On the one hand: how wonderful, that she'd had that kind of relationship with a parent. On the other hand… also sounded terribly lonely.
What had he wanted to be… there was no honest answer to that. He'd been a soldier. He didn't want things for himself. And he hadn't expected to grow up.
Sward's answer, though, was easy. "An admiral of my own ship." Boring answer, anyway. "What kind of holos do you like?"
For most of what little time she had been granted with her father, he had been busy working or grieving the loss of her mother. So it hadn't been as wonderful as she might have made it sound.
Still, she missed him deeply.
"Ah - ", she answered, shrugging. "You're a career man, then." That wasn't much of a surprise to hear - he wouldn't have married her if it hadn't been a chance for advancement. "I ... wasn't allowed to watch very many of them when I was little, so ... I like them all. Fantasy adventures, whatever is easiest to get lost in."
Wasn't allowed…? He opened his mouth to follow up, but that was when their meals arrived.
Cassian was relieved to find he could eat, now, without much forcing. Though he was far more interested in continuing the… game, or whatever it was, with Jyn. He waited, though, 'til the server was safely gone. "What did you want to be when you grew up?"
Wasn't allowed. Lonely, sheltered, and also made to spend most of her time studying, encouraged to nurture what was sure to be an exceptional intellect, inherited from her parents - both of them.
Jyn wasn't starving, for sure, but when her plate was set in front of her, she found that her stomach growled softly nonetheless. At least she could try to enjoy her food without forcing herself to do so.
"I don't know if I wanted to be any one thing in particular, but I - ", here she paused, trying to gauge him carefully, how he might react to hearing the truth. "I suppose what I dreamed about the most was sneaking onto some ship heading anywhere and just ... traveling."
She shrugged, huffed out a breath, and focused on her food. "Do you have any hobbies?"
It was a tempting offer - and Jyn didn't know yet if Joreth was the type of man who didn't deserve a runaway wife, but if she had the chance -
If there was even a hint of opportunity ...
She might disappear and never even think about returning.
If there was a whisper of breathlessness in her voice, Jyn brought no attention to it. "I don't know - I hear Naboo has unparalleled beauty. Where would you want to go?"
Jyn was already daydreaming about jumping ship and making a run for it. It would never come to pass, of course, not with so many eyes on her, courtesy of the Director, but it made for a nice dream, regardless.
At least until she woke and realized just how trapped she still was.
Yavin 4 Fest Alderaan Kashyyyk Charissia Pakrik Minor
"I really don't know," he said. "I guess I" [Sward] "would like, someday, to find somewhere new."
He looked into her eyes again, with the same intensity of wanting her to see he meant it. "I'm serious about Naboo, if you are. Shall we talk about it again after we've had a chance to—" (sleep on it) "—think about it?"
It was really all that Jyn wanted, too. Unfortunately, she was of the belief that no matter where she went, she would never truly be out of the Empire's reach.
After a moment - when she remembered how to - Jyn nodded her agreement. "I would like that, thank you. Maybe my uncle will be kind and allow me the time."
Jyn tried not to show her disdain for the man that had practically raised her (kept her captive) but there was no helping the bitterness that colored her tone. "Well. I am his protege, after all."
Cassian's frown morphed into one raised eyebrow. "Okay… but in terms of legality and societal expectation…" How could he put this in a way he found tolerable? "…I'm pretty sure you can now use me as an excuse to not comply to all his wishes."
Had they not just had a little bit of a conversation about how Jyn hadn't chosen whether or not she wanted to be married? Jyn feared that she would always find herself under the Director's thumb. "In any case, it's probably worth a try. Just - don't be surprised if my time off requests are denied."
It occurred to him to try and say this out loud. Though once again, it was tough.
He set down his fork and leaned forward, not entirely looking at her, keeping his voice very low.
"I don't want this to be the power dynamic between us. But as far as anyone else needs to know our business…" [Imperial] "law and custom is that husband outranks any other male family member in control over a woman's life."
(Made him feel dirty even saying it, but it wouldn't Sward.)
