Jyn couldn't decide whether she could trust Joreth or not. What if Krennic had already recruited him as another handler? What if he was just trying to win her trust until she inevitably made a mistake and got caught doing so?
He couldn't possibly care this much about a woman he had known a few short handful of hours. And what reward was he expecting for saying such things, offering her the only sense of freedom she might ever now?
She rankled a bit at the bit about power dynamics, but she knew it was true. Women, even highly lauded ones, were not seen as equal to their spouses. So even though she was the more decorated of the two, she was still considered a second-class citizen.
"He's not even my real uncle - ", she found herself saying, in the moment before she caught herself and zipped her lips. "Why? Why would you do that for me?"
He shrugged, still not quite looking at her, looking uncomfortable.
(Which he was, for all the reasons, but he was letting it show because this was Sward going a little against the Imperial grain.)
"Our marriage benefits me. We both know how. It does that no matter how we actually treat each other. Seems only fair it benefit you, too. Right? —In any case, I'm not going to do it any other way. I don't want power over you. I've never understood how anyone can… enjoy that.
"…I see this going one of two ways: we keep out of each other's way, or we actually… become… I dunno. Friends. Either way, we conduct our own lives. With the extra status this—" again, he gestured to both of them "—gives us. I don't know about you, but I don't see it helping my career to come home to feeling horrible about each other and ourselves."
Jyn was still wary - and she had every right to be - but ... unless Joreth was one hell of a convincing actor, unless she was getting soft when she should have been fortifying the walls she'd been building her entire life ...
She was more inclined to believe him.
Jyn swallowed hard, but listened closely, nodding her understanding and her agreement. Maybe this would lead to total disaster, being complacent when she had no real proof that she could trust him, but ... he seemed so earnest and truthful ...
"I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles", she offered. To anyone looking on, it would seem as though they were having a perfectly normal - a mundane - conversation. "I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend."
… unless Joreth was one hell of a convincing actor… —(which he was. But part of how was knowing when to tell the truth.)
I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles —(oh, Force, me too)
I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend. —He finally looked up at her, and smiled, again. Yes, please. On impulse, he picked up his glass and raised it, just a little, to her. "Then: I'm pleased to meet you, Jyn Erso."
Jyn might end up regretting it in the end, but this was the culmination of a very long handful of years that were marked with arguments and threats and downright nastiness, and she was so very tired. Just this once, maybe, she could trust, and maybe - maybe she wouldn't pay for it in the end.
She laughed softly as she returned the gesture, nodding. "I'm pleased to meet you, too, Joreth Sward."
For just a moment, he was tempted to tell her to call him Cassian. Say it was Sward's middle name or something. No. Stop. Dammit, this was more dangerous than he'd thought. She was. Because he was wanting things—like to give her more honesty and hear her say his real name. But part of what was drawing him to her so strongly was her intelligence; an innate strength he could sense in her; that she was a survivor and would make the most of any tools at her disposal. So he could even less afford to give her anything that she could research and make use of. Whether she might prove sympathetic or not. He couldn't let that be anyone's decision but his own.
Much as he genuinely wanted what he'd said. A friend.
(You have one. He's big and blunt and black and waiting for your next check-in at the shuttle. Trust no one else.)
He pushed all that aside. And smiled, and took a sip of his drink.
Setting it down—"Should we continue our game? I think you asked me about hobbies? Or we can take a break and talk about something mundane."
Jyn followed suit, setting her glass back down in order to focus on her plate - not that her appetite had fully returned, but it did smell amazing, and she could put in a marginal amount of effort to try and prove that she was as okay as she was trying to project.
She was far from okay, but at least she felt a little more hopeful than she had at the beginning of the morning. And maybe that was something to hold on to.
"Isn't asking about hobbies as mundane as it comes?", she asked, an eyebrow slowly raising wryly. "What's your idea of mundane?"
"That's true," he granted, mouth curving in a half-smile. "Mine are, anyway. I like dejarik better than sabacc, though I'll play with officers. I don't read as much as I should. I like maps. I listen to comm chatter or holos as I fall asleep."
…He was so busy monitoring what he said for character continuity, he'd forgotten to monitor for the remaining awkwardness of their situation. It caught up to him a moment too late. He wondered if he should say, As long as it won't disturb you, or if that itself was assuming too much. Like that they'd be sleeping in the same room.
"It would be more mundane if you had no interest in anything at all", she replied, shrugging. "Besides, I'm sure that there are worse hobbies to have. I like reading - studying. I've seen so few holos that I wouldn't mind watching more. And if you're looking for games, I'm sure you can easily find them. Depending on your skill level and how many drinks they've had, you might win a few extra credits."
