"It would be more mundane if you had no interest in anything at all", she replied, shrugging. "Besides, I'm sure that there are worse hobbies to have. I like reading - studying. I've seen so few holos that I wouldn't mind watching more. And if you're looking for games, I'm sure you can easily find them. Depending on your skill level and how many drinks they've had, you might win a few extra credits."
Jyn was already assuming that they would share a room - they had to, after all, unless he was planning on sleeping on the couch. And while the thought was a little uncomfortable, it was only because she was far more used to being by herself.
He was planning on sleeping on the couch. But they'd talk about that when it came up. The fact that she didn't even blink was reassuring, even though he didn't know how to interpret it. That was okay. Intentions weren't how things in the universe played out, but they were well into proving they could and would talk things through with each other.
"Here's one of my dark secrets," he said, face quite serious. "Could get me into trouble." Quite possibly, beyond just teasing. Might be bad for keeping trust, with the expectations (and definitions of manhood) Imperial officers put on. But safe to share with her. "But… I don't really like to drink."
It wasn't just an issue of safety or security. He was pretty good at keeping ahold of himself under various influences—anti-interrogation training. It was more that, lowering the shields on his own mind was really not enjoyable.
"I'm pretty good at stretching out one drink and making it seem like I'm having more than I am. Don't tell anyone, okay?"
So far, Joreth was proving to be everything that Jyn hadn't been expecting to be. So, yes, it would surprise her when the time came and he did the chivalrous thing, but she would appreciate not being expected to ... do anything that she wasn't ready to do, even if it was the expected thing.
She leaned in closer, even though she was almost certain that his dark secret wasn't nearly as dire as he suggested it might be. Clearly, though, the secret was not entirely a joke, and Jyn knew as well as anyone that any sign of weakness could be exploited, and that bullying absolutely occurred no matter how high up the rank one went.
"Your secret is safe with me", she answered, nodding gently. "If you don't tell anyone that I feel the same."
She would hate to consider what might happen if she was not in control of her faculties and other had ulterior motives.
"Good", she answered, her smile small and fleeting, but genuine. For once, a little of the weight on her shoulders lifted. For once, she didn't feel like she had to say the expected and accepted things. For once, she felt that maybe it was alright to be herself ... a little at a time.
"Good. We should eat if we don't want our food to go cold."
[ooc: Yes, go ahead! I think dinner was a success.]
The rest of dinner passed… surprisingly comfortably. The conversation drifted to more casual places, but they talked as if they'd known each other much longer than they actually did. There were even a few silences that felt compatible, not weighted or strange. Cassian not only didn't have to force himself to eat, but was surprised when he looked down and found he'd finished his meal. He hadn't been paying attention to it.
(Only to her.)
He didn't overthink paying for the meal; he'd invited her, after all. They'd figure out joint and/or separate credit accounts later. When he offered his arm on the way out, it was with another conspiratorial smile; the pageant more firmly a shared joke they were playing on everyone else, not something they had to do for one another.
They took the long way back, walking off the meal, taking in some of the sights of the city. Maybe also delaying having to figure out anything else this evening.
But finally, they were back at… their apartment. Cassian opened the door, but stood still a moment in the hall, just looking in.
Jyn hadn't really even noticed how much time had passed until she went to take another bite ... and found nothing left on her plate. It had been a nice conversation - mundane topics and not, and even when there were silences, they didn't feel as awkward as she feared they might.
Maybe the turning point had been the agreement to try to be friends (the admission that maybe, they were both lonelier than they were projecting) and to make their marriage comfortable for each other rather than perpetuating the expectations beind held over them.
It was nice to talk, and it was nice to walk, and some of the important decisions - like credit accounts - could wait for later. Jyn hadn't worried about that ... but she had insisted that the next time, she would pay. It was only fair, after all.
She was sure there were eyes on them, whether they were paid to be or not, and maybe she took some pleasure in subverting whatever their audience had been anticipating them to do, or act, or be.
But soon enough, they had reached their building again, and there was their door, and Jyn fet a little apprehensive, as well, even though she wasn't expecting anything to happen once they stepped through. Some rest, hopefully, because if she knew anything for certain, it was that she was exhausted.
"Yeah," he agreed. He sensed her apprehension, and felt a little better that it wasn't just him. He shot her a small, understanding smile. "Well… shall we?"
"It's probably for the best", she answered, an eyebrow raising wryly. "People would think us odd if we spent the night out here." Not that she much cared what most others thought about her.
