It probably sounded fantastical, but every word of it was true. Jyn sometimes felt like she was waiting to wake up from a dream - or waiting for the metaphorical other shoe to drop.
But here they were, still alive, worse for wear for all that they had been through, but staring out at a new horizon yet to explore. After. They had never really spoken about after, perhaps because it seemed more like wishful thinking than a possible reality.
The thought alone was enough to set her head to spinning. But right now, his hand clutching hers tightly, Jyn didn't feel like she was lost without rudder.
run into the street and start a fight find someone in an imperial uniform and pummel them until his hands bled put on their uniform and let someone pummel him grab a blaster and get in the middle of a crowd and shoot over everyone's heads
what are these thoughts? are you kidding? none of those were remotely something he wanted—
fire a blaster into a wall of stone and see how deep a pit it could gouge until its power cells fused write a confession in blaster bolts in the base of the mountain hit rocks with the blaster until it snapped and his hands broke
you're not making sense, Kay would stop you, stop it
Violence. He didn't want it, but he felt it. The thoughts were coming from it. There had been so much—carving him in its image—making itself his tool—making him its agent—and now…
Drop Jyn's hand and hit the floor Punch a wall Throw things through the window smashing glass then crashing to the ground Just break windows kick them in all of them in the city
…but it had worked. Served its purpose. They'd won. The war was over. The violence could go away now.
It would never The war will You will
Knowing his whole body had started shaking, he focused intently on slowly and carefully opening his fingers and moving his hand away from Jyn's. Slowly and smoothly standing up. Trying to remember what the next move was supposed to be. Murmuring, "Be right back," to Jyn in a voice that approached normal. Keeping his steps reasonable getting into the fresher.
The sink was too small. He threw the lever that turned on the shower and stuck his head under the stream.
He wasn't entirely sure how he wound up standing, fully clothed, under the water with his palms and forehead pressed to the wall.
Jyn didn't stop Cassian from loosening his grip and getting up. She made no noise of protest as she watched him leave the main room and enter the fresher. But she was not so preoccupied that she didn't notice the trembling or recognize that despite the calm in his voice, Cassian had just been thrown into a world of turmoil.
She had felt the same, after all, in the days following the fall of the Empire. When she wasn't walking around in a perpetual daze waiting to receive orders - no matter what those orders were - she hadn't known what to do with herself.
Or what to think.
She had raged and screamed and sobbed and wondered just what it was she was going to do now that there was such an unknown and uncertain future lying ahead of her. All she knew was loss and war and running and fighting and never knowing if she was going to reach tomorrow.
But now she had tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and ... no idea how to reconcile that with all she had known since she was eight years old. And Cassian - he had been fighting even longer than Jyn had. She could only ever imagine the turbulence he was feeling.
Despite the promises of you'll have me for as long as I'm able, she knew damn well that he had always believed that he would never come out of this alive. He had been, for all intents and purposes, waiting for the end to come to him.
He needed time. And for a while, Jyn gave it to him. But the longer the shower was running, the more she began worrying that ... something had happened. She did the only thing that she could do.
She followed. Observed him - fully clothed, standing underneath the spray, his palms and forehead pressed against the wall. And while she didn't want to disturb him, she also couldn't stand the thought of him in pain.
Again, she did the only thing she could, which was to join him (without getting undressed), carefully threading her arms around his middle and wedging herself as close as she could manage in the small space.
He heard the door open; knew she came in even though she was so quiet; didn't try to turn his head or move—there was no point in trying to hide from her. It just felt like lying…
She put her arms around him and pressed herself against his back. He slowly moved his palms from the wall to place upon her hands; his forearms crossed over of hers.
And for the first time in the years since Jenoport, Cassian cried.
No way to tell if his long-dried tear ducts had actually regenerated into function. The water on his face made it irrelevant anyway.
Still holding on to her-holding on to him, he sank both of them to their knees; doubled over their two pairs of arms around his middle, closed eyes parallel to the floor, and wracked with sobs.
She demanded nothing of him - just offered herself and whatever strength and steadiness he needed from her, even though she too felt anything but. She simply held on and tried to be his anchor.