Jyn was already assuming that they would share a room - they had to, after all, unless he was planning on sleeping on the couch. And while the thought was a little uncomfortable, it was only because she was far more used to being by herself.
He was planning on sleeping on the couch. But they'd talk about that when it came up. The fact that she didn't even blink was reassuring, even though he didn't know how to interpret it. That was okay. Intentions weren't how things in the universe played out, but they were well into proving they could and would talk things through with each other.
"Here's one of my dark secrets," he said, face quite serious. "Could get me into trouble." Quite possibly, beyond just teasing. Might be bad for keeping trust, with the expectations (and definitions of manhood) Imperial officers put on. But safe to share with her. "But… I don't really like to drink."
It wasn't just an issue of safety or security. He was pretty good at keeping ahold of himself under various influences—anti-interrogation training. It was more that, lowering the shields on his own mind was really not enjoyable.
"I'm pretty good at stretching out one drink and making it seem like I'm having more than I am. Don't tell anyone, okay?"
So far, Joreth was proving to be everything that Jyn hadn't been expecting to be. So, yes, it would surprise her when the time came and he did the chivalrous thing, but she would appreciate not being expected to ... do anything that she wasn't ready to do, even if it was the expected thing.
She leaned in closer, even though she was almost certain that his dark secret wasn't nearly as dire as he suggested it might be. Clearly, though, the secret was not entirely a joke, and Jyn knew as well as anyone that any sign of weakness could be exploited, and that bullying absolutely occurred no matter how high up the rank one went.
"Your secret is safe with me", she answered, nodding gently. "If you don't tell anyone that I feel the same."
She would hate to consider what might happen if she was not in control of her faculties and other had ulterior motives.
"Good", she answered, her smile small and fleeting, but genuine. For once, a little of the weight on her shoulders lifted. For once, she didn't feel like she had to say the expected and accepted things. For once, she felt that maybe it was alright to be herself ... a little at a time.
"Good. We should eat if we don't want our food to go cold."
[ooc: Yes, go ahead! I think dinner was a success.]
The rest of dinner passed… surprisingly comfortably. The conversation drifted to more casual places, but they talked as if they'd known each other much longer than they actually did. There were even a few silences that felt compatible, not weighted or strange. Cassian not only didn't have to force himself to eat, but was surprised when he looked down and found he'd finished his meal. He hadn't been paying attention to it.
(Only to her.)
He didn't overthink paying for the meal; he'd invited her, after all. They'd figure out joint and/or separate credit accounts later. When he offered his arm on the way out, it was with another conspiratorial smile; the pageant more firmly a shared joke they were playing on everyone else, not something they had to do for one another.
They took the long way back, walking off the meal, taking in some of the sights of the city. Maybe also delaying having to figure out anything else this evening.
But finally, they were back at… their apartment. Cassian opened the door, but stood still a moment in the hall, just looking in.
Jyn hadn't really even noticed how much time had passed until she went to take another bite ... and found nothing left on her plate. It had been a nice conversation - mundane topics and not, and even when there were silences, they didn't feel as awkward as she feared they might.
Maybe the turning point had been the agreement to try to be friends (the admission that maybe, they were both lonelier than they were projecting) and to make their marriage comfortable for each other rather than perpetuating the expectations beind held over them.
It was nice to talk, and it was nice to walk, and some of the important decisions - like credit accounts - could wait for later. Jyn hadn't worried about that ... but she had insisted that the next time, she would pay. It was only fair, after all.
She was sure there were eyes on them, whether they were paid to be or not, and maybe she took some pleasure in subverting whatever their audience had been anticipating them to do, or act, or be.
But soon enough, they had reached their building again, and there was their door, and Jyn fet a little apprehensive, as well, even though she wasn't expecting anything to happen once they stepped through. Some rest, hopefully, because if she knew anything for certain, it was that she was exhausted.
"Yeah," he agreed. He sensed her apprehension, and felt a little better that it wasn't just him. He shot her a small, understanding smile. "Well… shall we?"
"It's probably for the best", she answered, an eyebrow raising wryly. "People would think us odd if we spent the night out here." Not that she much cared what most others thought about her.
With a deep breath, Jyn followed suit. In the grand scheme of things, it was just an apartment - a nice one - and there was nothing to really be afraid of. Still, there was a heaviness when she thought of it as theirs, that for all intents and purposes, she would not be just her anymore.