With a deep breath, Jyn followed suit. In the grand scheme of things, it was just an apartment - a nice one - and there was nothing to really be afraid of. Still, there was a heaviness when she thought of it as theirs, that for all intents and purposes, she would not be just her anymore.
Even though they'd just spent hours talking, Cassian found he wasn't sure how to say what came next. Finally, he settled on action. Throwing her another smile, he ducked his head and went into the bedroom. Only to reemerge a few minutes later, minus his jacket and boots, plus one of the pillows and a spare blanket. "Don't know about you… I'm ready to call it a night." He set the pillow on one end of the couch, then sat down beside it, starting to unfold the blanket.
Jyn spent the few minutes Joreth was gone getting a little more comfortable. She kicked her boots off near the doorway - and left them right where they landed. She shrugged out of her vest and left it unceremoniously sitting on the back of a chair. She wasn't a messy person by nature, but she was tired, and there those things would sit until she picked them up, ostensibly in the morning.
And then he returned, with blanket and pillow in hand, and for as much as Jyn prided herself on being able to keep her expressions in check, her confusion was probably pretty palpable.
He nodded. "I've had worse. By a lot." He'd stuck his comm and transponder in his trouser pocket when he removed his jacket. He removed them now, setting both on the end table. "I said I listened to things falling asleep… but let me know if it's too loud. Okay?"
"Yeah, I - I'm sure it will be fine", she answered, distracted, the little knot between her eyes growing deeper as she frowned. "Are you sure that you want to sleep out here? The bed is big enough for two, and - we're both adults, I think we can handle sharing it."
Not that she was insisting! Not that she would push. She was just surprised.
He hesitated. Then he shook his head. "Thanks for offering. May take you up on it tomorrow. I think this'll be simpler, to start." He smiled more ruefully. "Anyway. You might regret it. Sometimes I move around, or talk, in my sleep."
(Or… y'know… cry… or scream…)
He wasn't worried about spilling anything too sensitive in his sleep—never that coherent—but it was where he had the least control, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.
All things considered, the explanation was believable, at least. "I kick, so maybe it's for the best", she offered, her frown slowly fading as she shrugged apologetically. "But it is your bed, too. So - when you're ready."
Jyn wasn't worried about the kicking, though. The nightmares were another story altogether, and much harder to explain, not that she was ready to do so ... not that she ever would be.
Mostly, she was worried that in her sleep, she might seek him out for comfort, and how could she possibly explain that away. She cleared her throat and took a small step backward. "Well, then. I think this is good night."
…And that was what he was really worried about, too. Turning to her and… Did it make it better or worse that they both…?
He was glad, though, that they'd both smiled so much today. Not expected, and not, he had a feeling, something either of them did lightly. He was glad he could smile so easily now. "Good night, Jyn. …Thank you."
It would be foolish to assume that he felt the same sense of loneliness that she did - that he needed the comfort of simple contact like she did, that he had gotten something out of sharing his arm with her as they'd walked back from dinner, even though she knew, logically speaking, that it had mostly been a performative gesture done for the benefit of the pairs of eyes that had surely been watching.
It felt hopeful that they had reached an understanding - and it had been more than she had allowed herself to expect. So at least she felt like she could breathe a little bit and at least most of the smiles she had shared had not been just for show.
She wasn't sure what Joreth was thanking her for, but instead of making a self-deprecating joke or even incredulously asking why, Jyn just nodded and murmured the same. It had been a long day, and she was sure that she was not the only one that needed some rest.
"Sleep well", she offered as she took another step away. Who knew what the next day was going to bring, after all?
Running down the Academy steps to the motionless body, shrunken in collapse, the swirling starscape of its face gone flat; trying to take shelter behind it as explosions went off; standing over it and trying to defend it with a toy blaster, while bigger bodies ran past and knocked him over without noticing he was there
Squeezing into a Republic war machine, nearly losing his arm in the gears, managing to deposit a handful of pebbles and grit, the nightmare of claustrophobia and crushing machinery; only just getting himself back out in time, before it stuck and exploded; then realizing that he'd just killed the operators
Xilo looking at him from the wrong side of the lines, motionless but for her hair in the breeze; then her hand, so subtly, moving to the hidden detonator on her thigh; and her mouth shaped the syllable: Run
One grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face into the console; two others grabbed and pinned his wrists; another kicked his feet apart from behind, as they ripped down his fatigues; and it took all he had not to scream into his hidden comm for Kay to save him from what was about to happen
The parade of faces: with a smoking blaster burn where an eyeball should be, a caved-in skull, skin discolored from drowning or strangling, knife wounds, bruises, garrote, electrocution; Some clearly done in unavoidable defense. Some in mortal combat. Some with coldblooded surgical precision; or simply abandoned, not saved
From the couch, outside the bedroom, the sounds Cassian was making were loud enough to be heard inside; groans and cries and jumbled words in several languages, some that might be names—Khryw, Lyyxo, Surat, Draven, Xilo, Narede, Dorosz, Farir, d'Djiera, Kay—and thuds from his feet or his fists.