Shoulders and back began to shake and shudder and her heart ached for him - all he had lost and all the things he had done in order to see him to this exact moment in time, the good that he rarely considered good, the bad, the in-between. And while it was far too soon for Cassian - for both of them - to think about the future, she tried to wordlessly reassure that there was hope for them both.
To their knees they went, and Jyn's arms tightened around Cassian's prone form all the more.
The water streamed into his nose and mouth, forcing him to turn his head to breathe. It was good. It was something tangible to fight.
Glaring from his hospital bed, at Draven who'd redacted the overdose, and mouthing, (Give me a mission)
I've been in this fight since
Slowly, the shudders wore out. His tension drained and he slumped—still holding her arms where they held him.
There was nothing good to say. He knew her well enough to know she didn't need an I'm sorry. And I don't know what that was would be… at least a little… a lie.
Jyn required no apology and no explanation. Cassian's feelings were totally valid, no matter what they were. She was just there to offer reassurance and understanding in a tumultuous time.
And while her knees ached from holding them both up on the hard floor, she made no move to get up as of yet. Not until Cassian was ready. Until then, she would endure.
She breathed out what could be the hint of a chuckle at the comment, nodding gently. "I needed a shower, anyway."
He exhaled a kindred laugh, tightening his arms a little around hers. A quick look over his shoulder. Then he released her arms. He put out one hand to brace against the wall, and turned just enough to offer his other one to her, to lever them both up.
He'd find an expression full of concern, but also a small but clear weary relief. But she met his gaze and loosened her grip as he prepared to stand, accepting the offered hand so that she could rise to her feet with him.
He pushed them both up—and for a moment just stood there, facing Jyn, looking down at her. The water continued to rain on them.
For a moment, he was seeing her in all the changing light of their first two days. The situation room's green on Yavin 4, the red sun of Jedha, the dark rain of Eadu, the glare of Scarif…
He wanted, not for the first time, to grab and hold her and never let go.
He'd resisted before.
Now…
He let his hands fall from her arms, but didn't step away.
"I'm glad," he said. "The war is over. Beyond glad. It's just…"
Jyn didn't mind the water - but the creaky knees were another story altogether. She didn't groan as she stood up straight once more, but in her discomfort, she did wince slightly.
She tilted her chin to meet his eyes, and held the gaze steadily, but refrained from reaching out to gather him close once more. They might not exit the shower if she did that once more.
She listened.
And when Cassian was finished speaking - or at least as finished he was going to be after that confession, she nodded, a gentle understanding.
He didn't know… what… this new universe he hoped they were now facing… would do with him. Whether it would want anything to do with him. Whether he deserved to have anything to do with it. Part of never expecting to survive the war was being willing to do things for it that made him unfit to outlast…
Thinking hurt. He shut his eyes, tilted his head back to let the water pound his face, then gave a doglike shake of his head.
Should they go out and celebrate? Should they risk some kind of abandon? Should they…
It was the nicest way Jyn could think of to say you don't know if there's a place for you now and you don't think that you deserve it, even if you find it. And hell, Jyn felt exactly the same - but what was there to do but go out there and face it, discover what it helo for them together.
Because after everything, there was no way she would ever think of leaving Cassian now.
For a moment, her lips lifted into the approximation of a smile. "Yeah. It's probably for the best - we're already soaked to the bone."
He tried a smile back, then ducked his head and turned around to end the shower.
He didn't hesitate in facing her again, but the seconds-long pause had been enough for his face to regain some neutrality.
Which didn't last very long. A crease appeared between his brows; and he stepped out of the cubicle still facing her, to grab a towel and hold it out, touching it to her face.
It didn't quite reach his eyes - but then, Jyn hadn't expected it to. Cassian hadn't had nearly enough time to process the information that she had shared. Truth be told, Jyn hadn't really managed it, either, and she'd had more time to let it all sink in.
She understood his reasoning when it came to straightening his mask before turning to face her again.
Jyn was well aware that she probably looked a mess, but she cared less for her state of being than she did Cassian's. "Get undressed", she gently ordered, her voice muffled by the towel. "Need to get you some dry clothes."