"If you could avoid doing anything that would get me—" as Sward, he had to include— "demoted," but mainly: "arrested or executed, that would be great. But… since we're not actually going to do things that way… you can use it. I'm not going to try to tell you what to do. But I can always be your alibi to empower whatever you choose to do. …Do you get what I'm trying to say?"
Jyn couldn't decide whether she could trust Joreth or not. What if Krennic had already recruited him as another handler? What if he was just trying to win her trust until she inevitably made a mistake and got caught doing so?
He couldn't possibly care this much about a woman he had known a few short handful of hours. And what reward was he expecting for saying such things, offering her the only sense of freedom she might ever now?
She rankled a bit at the bit about power dynamics, but she knew it was true. Women, even highly lauded ones, were not seen as equal to their spouses. So even though she was the more decorated of the two, she was still considered a second-class citizen.
"He's not even my real uncle - ", she found herself saying, in the moment before she caught herself and zipped her lips. "Why? Why would you do that for me?"
He shrugged, still not quite looking at her, looking uncomfortable.
(Which he was, for all the reasons, but he was letting it show because this was Sward going a little against the Imperial grain.)
"Our marriage benefits me. We both know how. It does that no matter how we actually treat each other. Seems only fair it benefit you, too. Right? —In any case, I'm not going to do it any other way. I don't want power over you. I've never understood how anyone can… enjoy that.
"…I see this going one of two ways: we keep out of each other's way, or we actually… become… I dunno. Friends. Either way, we conduct our own lives. With the extra status this—" again, he gestured to both of them "—gives us. I don't know about you, but I don't see it helping my career to come home to feeling horrible about each other and ourselves."
Jyn was still wary - and she had every right to be - but ... unless Joreth was one hell of a convincing actor, unless she was getting soft when she should have been fortifying the walls she'd been building her entire life ...
She was more inclined to believe him.
Jyn swallowed hard, but listened closely, nodding her understanding and her agreement. Maybe this would lead to total disaster, being complacent when she had no real proof that she could trust him, but ... he seemed so earnest and truthful ...
"I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles", she offered. To anyone looking on, it would seem as though they were having a perfectly normal - a mundane - conversation. "I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend."
… unless Joreth was one hell of a convincing actor… —(which he was. But part of how was knowing when to tell the truth.)
I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles —(oh, Force, me too)
I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend. —He finally looked up at her, and smiled, again. Yes, please. On impulse, he picked up his glass and raised it, just a little, to her. "Then: I'm pleased to meet you, Jyn Erso."
Jyn might end up regretting it in the end, but this was the culmination of a very long handful of years that were marked with arguments and threats and downright nastiness, and she was so very tired. Just this once, maybe, she could trust, and maybe - maybe she wouldn't pay for it in the end.
She laughed softly as she returned the gesture, nodding. "I'm pleased to meet you, too, Joreth Sward."
For just a moment, he was tempted to tell her to call him Cassian. Say it was Sward's middle name or something. No. Stop. Dammit, this was more dangerous than he'd thought. She was. Because he was wanting things—like to give her more honesty and hear her say his real name. But part of what was drawing him to her so strongly was her intelligence; an innate strength he could sense in her; that she was a survivor and would make the most of any tools at her disposal. So he could even less afford to give her anything that she could research and make use of. Whether she might prove sympathetic or not. He couldn't let that be anyone's decision but his own.
Much as he genuinely wanted what he'd said. A friend.
(You have one. He's big and blunt and black and waiting for your next check-in at the shuttle. Trust no one else.)
He pushed all that aside. And smiled, and took a sip of his drink.
Setting it down—"Should we continue our game? I think you asked me about hobbies? Or we can take a break and talk about something mundane."
Jyn followed suit, setting her glass back down in order to focus on her plate - not that her appetite had fully returned, but it did smell amazing, and she could put in a marginal amount of effort to try and prove that she was as okay as she was trying to project.
She was far from okay, but at least she felt a little more hopeful than she had at the beginning of the morning. And maybe that was something to hold on to.
"Isn't asking about hobbies as mundane as it comes?", she asked, an eyebrow slowly raising wryly. "What's your idea of mundane?"
"That's true," he granted, mouth curving in a half-smile. "Mine are, anyway. I like dejarik better than sabacc, though I'll play with officers. I don't read as much as I should. I like maps. I listen to comm chatter or holos as I fall asleep."