(And the conclusion that 'Talk in my sleep' had been a hell of an understatement.)
Jyn wasn't a heavy sleeper. At first, the little noises from beyond the door weren't bothersome at all - Joreth had informed her, after all, that he tended to listen to things in order to help him sleep.
But after a while, the noises were too much to ignore - not that Jyn was so callous to ignore someone when they were clearly in pain - and what she heard from the living quarters were desperate and terrified.
She slipped out of bed and pulled her thin robe on, careful as she tiptoed from the bedroom and out toward the couch. Her heart sank as in the dim light, she watched Joreth so tormented by whatever dreams he was having. What was she supposed to do in a situation like this? Was she supposed to let it pass on its own, was she supposed to try to wake him? What would leave him in the least amount of distress?
She couldn't stand to do nothing while he was clearly in pain. Carefully, cautiously, she crept closer, her voice as even as she could make it while she spoke to him in the hopes that it would get through whatever was wreaking havoc in his mind.
"Joreth, it's Jyn - you're having a nightmare", she started, her voice slowly raising in volume the closer she crept. She wouldn't sit next to him, not knowing how he would react to being touched, violently or otherwise. "But I'm here and I want to help you wake up. I'm afraid you might hurt yourself if you don't. If you can hear me, say something. Come on, wake up, you have to wake up. Wake up!"
Jyn looking up at him from below Simultaneously wary and trusting His hand moving to touch her face Instead finding, against his will, it going to her throat—
Then she spoke loudly. He started, and woke.
He blinked, staring at the back of the couch, trembling, trying to sort out his jumbled mind.
Slowly, he turned his head… and yes, she was there.
Pfassk… kriff… what did I say…? did she…?
One part humiliated, one part touched, three parts wondering how (and whether) to play this off…
He lifted his hand to rub over his face, partly to rouse himself, partly to hide it from her. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry."
She was there, sleep-rumpled but mostly concerned for her husband. Thankfully, though, it didn't take much more effort to cut through whatever dreams (memories) were tormenting him. He stilled, and other than the sound of his breathing for a long moment, all was quiet.
He turned his head to take her in, and Jyn felt a wave of relief wash over her - that was a good sign, right, that he was coherent and cognizant and safe from whatever he had been afraid of.
"Oh, thank the Force", she breathed, hardly even thinking about the implication of the words, shaking her head as he apologized, as though there was anything to apologize for. "It's alright", she tried to soothe, awkwardly, unsure of what she was allowed to do or to say, but wanting to help out somehow. "I'm here. You're going to be okay."
He wanted, suddenly, to climb into her (their) bed, wrap his arms around her, and fall back to sleep in her embrace. Thinking: that was the only way he could find real quiet and rest.
You don't know her. Stop it now.
He didn't want to, but he had to find out. Make sure he didn't need to do damage control. "Did I say anything?"
She wanted, momentarily, to invite him into her (their) bed, find a way to curl up close enough to offer comfort, and fall asleep in an effort to get some rest while it was still late enough (early enough?) to do so.
But she didn't know him, and didn't know that if he would see it as patronizing to extend the offer.
"Not as far as I could tell", she replied, taking a seat at the end of the couch, a soft sigh escaping her lips "Just - just noises."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:00 am (UTC)Jyn was already assuming that they would share a room - they had to, after all, unless he was planning on sleeping on the couch. And while the thought was a little uncomfortable, it was only because she was far more used to being by herself.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:09 am (UTC)"Here's one of my dark secrets," he said, face quite serious. "Could get me into trouble." Quite possibly, beyond just teasing. Might be bad for keeping trust, with the expectations (and definitions of manhood) Imperial officers put on. But safe to share with her. "But… I don't really like to drink."