The eyebrows lifted ever so slightly, but it turned into a suppressed smile as he started to follow her order. (As he always did.) Stripping off jacket, belt, holster, and boots—all, including weapons and transponder, made for any weather, so not damaged; just dripping. He set the boots upside-down in the shower cubicle and slung the rest over the partition to drip-dry.
(He didn't, however, start to remove his shirt or pants.)
"I've only got one change of clothes. Do you have anything with you?" If not, she could take the shirt and he'd take the pants until the rest of their things dried.
(…and now he was thinking about Jyn wearing his shirt and nothing else and feeling extremely aware of both their sodden, clinging clothes. Okay, calm down; adrenaline, elation and mourning, swinging your moods, screwing with your head… don't get caught up)
Jyn watched. Satisfied to see the efficient removal of jacket, belt, holster, and boots, she began working at her own kit as well. Maybe it had been a bit thoughtless of her to get into the shower with Cassian while fully dressed without anything else to change into, but ... she hadn't exactly thought about the consequences at the time.
So of course that was the question that Cassian asked, and Jyn glanced up, shrugging her shoulders with a self-deprecating little twist of her lips. "Not here I don't."
And she wasn't about to walk or ride anywhere looking like a half-drowned womprat.
"Thought I'd just ... I don't know ... wear a towel until these dried out enough."
(Hells, she was just as aware of their proximity, his eyes on her, how long it had been since they'd seen each other last and all too suddenly, she found it just a little more difficult to breathe.)
"We can divide up my clean things. The shirt should be pretty big on you."
Trying as he was not to let his heightened, chaotic feelings get the best of him… he couldn't say why he let himself reach out and brush some damp hair out of her eyes.
He quickly dropped his hand and his eyes, and diverted to grabbing a second towel. "I… um… can change out there, if you want in here." The floor would survive some puddling.
"Guess we're not planning on going out to celebrate." …He hadn't been anyway. He didn't like intoxicants, there wasn't much else to do around here that wasn't far worse, and if the gang that had followed them were anything to go by, not everyone else would be on the same page re: the war being over.
She laughed then - a high, thin, nervous note. Nervous? Why would she have any reason to feel ... and then he reached out to move her hair away from her eyes and Jyn struggled to keep still.
She had missed Cassian so desperately, and she wanted nothing more than to just ... get lost in each other for a little while, until it was time to pack up and leave and ... figure out what next.
"It'll probably reach my knees", is what she finally offered in response, nodding her agreement.
She mopped the water from her face, and glanced back at Cassian, her brow furrowing as she shook her head no. "You can stay, I don't mind."
No, she didn't want to go out and celebrate. This wasn't exactly the place to do it, and they didn't need any trouble. It would be the smartest and safest thing to stay in. And given their current state, probably the only good option they had. "Probably best not to, no."
When he'd seen the scene unfolding on the Eadu platform, it had seemed so obvious what was happening, but he hadn't trusted his own interpretations. Because he was compromised. He wanted too badly to assume objectivity. And what was unfolding seemed so clearly to be what he wanted it to be. (Confirmation of Jyn's story.)
Her laugh and body language seemed very clear… but so much what Cassian wanted them to be…
He kept himself to a small smile, agreeing, and turning around. They were both modern people, there was no need to protest too much about getting undressed… but giving her his back was as much a sign of trust, between those who knew combat (and had as many scars there), as it was of courtesy.
He never looked over his shoulder, either to look at her or see if she was looking at him, as he removed the rest of his clothes; and gave himself a cursory scrub over with the towel.
It wasn't as though Jyn hadn't undressed with others in the room before. Personal space had come so few and far between when she had been with the Partisans, and then of course there had been Wobani. Here, though, there was no threat of getting stabbed in the back if she let her guard down.
So she did, seemingly without a care. Although before she started working at removing her drenched clothing, she spared one last glance over her shoulder before setting the removing her own clothing and carefully drying off, shivering as cool air came into contact with bare skin.
Once that was done and she was satisfied, Jyn took down her hair in order to do the same.
He finished, wrapped the towel around his waist; and did start to glance over his shoulder, but stopped himself.
"I'll get the clothes," he said. "Cold draft in five… four…" He opened the door on zero. Sure enough, a chill swept through the 'fresher. He quickly stepped through and closed the door most of the way to keep more cold out.