Even though they'd just spent hours talking, Cassian found he wasn't sure how to say what came next. Finally, he settled on action. Throwing her another smile, he ducked his head and went into the bedroom. Only to reemerge a few minutes later, minus his jacket and boots, plus one of the pillows and a spare blanket. "Don't know about you… I'm ready to call it a night." He set the pillow on one end of the couch, then sat down beside it, starting to unfold the blanket.
Jyn spent the few minutes Joreth was gone getting a little more comfortable. She kicked her boots off near the doorway - and left them right where they landed. She shrugged out of her vest and left it unceremoniously sitting on the back of a chair. She wasn't a messy person by nature, but she was tired, and there those things would sit until she picked them up, ostensibly in the morning.
And then he returned, with blanket and pillow in hand, and for as much as Jyn prided herself on being able to keep her expressions in check, her confusion was probably pretty palpable.
He nodded. "I've had worse. By a lot." He'd stuck his comm and transponder in his trouser pocket when he removed his jacket. He removed them now, setting both on the end table. "I said I listened to things falling asleep… but let me know if it's too loud. Okay?"
"Yeah, I - I'm sure it will be fine", she answered, distracted, the little knot between her eyes growing deeper as she frowned. "Are you sure that you want to sleep out here? The bed is big enough for two, and - we're both adults, I think we can handle sharing it."
Not that she was insisting! Not that she would push. She was just surprised.
He hesitated. Then he shook his head. "Thanks for offering. May take you up on it tomorrow. I think this'll be simpler, to start." He smiled more ruefully. "Anyway. You might regret it. Sometimes I move around, or talk, in my sleep."
(Or… y'know… cry… or scream…)
He wasn't worried about spilling anything too sensitive in his sleep—never that coherent—but it was where he had the least control, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.
All things considered, the explanation was believable, at least. "I kick, so maybe it's for the best", she offered, her frown slowly fading as she shrugged apologetically. "But it is your bed, too. So - when you're ready."
Jyn wasn't worried about the kicking, though. The nightmares were another story altogether, and much harder to explain, not that she was ready to do so ... not that she ever would be.
Mostly, she was worried that in her sleep, she might seek him out for comfort, and how could she possibly explain that away. She cleared her throat and took a small step backward. "Well, then. I think this is good night."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 01:46 am (UTC)He couldn't possibly care this much about a woman he had known a few short handful of hours. And what reward was he expecting for saying such things, offering her the only sense of freedom she might ever now?
She rankled a bit at the bit about power dynamics, but she knew it was true. Women, even highly lauded ones, were not seen as equal to their spouses. So even though she was the more decorated of the two, she was still considered a second-class citizen.
"He's not even my real uncle - ", she found herself saying, in the moment before she caught herself and zipped her lips. "Why? Why would you do that for me?"
What do you want in return?
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 02:00 am (UTC)(Which he was, for all the reasons, but he was letting it show because this was Sward going a little against the Imperial grain.)
"Our marriage benefits me. We both know how. It does that no matter how we actually treat each other. Seems only fair it benefit you, too. Right? —In any case, I'm not going to do it any other way. I don't want power over you. I've never understood how anyone can… enjoy that.
"…I see this going one of two ways: we keep out of each other's way, or we actually… become… I dunno. Friends. Either way, we conduct our own lives. With the extra status this—" again, he gestured to both of them "—gives us. I don't know about you, but I don't see it helping my career to come home to feeling horrible about each other and ourselves."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 02:34 am (UTC)She was more inclined to believe him.
Jyn swallowed hard, but listened closely, nodding her understanding and her agreement. Maybe this would lead to total disaster, being complacent when she had no real proof that she could trust him, but ... he seemed so earnest and truthful ...
"I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles", she offered. To anyone looking on, it would seem as though they were having a perfectly normal - a mundane - conversation. "I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 02:44 am (UTC)I ... would like to be able to come home without having to continue playing roles —(oh, Force, me too)
I suppose ... it would be nice ... to have a friend. —He finally looked up at her, and smiled, again. Yes, please. On impulse, he picked up his glass and raised it, just a little, to her. "Then: I'm pleased to meet you, Jyn Erso."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 03:02 am (UTC)She laughed softly as she returned the gesture, nodding. "I'm pleased to meet you, too, Joreth Sward."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 03:12 am (UTC)Much as he genuinely wanted what he'd said. A friend.
(You have one. He's big and blunt and black and waiting for your next check-in at the shuttle. Trust no one else.)
He pushed all that aside. And smiled, and took a sip of his drink.
Setting it down—"Should we continue our game? I think you asked me about hobbies? Or we can take a break and talk about something mundane."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 03:33 am (UTC)She was far from okay, but at least she felt a little more hopeful than she had at the beginning of the morning. And maybe that was something to hold on to.