It wasn't just an issue of safety or security. He was pretty good at keeping ahold of himself under various influences—anti-interrogation training. It was more that, lowering the shields on his own mind was really not enjoyable.
"I'm pretty good at stretching out one drink and making it seem like I'm having more than I am. Don't tell anyone, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:44 am (UTC)She leaned in closer, even though she was almost certain that his dark secret wasn't nearly as dire as he suggested it might be. Clearly, though, the secret was not entirely a joke, and Jyn knew as well as anyone that any sign of weakness could be exploited, and that bullying absolutely occurred no matter how high up the rank one went.
"Your secret is safe with me", she answered, nodding gently. "If you don't tell anyone that I feel the same."
She would hate to consider what might happen if she was not in control of her faculties and other had ulterior motives.
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Date: 2019-06-14 04:48 am (UTC)[ooc: do we wanna fast fwd through the rest of dinner and get them back to their place?]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:56 am (UTC)"Good. We should eat if we don't want our food to go cold."
[ooc: Yes, go ahead! I think dinner was a success.]
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Date: 2019-06-14 05:04 am (UTC)The rest of dinner passed… surprisingly comfortably. The conversation drifted to more casual places, but they talked as if they'd known each other much longer than they actually did. There were even a few silences that felt compatible, not weighted or strange. Cassian not only didn't have to force himself to eat, but was surprised when he looked down and found he'd finished his meal. He hadn't been paying attention to it.
(Only to her.)
He didn't overthink paying for the meal; he'd invited her, after all. They'd figure out joint and/or separate credit accounts later. When he offered his arm on the way out, it was with another conspiratorial smile; the pageant more firmly a shared joke they were playing on everyone else, not something they had to do for one another.
They took the long way back, walking off the meal, taking in some of the sights of the city. Maybe also delaying having to figure out anything else this evening.
But finally, they were back at… their apartment. Cassian opened the door, but stood still a moment in the hall, just looking in.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:29 am (UTC)Maybe the turning point had been the agreement to try to be friends (the admission that maybe, they were both lonelier than they were projecting) and to make their marriage comfortable for each other rather than perpetuating the expectations beind held over them.
It was nice to talk, and it was nice to walk, and some of the important decisions - like credit accounts - could wait for later. Jyn hadn't worried about that ... but she had insisted that the next time, she would pay. It was only fair, after all.
She was sure there were eyes on them, whether they were paid to be or not, and maybe she took some pleasure in subverting whatever their audience had been anticipating them to do, or act, or be.
But soon enough, they had reached their building again, and there was their door, and Jyn fet a little apprehensive, as well, even though she wasn't expecting anything to happen once they stepped through. Some rest, hopefully, because if she knew anything for certain, it was that she was exhausted.
"Well, there it is."
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Date: 2019-06-14 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:01 am (UTC)And then he returned, with blanket and pillow in hand, and for as much as Jyn prided herself on being able to keep her expressions in check, her confusion was probably pretty palpable.
"And ... you're going to sleep out here?"
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:09 am (UTC)Not that she was insisting! Not that she would push. She was just surprised.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:18 am (UTC)(Or… y'know… cry… or scream…)
He wasn't worried about spilling anything too sensitive in his sleep—never that coherent—but it was where he had the least control, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.
(Not least… in case he dreamed about her.)
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:26 am (UTC)Jyn wasn't worried about the kicking, though. The nightmares were another story altogether, and much harder to explain, not that she was ready to do so ... not that she ever would be.
Mostly, she was worried that in her sleep, she might seek him out for comfort, and how could she possibly explain that away. She cleared her throat and took a small step backward. "Well, then. I think this is good night."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:33 am (UTC)He was glad, though, that they'd both smiled so much today. Not expected, and not, he had a feeling, something either of them did lightly. He was glad he could smile so easily now. "Good night, Jyn. …Thank you."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 03:33 pm (UTC)It felt hopeful that they had reached an understanding - and it had been more than she had allowed herself to expect. So at least she felt like she could breathe a little bit and at least most of the smiles she had shared had not been just for show.
She wasn't sure what Joreth was thanking her for, but instead of making a self-deprecating joke or even incredulously asking why, Jyn just nodded and murmured the same. It had been a long day, and she was sure that she was not the only one that needed some rest.
"Sleep well", she offered as she took another step away. Who knew what the next day was going to bring, after all?
cw: past violence & noncon -- LMK if this is okay?