He hadn't unpacked. (Of course.) Just opened his duffel. He didn't have to root around. There wasn't much inside and he knew where every piece of it was. In short order, he'd pulled on the dry fatigues, slung the towel around his neck to put some barrier between his upper body and the air, and moved back to the 'fresher. He tapped unnecessarily on the ajar door, and passed the shirt and undershorts through. "I've never worn them. Fresh from Provisions."
It would have been fine if he had stolen a glance. Once done drying off (her hair was another story - it was going to be damp for quite a while still), she had wrapped the towel around her as securely as she could manage, although it still only barely brushed the tops of her thighs.
"Alright - ", she answered, steeling herself for the new cold air rushed into the 'fresher as he departed, blowing out a sharp little breath as she tugged her towel just a little tighter around her, for whatever good that would do.
Soon enough, Cassian knocked, announcing his presence, and handed clothing through the door. "Thank you", she murmured, barely waiting a moment after that before dropping the towel completely to pull on first the shorts and then the shirt, sighing at slight warmth they offered.
It would get better, but for the moment, she was content enough. Once satisfied that she wasn't going to give Cassian too much of an eyeful, she stepped into the main room awkwardly.
He succeeded in not looking too long or too hard at her. Just a confirmation that the shirt did its job, and a slight smile.
What now?
He just stood where he was, alternately looking at her and out the window.
A new universe. The same old universe. An end. A beginning. What?
They could talk, he supposed. There really wasn't anyone else he'd confide in—confess to—try to plan with. But even with her, he didn't want that. Talking had its uses but right now…
It was one vast, bottomless wait and see. What the Rebellion might be—step aside for or become—whether he still had a place in it, what that place might even look like assuming any of his skills or being could be repurposed for peace…
Would the peace even last? And for how long? How peaceful could any new transition really be?
Was retirement an option? The war no longer had him from without; could he ever remove it from within?
And if he did, what would that even look like? Would he be able to take it? Could he ever accept it? When what he deserved…
He looked back at her, that precipice behind his face. He couldn't think what to suggest or ask or say.
Maybe comm channels would be catching up. Maybe there were reports and announcements to listen to.
Even that, though…
For the next five, ten, hundred minutes… there was nothing immediately to do.
And without that…
He thought about asking why her. Why did she come to tell him, this way. But he knew that already.
"Do you have any idea," he said at last, "what comes next? After we go back?" Or… right now?
The only thing keeping Jyn from leaving gravity and spinning into the vastness of space was Cassian himself. So, while she would have loved nothing more than to be able to offer him an answer to his questions, she had been wondering the exact same things.
She didn't know if she had the capacity to be anything other than what she already was - and what she was was irreparably broken. The skills that she had picked up over the years weren't meant to be used in the course of a respectable life.
So ... what?
Run more - even though there was nothing and no one to run from? Find a new fight? Start one? All things considered, what other options did she even really have?
The Rebellion was no more. And whatever would come next might need diplomats more than they would soldiers. And Jyn Erso was not and would never be a diplomat.
One thing was for sure, at least, and that was that instead of running when there was no longer any need to stay, Jyn had come here instead.
"I don't know", she eventually replied, her eyebrows knitting together as she shrugged one shoulder slightly. "They may still have use for us. They may not. I suppose we've got to decide what it is that we want to do."
She no longer had a home or a family to return to. But here she was, regardless.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-12-11 08:34 am (UTC)But here they were, still alive, worse for wear for all that they had been through, but staring out at a new horizon yet to explore. After. They had never really spoken about after, perhaps because it seemed more like wishful thinking than a possible reality.
The thought alone was enough to set her head to spinning. But right now, his hand clutching hers tightly, Jyn didn't feel like she was lost without rudder.