…He was so busy monitoring what he said for character continuity, he'd forgotten to monitor for the remaining awkwardness of their situation. It caught up to him a moment too late. He wondered if he should say, As long as it won't disturb you, or if that itself was assuming too much. Like that they'd be sleeping in the same room.
"It would be more mundane if you had no interest in anything at all", she replied, shrugging. "Besides, I'm sure that there are worse hobbies to have. I like reading - studying. I've seen so few holos that I wouldn't mind watching more. And if you're looking for games, I'm sure you can easily find them. Depending on your skill level and how many drinks they've had, you might win a few extra credits."
Jyn was already assuming that they would share a room - they had to, after all, unless he was planning on sleeping on the couch. And while the thought was a little uncomfortable, it was only because she was far more used to being by herself.
He was planning on sleeping on the couch. But they'd talk about that when it came up. The fact that she didn't even blink was reassuring, even though he didn't know how to interpret it. That was okay. Intentions weren't how things in the universe played out, but they were well into proving they could and would talk things through with each other.
"Here's one of my dark secrets," he said, face quite serious. "Could get me into trouble." Quite possibly, beyond just teasing. Might be bad for keeping trust, with the expectations (and definitions of manhood) Imperial officers put on. But safe to share with her. "But… I don't really like to drink."
It wasn't just an issue of safety or security. He was pretty good at keeping ahold of himself under various influences—anti-interrogation training. It was more that, lowering the shields on his own mind was really not enjoyable.
"I'm pretty good at stretching out one drink and making it seem like I'm having more than I am. Don't tell anyone, okay?"
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What had he wanted to be… there was no honest answer to that. He'd been a soldier. He didn't want things for himself. And he hadn't expected to grow up.
Sward's answer, though, was easy. "An admiral of my own ship." Boring answer, anyway. "What kind of holos do you like?"
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Still, she missed him deeply.
"Ah - ", she answered, shrugging. "You're a career man, then." That wasn't much of a surprise to hear - he wouldn't have married her if it hadn't been a chance for advancement. "I ... wasn't allowed to watch very many of them when I was little, so ... I like them all. Fantasy adventures, whatever is easiest to get lost in."
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Cassian was relieved to find he could eat, now, without much forcing. Though he was far more interested in continuing the… game, or whatever it was, with Jyn. He waited, though, 'til the server was safely gone. "What did you want to be when you grew up?"
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Jyn wasn't starving, for sure, but when her plate was set in front of her, she found that her stomach growled softly nonetheless. At least she could try to enjoy her food without forcing herself to do so.
"I don't know if I wanted to be any one thing in particular, but I - ", here she paused, trying to gauge him carefully, how he might react to hearing the truth. "I suppose what I dreamed about the most was sneaking onto some ship heading anywhere and just ... traveling."
She shrugged, huffed out a breath, and focused on her food. "Do you have any hobbies?"
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Can't take anyone with you.
…At least, don't think about it right now.
But…
Cassian looked at her thoughtfully. "You know… we're allowed a honeymoon. I hadn't thought about it, but… If you could go anywhere…?"
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If there was even a hint of opportunity ...
She might disappear and never even think about returning.
If there was a whisper of breathlessness in her voice, Jyn brought no attention to it. "I don't know - I hear Naboo has unparalleled beauty. Where would you want to go?"
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"Naboo would work for me," he answered. "I've never been there."
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At least until she woke and realized just how trapped she still was.
"Where would you go, if you could?"
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Fest
Alderaan
Kashyyyk
Charissia
Pakrik Minor
"I really don't know," he said. "I guess I" [Sward] "would like, someday, to find somewhere new."
He looked into her eyes again, with the same intensity of wanting her to see he meant it. "I'm serious about Naboo, if you are. Shall we talk about it again after we've had a chance to—" (sleep on it) "—think about it?"
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It was really all that Jyn wanted, too. Unfortunately, she was of the belief that no matter where she went, she would never truly be out of the Empire's reach.
After a moment - when she remembered how to - Jyn nodded her agreement. "I would like that, thank you. Maybe my uncle will be kind and allow me the time."
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It occurred to him to try and say this out loud. Though once again, it was tough.