Date: 2019-06-15 12:18 am (UTC)Sometime between midnight and dawn, it started.
Running down the Academy steps to the motionless body, shrunken in collapse, the swirling starscape of its face gone flat; trying to take shelter behind it as explosions went off; standing over it and trying to defend it with a toy blaster, while bigger bodies ran past and knocked him over without noticing he was there
Squeezing into a Republic war machine, nearly losing his arm in the gears, managing to deposit a handful of pebbles and grit, the nightmare of claustrophobia and crushing machinery; only just getting himself back out in time, before it stuck and exploded; then realizing that he'd just killed the operators
Xilo looking at him from the wrong side of the lines, motionless but for her hair in the breeze; then her hand, so subtly, moving to the hidden detonator on her thigh; and her mouth shaped the syllable: Run
One grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face into the console; two others grabbed and pinned his wrists; another kicked his feet apart from behind, as they ripped down his fatigues; and it took all he had not to scream into his hidden comm for Kay to save him from what was about to happen
The parade of faces: with a smoking blaster burn where an eyeball should be, a caved-in skull, skin discolored from drowning or strangling, knife wounds, bruises, garrote, electrocution; Some clearly done in unavoidable defense.
Some in mortal combat.
Some with coldblooded surgical precision;
or simply abandoned, not saved
From the couch, outside the bedroom, the sounds Cassian was making were loud enough to be heard inside; groans and cries and jumbled words in several languages, some that might be names—Khryw, Lyyxo, Surat, Draven, Xilo, Narede, Dorosz, Farir, d'Djiera, Kay—and thuds from his feet or his fists.
(And the conclusion that 'Talk in my sleep' had been a hell of an understatement.)
hahaha who needs a heart anyway
Date: 2019-06-15 03:22 am (UTC)But after a while, the noises were too much to ignore - not that Jyn was so callous to ignore someone when they were clearly in pain - and what she heard from the living quarters were desperate and terrified.
She slipped out of bed and pulled her thin robe on, careful as she tiptoed from the bedroom and out toward the couch. Her heart sank as in the dim light, she watched Joreth so tormented by whatever dreams he was having. What was she supposed to do in a situation like this? Was she supposed to let it pass on its own, was she supposed to try to wake him? What would leave him in the least amount of distress?
She couldn't stand to do nothing while he was clearly in pain. Carefully, cautiously, she crept closer, her voice as even as she could make it while she spoke to him in the hopes that it would get through whatever was wreaking havoc in his mind.
"Joreth, it's Jyn - you're having a nightmare", she started, her voice slowly raising in volume the closer she crept. She wouldn't sit next to him, not knowing how he would react to being touched, violently or otherwise. "But I'm here and I want to help you wake up. I'm afraid you might hurt yourself if you don't. If you can hear me, say something. Come on, wake up, you have to wake up. Wake up!"
d'awww <3
Date: 2019-06-15 03:45 am (UTC)…Oh… right
At first, her voice seemed like another dream.
Jyn looking up at him from below
Simultaneously wary and trusting
His hand moving to touch her face
Instead finding, against his will, it going to her throat—
Then she spoke loudly. He started, and woke.
He blinked, staring at the back of the couch, trembling, trying to sort out his jumbled mind.
Slowly, he turned his head… and yes, she was there.
Pfassk… kriff… what did I say…? did she…?
One part humiliated, one part touched, three parts wondering how (and whether) to play this off…
He lifted his hand to rub over his face, partly to rouse himself, partly to hide it from her. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-15 04:17 am (UTC)He turned his head to take her in, and Jyn felt a wave of relief wash over her - that was a good sign, right, that he was coherent and cognizant and safe from whatever he had been afraid of.
"Oh, thank the Force", she breathed, hardly even thinking about the implication of the words, shaking her head as he apologized, as though there was anything to apologize for. "It's alright", she tried to soothe, awkwardly, unsure of what she was allowed to do or to say, but wanting to help out somehow. "I'm here. You're going to be okay."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-15 04:27 am (UTC)You don't know her. Stop it now.
He didn't want to, but he had to find out. Make sure he didn't need to do damage control. "Did I say anything?"
no subject
Date: 2019-06-15 04:35 am (UTC)But she didn't know him, and didn't know that if he would see it as patronizing to extend the offer.
"Not as far as I could tell", she replied, taking a seat at the end of the couch, a soft sigh escaping her lips "Just - just noises."
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