"No. We can take a little time."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 02:32 am (UTC)run into the street and start a fight
find someone in an imperial uniform and pummel them until his hands bled
put on their uniform and let someone pummel him
grab a blaster and get in the middle of a crowd and shoot over everyone's heads
what are these thoughts? are you kidding? none of those were remotely something he wanted—
fire a blaster into a wall of stone and see how deep a pit it could gouge until its power cells fused
write a confession in blaster bolts in the base of the mountain
hit rocks with the blaster until it snapped and his hands broke
you're not making sense, Kay would stop you, stop it
Violence. He didn't want it, but he felt it. The thoughts were coming from it. There had been so much—carving him in its image—making itself his tool—making him its agent—and now…
Drop Jyn's hand and hit the floor
Punch a wall
Throw things
through the window smashing glass then crashing to the ground
Just break windows kick them in all of them in the city
…but it had worked. Served its purpose. They'd won. The war was over. The violence could go away now.
It would never
The war will
You will
Knowing his whole body had started shaking, he focused intently on slowly and carefully opening his fingers and moving his hand away from Jyn's. Slowly and smoothly standing up. Trying to remember what the next move was supposed to be. Murmuring, "Be right back," to Jyn in a voice that approached normal. Keeping his steps reasonable getting into the fresher.
The sink was too small. He threw the lever that turned on the shower and stuck his head under the stream.
He wasn't entirely sure how he wound up standing, fully clothed, under the water with his palms and forehead pressed to the wall.
well that's it i'm broken
Date: 2019-12-14 08:14 am (UTC)She had felt the same, after all, in the days following the fall of the Empire. When she wasn't walking around in a perpetual daze waiting to receive orders - no matter what those orders were - she hadn't known what to do with herself.
Or what to think.
She had raged and screamed and sobbed and wondered just what it was she was going to do now that there was such an unknown and uncertain future lying ahead of her. All she knew was loss and war and running and fighting and never knowing if she was going to reach tomorrow.
But now she had tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and ... no idea how to reconcile that with all she had known since she was eight years old. And Cassian - he had been fighting even longer than Jyn had. She could only ever imagine the turbulence he was feeling.
Despite the promises of you'll have me for as long as I'm able, she knew damn well that he had always believed that he would never come out of this alive. He had been, for all intents and purposes, waiting for the end to come to him.
He needed time. And for a while, Jyn gave it to him. But the longer the shower was running, the more she began worrying that ... something had happened. She did the only thing that she could do.
She followed. Observed him - fully clothed, standing underneath the spray, his palms and forehead pressed against the wall. And while she didn't want to disturb him, she also couldn't stand the thought of him in pain.
Again, she did the only thing she could, which was to join him (without getting undressed), carefully threading her arms around his middle and wedging herself as close as she could manage in the small space.
"Let it out."
<3!!!!!!!
Date: 2019-12-14 08:45 am (UTC)She put her arms around him and pressed herself against his back. He slowly moved his palms from the wall to place upon her hands; his forearms crossed over of hers.
And for the first time in the years since Jenoport, Cassian cried.
No way to tell if his long-dried tear ducts had actually regenerated into function. The water on his face made it irrelevant anyway.
Still holding on to her-holding on to him, he sank both of them to their knees; doubled over their two pairs of arms around his middle, closed eyes parallel to the floor, and wracked with sobs.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 09:04 am (UTC)Shoulders and back began to shake and shudder and her heart ached for him - all he had lost and all the things he had done in order to see him to this exact moment in time, the good that he rarely considered good, the bad, the in-between. And while it was far too soon for Cassian - for both of them - to think about the future, she tried to wordlessly reassure that there was hope for them both.
To their knees they went, and Jyn's arms tightened around Cassian's prone form all the more.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 09:20 am (UTC)Glaring from his hospital bed, at Draven who'd redacted the overdose, and mouthing, (Give me a mission)
I've been in this fight since
Slowly, the shudders wore out. His tension drained and he slumped—still holding her arms where they held him.
There was nothing good to say. He knew her well enough to know she didn't need an I'm sorry. And I don't know what that was would be… at least a little… a lie.
At last he murmured, "We're both wet now."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 09:37 am (UTC)And while her knees ached from holding them both up on the hard floor, she made no move to get up as of yet. Not until Cassian was ready. Until then, she would endure.
She breathed out what could be the hint of a chuckle at the comment, nodding gently. "I needed a shower, anyway."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 10:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 10:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 10:49 am (UTC)For a moment, he was seeing her in all the changing light of their first two days. The situation room's green on Yavin 4, the red sun of Jedha, the dark rain of Eadu, the glare of Scarif…
He wanted, not for the first time, to grab and hold her and never let go.