He set down his fork and leaned forward, not entirely looking at her, keeping his voice very low.
"I don't want this to be the power dynamic between us. But as far as anyone else needs to know our business…" [Imperial] "law and custom is that husband outranks any other male family member in control over a woman's life."
(Made him feel dirty even saying it, but it wouldn't Sward.)
"If you could avoid doing anything that would get me—" as Sward, he had to include— "demoted," but mainly: "arrested or executed, that would be great. But… since we're not actually going to do things that way… you can use it. I'm not going to try to tell you what to do. But I can always be your alibi to empower whatever you choose to do. …Do you get what I'm trying to say?"
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He couldn't possibly care this much about a woman he had known a few short handful of hours. And what reward was he expecting for saying such things, offering her the only sense of freedom she might ever now?
She rankled a bit at the bit about power dynamics, but she knew it was true. Women, even highly lauded ones, were not seen as equal to their spouses. So even though she was the more decorated of the two, she was still considered a second-class citizen.
"He's not even my real uncle - ", she found herself saying, in the moment before she caught herself and zipped her lips. "Why? Why would you do that for me?"
What do you want in return?
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(Which he was, for all the reasons, but he was letting it show because this was Sward going a little against the Imperial grain.)
"Our marriage benefits me. We both know how. It does that no matter how we actually treat each other. Seems only fair it benefit you, too. Right? —In any case, I'm not going to do it any other way. I don't want power over you. I've never understood how anyone can… enjoy that.
"…I see this going one of two ways: we keep out of each other's way, or we actually… become… I dunno. Friends. Either way, we conduct our own lives. With the extra status this—" again, he gestured to both of them "—gives us. I don't know about you, but I don't see it helping my career to come home to feeling horrible about each other and ourselves."
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She was more inclined to believe him.
Jyn swallowed hard, but listened closely, nodding her understanding and her agreement. Maybe this would lead to total disaster, being complacent when she had no real proof that she could trust him, but ... he seemed so earnest and truthful ...
"I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles", she offered. To anyone looking on, it would seem as though they were having a perfectly normal - a mundane - conversation. "I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend."
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I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles —(oh, Force, me too)
I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend. —He finally looked up at her, and smiled, again. Yes, please. On impulse, he picked up his glass and raised it, just a little, to her. "Then: I'm pleased to meet you, Jyn Erso."
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She laughed softly as she returned the gesture, nodding. "I'm pleased to meet you, too, Joreth Sward."
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Much as he genuinely wanted what he'd said. A friend.
(You have one. He's big and blunt and black and waiting for your next check-in at the shuttle. Trust no one else.)
He pushed all that aside. And smiled, and took a sip of his drink.
Setting it down—"Should we continue our game? I think you asked me about hobbies? Or we can take a break and talk about something mundane."
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She was far from okay, but at least she felt a little more hopeful than she had at the beginning of the morning. And maybe that was something to hold on to.
"Isn't asking about hobbies as mundane as it comes?", she asked, an eyebrow slowly raising wryly. "What's your idea of mundane?"
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…He was so busy monitoring what he said for character continuity, he'd forgotten to monitor for the remaining awkwardness of their situation. It caught up to him a moment too late. He wondered if he should say, As long as it won't disturb you, or if that itself was assuming too much. Like that they'd be sleeping in the same room.
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Jyn was already assuming that they would share a room - they had to, after all, unless he was planning on sleeping on the couch. And while the thought was a little uncomfortable, it was only because she was far more used to being by herself.
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"Here's one of my dark secrets," he said, face quite serious. "Could get me into trouble." Quite possibly, beyond just teasing. Might be bad for keeping trust, with the expectations (and definitions of manhood) Imperial officers put on. But safe to share with her. "But… I don't really like to drink."
It wasn't just an issue of safety or security. He was pretty good at keeping ahold of himself under various influences—anti-interrogation training. It was more that, lowering the shields on his own mind was really not enjoyable.
"I'm pretty good at stretching out one drink and making it seem like I'm having more than I am. Don't tell anyone, okay?"
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cw: past violence & noncon -- LMK if this is okay?
hahaha who needs a heart anyway
d'awww <3
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