candor1 | Open RP Post

From:

Cassian softly lowered his face to rest his forehead against hers. (Wondering if he shouldn't, instead, maybe, sit back away from her instead… but it felt too hard to give up the embrace.)

"We don't have to do anything we don't both want," he said softly. "Not all at once; not ever. Right?"

From:

shiningstardust

Truth be told, Jyn probably would have tried to follow. This felt good, unbelievably so, just being close, sharing comfort and the reassurance that they were no longer alone if they didn't choose to be.

Maybe it was selfish of her to want more, but then, she never had been perfect.

"Of course", she replied, just as softly. "No pressure, no expectations, I promise."

From:

candor1

…Huh. He'd thought he was saying it to reassure her, but maybe it was him…

Face still close to hers, he forced himself to crack a smile. Then he sat back. I'm sorry. He couldn't go there. Not yet. Not ever?

(He'd slept with more people than he'd wanted to. He wasn't entirely sure what would happen now he did want to.)

His hand stayed gentle on her back. Couldn't sever all contact.

…Oh. He knew how to kill the mood.

I'm sorry I'm sorry.

"I… um… said I'd tell you. If you really want to know. About… Mrs Grendreef. And me."

From:

shiningstardust

There was nothing wrong with a little mutual reassurance. And Jyn wanted Joreth to know that there would never be any pressure from her to jump into things that neither were ready for or that both didn't want.

Although, it was getting harder to deny that there wasn't an attraction there, that they didn't gravitate toward each other, especially in bed. She wanted ... but she didn't feel brave enough to voice that want, to do something about it.

Joreth pulled away. Jyn wanted to follow. But as he mentioned the Admiral's wife - mrs grendreef and me - and there was little doubt in her mind about what those few little words could possibly mean. She might not have had much (any) experience with sex or love, but she was very well aware of how things worked behind the scenes, she knew the types of favors that were exchanged behind closed doors, and how it was the easiest way to get a leg up on the competition. He was a career officer, after all, and that's just the way things were done.

So why was it so painful to hear those four words together? Although she didn't move away, her demeanor changed instantly as she put her carefully constructed walls back in place in an attempt to shield herself from the worst of it. So, her suspicion had been correct. She hadn't misread the looks she had seen the Admiral's wife point Joreth's way - or the animosity she had felt directed toward her while they'd briefly spoken. As much as she hadn't wanted to be ... Jyn had been right.

"You're sleeping with her."

From:

candor1

"Was. It stopped when you and I got engaged." Should he say the next, or was it just a kind of excuse-making…? "She was blackmailing me."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn's brow furrowed in her confusion. "Why would she need to do that?", she asked, and then, soon afterward - "Why are you telling me this?"

From:

candor1

"'Why would she need…'? 'Cuckold my S.O.' hadn't been on my to-do list." Again, not sure what he should say—probably none of it but too late. "And we weren't particularly… interested in each other. Beyond, I think, convenience, for her."

Why indeed… "I'm not sure. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have. I guess… it felt like lying. At your expense. Being in a room with both of you and you being the only one of the three of us that didn't know."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn cringed inwardly. She hadn't meant to sound so ... what? Crass? Dismissive? She hated the gnawing guilt that began eating at her from the inside out. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded", she offered haltingly, apologetically. "It must be difficult for a woman in her position. And - for you, to be put in that position."

She sighed, but didn't move away. Still didn't let those walls back down, but perhaps that was to be expected. "I ... appreciate it. That ... you want to be honest with me. I suppose I just wasn't expecting to hear it, that's all."

From:

candor1

Why should she feel guilty?

She was being remarkable… but he felt he'd done something horrible.

He let his hand fall away from her, as his other came up to cover his eyes. "Thank you. Sorry. …Maybe I should leave things until you ask."

From:

shiningstardust

Jumping to conclusions never led to anywhere good. And making assumptions was even worse.

She felt like she had been unnecessarily harsh, and while they had started all of this on a positive note, now she wasn't quite so sure. She felt like she had ruined everything.

Especially as he let his hand drop, and hid his eyes with the other, and the guilt started gnawing at her all the more hungrily. "I don't think I would have asked about that, but - I ... I'm grateful for your honesty. And ... I don't want you to feel uncomfortable being honest with me. So ... for the sake of transparency, you should know that I'm not sleeping with anyone. I never have - although many people have tried, whether it was with sweet-talk or attempted coercion. It's not that I didn't want to, it's just ... I didn't know who I could trust. So. Now you know."

From:

candor1

He looked at her over his own hand, managing a smile.

Trust. It kept coming back to trust.

"That's well done." That she'd kept her own say in the matter. He'd given up his choices and comforts for it long ago.

"I've ruined the evening, a bit."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn shared her own, small but hopefully as reassuring as she meant for it to be.

She didn't like thinking about her own predicament, how lonely she had grown up feeling, how it still colored every interaction she had now. She especially didn't like to think about how forceful some of those people had been when it had come to 'courting' her - how forceful she had to be in return to dissuade them from continuing to try.

"You really haven't. Some things are ... harder to speak about than others. If you want, you can ask me something now, so we can try to get back on track."

From:

candor1

He exhaled a more genuine laugh. "You're amazing. …All right…" Something he'd be able to answer, too, if turned back on him… "Favorite childhood toy?"

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn didn't know about that, and her surprised huff of breath was probably enough clue about it. "You'll laugh, I think. It was a little stuffed tooka that Papa made for me. He made many of my toys when I was little. Now you."

From:

candor1

"Most of the toys at Carida were" indoctrination "educational. But I had one that looked like a security droid that I'd confide in."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn hummed quietly, slowly letting the newfound tension drain and dissipate in order to relax as much as she could. "Kept all your secrets safe, did it? My cat did, too. Made me feel safe when I was scared."

From:

candor1

"I wasn't looking for secret-keeping as much as... an advocate, I think. Someone to talk to my father on my behalf." A self-conscious smile. "Didn't really work, as you could guess. What was your cat's name?"

From:

shiningstardust

"We all need someone to look out for us from time to time", she answered, shrugging gently. "Even if it didn't work, at least he tried. Oh, you'll definitely laugh now - I named it Tookie. That being said, I was little, and I realize that's not the most creative name."

From:

candor1

He did laugh, at that. "Sorry… it's not bad at all, it just made me think of calling a tooka-cat 'Wookiee'."

From:

shiningstardust

"It is bad, and you should say it - ", Jyn replied, laughing a little in response. "But I think you're on to something. We're definitely keeping Wookiee on the shortlist of names for our new addition."

From:

candor1

As long as we don't offend an actual one. …No, he wouldn't say that; Wookiees had been slaves of the Empire, so their sympathies now were with the Alliance, and an Imperial wouldn't care what one thought.

(Much less have once freed three.)

"Should we make a list?"

From:

shiningstardust

...

Jyn would've cared. Slavery was not exactly a practice that she condoned, even if she was part of the faction doing the enslaving. But hearing more and more stories of atrocities committed by people who thought they were somehow in the right was exactly what was turning toward what her uncle and so many others would consider the enemy.

"Now? Before we even meet our new little friend?"

From:

candor1

"No," he conceded, "I guess not."

Lightly, perhaps tentatively, his hand brushed her back, again. "We could check the HoloNet. I've been falling behind on the news." Angry as it made him, it was good to keep up with what the Empire made common knowledge, and how it spun them.

From:

shiningstardust

Talk about killing the mood.

But Jyn didn't deny the suggestion or even make one of her own. Instead, she sighed, and nodded her agreement. It wouldn't be relaxing, that's for sure, but it probably was important to know what was going on.

"Of course."