He'd resisted before.
Now…
He let his hands fall from her arms, but didn't step away.
"I'm glad," he said. "The war is over. Beyond glad. It's just…"
She already knew. And he knew she did. But…
She'd said 'Let it out'.
"…I wasn't supposed to live to see it.
"Let alone… live. In it."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 11:04 am (UTC)She tilted her chin to meet his eyes, and held the gaze steadily, but refrained from reaching out to gather him close once more. They might not exit the shower if she did that once more.
She listened.
And when Cassian was finished speaking - or at least as finished he was going to be after that confession, she nodded, a gentle understanding.
"You don't know what to do with yourself."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 11:09 am (UTC)He didn't know… what… this new universe he hoped they were now facing… would do with him. Whether it would want anything to do with him. Whether he deserved to have anything to do with it. Part of never expecting to survive the war was being willing to do things for it that made him unfit to outlast…
Thinking hurt. He shut his eyes, tilted his head back to let the water pound his face, then gave a doglike shake of his head.
Should they go out and celebrate? Should they risk some kind of abandon? Should they…
"Should… I… um… turn off the water?"
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 11:24 am (UTC)Because after everything, there was no way she would ever think of leaving Cassian now.
For a moment, her lips lifted into the approximation of a smile. "Yeah. It's probably for the best - we're already soaked to the bone."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-14 11:49 am (UTC)He didn't hesitate in facing her again, but the seconds-long pause had been enough for his face to regain some neutrality.
Which didn't last very long. A crease appeared between his brows; and he stepped out of the cubicle still facing her, to grab a towel and hold it out, touching it to her face.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 04:09 am (UTC)She understood his reasoning when it came to straightening his mask before turning to face her again.
Jyn was well aware that she probably looked a mess, but she cared less for her state of being than she did Cassian's. "Get undressed", she gently ordered, her voice muffled by the towel. "Need to get you some dry clothes."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 07:07 am (UTC)(He didn't, however, start to remove his shirt or pants.)
"I've only got one change of clothes. Do you have anything with you?" If not, she could take the shirt and he'd take the pants until the rest of their things dried.
(…and now he was thinking about Jyn wearing his shirt and nothing else and feeling extremely aware of both their sodden, clinging clothes. Okay, calm down; adrenaline, elation and mourning, swinging your moods, screwing with your head… don't get caught up)
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 07:18 am (UTC)So of course that was the question that Cassian asked, and Jyn glanced up, shrugging her shoulders with a self-deprecating little twist of her lips. "Not here I don't."
And she wasn't about to walk or ride anywhere looking like a half-drowned womprat.
"Thought I'd just ... I don't know ... wear a towel until these dried out enough."
(Hells, she was just as aware of their proximity, his eyes on her, how long it had been since they'd seen each other last and all too suddenly, she found it just a little more difficult to breathe.)
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 07:36 am (UTC)Trying as he was not to let his heightened, chaotic feelings get the best of him… he couldn't say why he let himself reach out and brush some damp hair out of her eyes.
He quickly dropped his hand and his eyes, and diverted to grabbing a second towel. "I… um… can change out there, if you want in here." The floor would survive some puddling.
"Guess we're not planning on going out to celebrate." …He hadn't been anyway. He didn't like intoxicants, there wasn't much else to do around here that wasn't far worse, and if the gang that had followed them were anything to go by, not everyone else would be on the same page re: the war being over.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 07:51 am (UTC)She had missed Cassian so desperately, and she wanted nothing more than to just ... get lost in each other for a little while, until it was time to pack up and leave and ... figure out what next.
"It'll probably reach my knees", is what she finally offered in response, nodding her agreement.
She mopped the water from her face, and glanced back at Cassian, her brow furrowing as she shook her head no. "You can stay, I don't mind."
No, she didn't want to go out and celebrate. This wasn't exactly the place to do it, and they didn't need any trouble. It would be the smartest and safest thing to stay in. And given their current state, probably the only good option they had. "Probably best not to, no."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 08:01 am (UTC)Her laugh and body language seemed very clear… but so much what Cassian wanted them to be…
He kept himself to a small smile, agreeing, and turning around. They were both modern people, there was no need to protest too much about getting undressed… but giving her his back was as much a sign of trust, between those who knew combat (and had as many scars there), as it was of courtesy.