"Isn't asking about hobbies as mundane as it comes?", she asked, an eyebrow slowly raising wryly. "What's your idea of mundane?"
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 03:44 am (UTC)…He was so busy monitoring what he said for character continuity, he'd forgotten to monitor for the remaining awkwardness of their situation. It caught up to him a moment too late. He wondered if he should say, As long as it won't disturb you, or if that itself was assuming too much. Like that they'd be sleeping in the same room.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:00 am (UTC)Jyn was already assuming that they would share a room - they had to, after all, unless he was planning on sleeping on the couch. And while the thought was a little uncomfortable, it was only because she was far more used to being by herself.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:09 am (UTC)"Here's one of my dark secrets," he said, face quite serious. "Could get me into trouble." Quite possibly, beyond just teasing. Might be bad for keeping trust, with the expectations (and definitions of manhood) Imperial officers put on. But safe to share with her. "But… I don't really like to drink."
It wasn't just an issue of safety or security. He was pretty good at keeping ahold of himself under various influences—anti-interrogation training. It was more that, lowering the shields on his own mind was really not enjoyable.
"I'm pretty good at stretching out one drink and making it seem like I'm having more than I am. Don't tell anyone, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:44 am (UTC)She leaned in closer, even though she was almost certain that his dark secret wasn't nearly as dire as he suggested it might be. Clearly, though, the secret was not entirely a joke, and Jyn knew as well as anyone that any sign of weakness could be exploited, and that bullying absolutely occurred no matter how high up the rank one went.
"Your secret is safe with me", she answered, nodding gently. "If you don't tell anyone that I feel the same."
She would hate to consider what might happen if she was not in control of her faculties and other had ulterior motives.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:48 am (UTC)[ooc: do we wanna fast fwd through the rest of dinner and get them back to their place?]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 04:56 am (UTC)"Good. We should eat if we don't want our food to go cold."
[ooc: Yes, go ahead! I think dinner was a success.]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:04 am (UTC)The rest of dinner passed… surprisingly comfortably. The conversation drifted to more casual places, but they talked as if they'd known each other much longer than they actually did. There were even a few silences that felt compatible, not weighted or strange. Cassian not only didn't have to force himself to eat, but was surprised when he looked down and found he'd finished his meal. He hadn't been paying attention to it.
(Only to her.)
He didn't overthink paying for the meal; he'd invited her, after all. They'd figure out joint and/or separate credit accounts later. When he offered his arm on the way out, it was with another conspiratorial smile; the pageant more firmly a shared joke they were playing on everyone else, not something they had to do for one another.
They took the long way back, walking off the meal, taking in some of the sights of the city. Maybe also delaying having to figure out anything else this evening.
But finally, they were back at… their apartment. Cassian opened the door, but stood still a moment in the hall, just looking in.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:29 am (UTC)Maybe the turning point had been the agreement to try to be friends (the admission that maybe, they were both lonelier than they were projecting) and to make their marriage comfortable for each other rather than perpetuating the expectations beind held over them.
It was nice to talk, and it was nice to walk, and some of the important decisions - like credit accounts - could wait for later. Jyn hadn't worried about that ... but she had insisted that the next time, she would pay. It was only fair, after all.
She was sure there were eyes on them, whether they were paid to be or not, and maybe she took some pleasure in subverting whatever their audience had been anticipating them to do, or act, or be.
But soon enough, they had reached their building again, and there was their door, and Jyn fet a little apprehensive, as well, even though she wasn't expecting anything to happen once they stepped through. Some rest, hopefully, because if she knew anything for certain, it was that she was exhausted.
"Well, there it is."
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 05:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:01 am (UTC)And then he returned, with blanket and pillow in hand, and for as much as Jyn prided herself on being able to keep her expressions in check, her confusion was probably pretty palpable.
"And ... you're going to sleep out here?"
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:09 am (UTC)Not that she was insisting! Not that she would push. She was just surprised.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:18 am (UTC)(Or… y'know… cry… or scream…)
He wasn't worried about spilling anything too sensitive in his sleep—never that coherent—but it was where he had the least control, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.
(Not least… in case he dreamed about her.)
no subject
Date: 2019-06-14 06:26 am (UTC)Jyn wasn't worried about the kicking, though. The nightmares were another story altogether, and much harder to explain, not that she was ready to do so ... not that she ever would be.
Mostly, she was worried that in her sleep, she might seek him out for comfort, and how could she possibly explain that away. She cleared her throat and took a small step backward. "Well, then. I think this is good night."
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