, not only to take in the feel of his arms around her, but to try to temper the beating of her heart, to find the words - any words to explain how she was feeling, or even what she wanted.

Mostly, though, she wondered worried about what was causing his trembling.

She placed a gentle hand against his his arm, pondering the question, pondering her possible questions in return, and finally decided on what she wanted to know first. "Are you scared?"

[candor1]

"… Yes."

What else could he say…? Even if he wasn't determined to tell her the truth whenever he could, he'd already rather given himself away.

Time to lie again… although…? "I've never done anything like this before."

Okay, that was actually true, if somewhat open to interpretation.

[shiningstardust]

At least she wasn't alone in how she was feeling. And Jyn didn't really know the first thing about marriage or being a wife - even though she thought she remembered a home once full of laughter - but she was starting to believe that maybe ...

Maybe she was starting to consider making it work, for real, and not just as friends.

"Me neither - ", she breathed, although she was sure that much was obvious. "And I'm scared, too."

[candor1]

Cassian softly lowered his face to rest his forehead against hers. (Wondering if he shouldn't, instead, maybe, sit back away from her instead… but it felt too hard to give up the embrace.)

"We don't have to do anything we don't both want," he said softly. "Not all at once; not ever. Right?"

[shiningstardust]

Truth be told, Jyn probably would have tried to follow. This felt good, unbelievably so, just being close, sharing comfort and the reassurance that they were no longer alone if they didn't choose to be.

Maybe it was selfish of her to want more, but then, she never had been perfect.

"Of course", she replied, just as softly. "No pressure, no expectations, I promise."

[candor1]

…Huh. He'd thought he was saying it to reassure her, but maybe it was him…

Face still close to hers, he forced himself to crack a smile. Then he sat back. I'm sorry. He couldn't go there. Not yet. Not ever?

(He'd slept with more people than he'd wanted to. He wasn't entirely sure what would happen now he did want to.)

His hand stayed gentle on her back. Couldn't sever all contact.

…Oh. He knew how to kill the mood.

I'm sorry I'm sorry.

"I… um… said I'd tell you. If you really want to know. About… Mrs Grendreef. And me."

[shiningstardust]

There was nothing wrong with a little mutual reassurance. And Jyn wanted Joreth to know that there would never be any pressure from her to jump into things that neither were ready for or that both didn't want.

Although, it was getting harder to deny that there wasn't an attraction there, that they didn't gravitate toward each other, especially in bed. She wanted ... but she didn't feel brave enough to voice that want, to do something about it.

Joreth pulled away. Jyn wanted to follow. But as he mentioned the Admiral's wife - mrs grendreef and me - and there was little doubt in her mind about what those few little words could possibly mean. She might not have had much (any) experience with sex or love, but she was very well aware of how things worked behind the scenes, she knew the types of favors that were exchanged behind closed doors, and how it was the easiest way to get a leg up on the competition. He was a career officer, after all, and that's just the way things were done.

So why was it so painful to hear those four words together? Although she didn't move away, her demeanor changed instantly as she put her carefully constructed walls back in place in an attempt to shield herself from the worst of it. So, her suspicion had been correct. She hadn't misread the looks she had seen the Admiral's wife point Joreth's way - or the animosity she had felt directed toward her while they'd briefly spoken. As much as she hadn't wanted to be ... Jyn had been right.

"You're sleeping with her."