He never looked over his shoulder, either to look at her or see if she was looking at him, as he removed the rest of his clothes; and gave himself a cursory scrub over with the towel.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-15 02:56 pm (UTC)So she did, seemingly without a care. Although before she started working at removing her drenched clothing, she spared one last glance over her shoulder before setting the removing her own clothing and carefully drying off, shivering as cool air came into contact with bare skin.
Once that was done and she was satisfied, Jyn took down her hair in order to do the same.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-16 04:19 am (UTC)"I'll get the clothes," he said. "Cold draft in five… four…" He opened the door on zero. Sure enough, a chill swept through the 'fresher. He quickly stepped through and closed the door most of the way to keep more cold out.
He hadn't unpacked. (Of course.) Just opened his duffel. He didn't have to root around. There wasn't much inside and he knew where every piece of it was. In short order, he'd pulled on the dry fatigues, slung the towel around his neck to put some barrier between his upper body and the air, and moved back to the 'fresher. He tapped unnecessarily on the ajar door, and passed the shirt and undershorts through. "I've never worn them. Fresh from Provisions."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-16 04:38 am (UTC)"Alright - ", she answered, steeling herself for the new cold air rushed into the 'fresher as he departed, blowing out a sharp little breath as she tugged her towel just a little tighter around her, for whatever good that would do.
Soon enough, Cassian knocked, announcing his presence, and handed clothing through the door. "Thank you", she murmured, barely waiting a moment after that before dropping the towel completely to pull on first the shorts and then the shirt, sighing at slight warmth they offered.
It would get better, but for the moment, she was content enough. Once satisfied that she wasn't going to give Cassian too much of an eyeful, she stepped into the main room awkwardly.
...
What now?
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Date: 2019-12-16 05:02 am (UTC)What now?
He just stood where he was, alternately looking at her and out the window.
A new universe. The same old universe. An end. A beginning. What?
They could talk, he supposed. There really wasn't anyone else he'd confide in—confess to—try to plan with. But even with her, he didn't want that. Talking had its uses but right now…
It was one vast, bottomless wait and see. What the Rebellion might be—step aside for or become—whether he still had a place in it, what that place might even look like assuming any of his skills or being could be repurposed for peace…
Would the peace even last? And for how long? How peaceful could any new transition really be?
Was retirement an option? The war no longer had him from without; could he ever remove it from within?
And if he did, what would that even look like? Would he be able to take it? Could he ever accept it? When what he deserved…
He looked back at her, that precipice behind his face. He couldn't think what to suggest or ask or say.
Maybe comm channels would be catching up. Maybe there were reports and announcements to listen to.
Even that, though…
For the next five, ten, hundred minutes… there was nothing immediately to do.
And without that…
He thought about asking why her. Why did she come to tell him, this way. But he knew that already.
"Do you have any idea," he said at last, "what comes next? After we go back?" Or… right now?
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Date: 2019-12-16 05:30 am (UTC)She didn't know if she had the capacity to be anything other than what she already was - and what she was was irreparably broken. The skills that she had picked up over the years weren't meant to be used in the course of a respectable life.
So ... what?
Run more - even though there was nothing and no one to run from? Find a new fight? Start one? All things considered, what other options did she even really have?
The Rebellion was no more. And whatever would come next might need diplomats more than they would soldiers. And Jyn Erso was not and would never be a diplomat.
One thing was for sure, at least, and that was that instead of running when there was no longer any need to stay, Jyn had come here instead.
"I don't know", she eventually replied, her eyebrows knitting together as she shrugged one shoulder slightly. "They may still have use for us. They may not. I suppose we've got to decide what it is that we want to do."
She no longer had a home or a family to return to. But here she was, regardless.
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From:oop pretty sure i've already said i want it to be with you before. doesn't hurt to reiterate it!
From:Part of why I take so long is reskimming the thread to see what I've said or not! :-D
From:I just think 'that sounds familiar, I probably already wrote it somewhere OH WELL'. :0D
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