His eyes crinkled like laughter. "Definitely not."
He ran his thumb again over the back of her hand, eyes going a little unfocused, but not straying far from hers. "…I'd never stop pointing out how any law could be misused or broken. And since all laws can, we'd get nowhere. That's not really what laws or for, anyway—to be foolproof. And… I abdicated my rights to such things a long time ago." That was getting too close again to what he was surprisingly glad he'd said to Jyn but didn't want to say again or any more. So he finished with, "I'd much rather leave that sort of thing to Mon Mothma and Leia Organa. Their view is bigger than mine."
One heartbeat passed, and then another, and then her smile spread across her face slowly, like a sunrise, building and growing until it was shining brightly - at least for a moment, until she pulled herself together enough to dial it back.
As she listened to Cassian speak, she felt her heart lift a little with each word. For as much as she didn't want to stick around and try to make a place within the ranks of the new governing body that would need to be formed, if Cassian had said yes, Jyn would have followed.
Even though that was not the life she wanted to live nor the job she wanted to do, but she would have made a go of it just to continue spinning around and around in his orbit.
"Maybe they need that point of view in order to make the laws stronger, Cassian", she offered quietly, shrugging. "I just don't want to be the one giving it to them."
For the first time since she was eight years old, there was a big universe out there and Jyn was free to decide where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do. And all she could think about was how much she wanted to stay right here with Cassian for as long as possible instead.
He shrugged a little, back, shadowing his own smile. "I'd certainly share if they asked me. But I don't want to be part of a committee."
…He hesitated. A new thought had struck him.
"You know…"
His mouth was dry. He took a moment to swallow then continue.
"We… Part of why we can't know what to do with ourselves yet might be… We don't know what the Galaxy is going to be like, next. Hopefully some big things are gonna change.
"We could… get to know it. Before. Committing again.
"We could request an assignment together that would take us places. Get to know what's going on and report back.
"…Or we don't have to check in right away at all. Just… travel a bit. Meet the new universe."
Not everything, he was certain, would change. In some places, nothing; in others, not as much as they'd like. But still… some things might. They might.
[OOC: and somewhere in the galaxy, Leia shouts, I am not a committee!]
Request an assignment left a bitter taste in Jyn's mouth. Thing was - while she had stayed because it had been the right thing to do, the bigger reason was because Cassian had been there, had wanted her to, even though he had never come out and said as much.
For once in her life, Jyn didn't want to have to report to anyone, feel beholden to anyone. She wanted to be free. But Cassian had been doing his job for so long that he wouldn't really know what to do with himself without rules and regulations and orders.
And Jyn would have to learn how to compromise if she wanted to stay with Cassian.
He was right, though. Some things may not change quickly or at all. It was a brand new galaxy, a brand new era, and no one could begin to know what was going to happen.
She took a deep breath, tried to smile, probably failed at her attempt to appear as steady as she was trying to portray herself to be. Compromise flew right out the window when what she finally offered in response was -
"I want to take you and run away and never look back."
Immediately, Jyn sighed in frustration, dropped her gaze and shook her head slightly. Okay. Wrong thing to say. But she could still pull it back around, make herself less unreasonable in her wants. She'd had more time to come to terms with the war ending and what that might mean, after all.
Cassian - was still processing.
"But I can do that, I think, if it's what you want to do. Find a way to continue making myself useful."
Okay, that wasn't any better, the bitterness that colored her words just so.
"I don't know what the right decision is - ", Jyn quietly replied, raising her eyes slowly to meet Cassian's again. "I just know that whatever I do, I want it to be with you."
His breath had stopped at I want to take you and run away.
The way she tried to walk it back was… very touching, to him. A small sample of the efforts she was willing to make on his behalf, for his… (tethers? loyalties? issues.)
But maybe he was glad she'd said it and didn't need it walked back.
Maybe some of that could come across in how his hand shifted again. Turned over and transformed its tentative hold with hers into a solid one. And the intent, brighter look in his eyes when she raised hers.
Lightly, to encourage fantasizing not just planning, but also that new… excited light in his eyes… "Run away where?"
And ... making a compromise didn't feel like a cop-out if it meant she and Cassian would continue to work (be?) together. Besides, what good would total freedom do for her if she didn't know how to use it?
At least she found some measure of relief when he turned his hand over and they were palm-to-palm before he adjusted his grip and their fingers were fully entwined. Momentarily, she thought about how much she didn't want to have to let go again. Not anytime soon, anyway.
Tentatively, her smile widened as she took in Cassian's new expression, a light shining in his eyes that she had never seen before, and was it because of her or the thought of running away together, or both - ?
"I don't know", she answered, slowly, a soft chuckle bubbling its way past her lips. "Are you a big city person or a quiet countryside kind of man? Glee Anselm, maybe, to see all the crystal-clear oceans."
The kind who was supposed to have died. Who'd done what he'd done to make a new world, for others to live in. Who'd have given up his own place in it by what he did to help create it. And now…?
He thought of Kafrene, Jelucan, Coruscant, Jedha, Five Points Station, Varadan… big city. Then he thought of Pakrik Minor, Charissia, Lothal, …even Scarif. Quiet countryside. In a city, he feared he'd never stop looking over his shoulder. In the country, he was afraid he'd succumb to his thoughts.
But, either place, he'd be with Jyn. And if his… cognitive dissonance, manifested, to either… she already knew that. She was prepared. She understood.
Crystal-clear oceans. Perhaps they could sit on a beach, where they were consumed by nothing but sunset, and overwrite the memory of the last one where they'd been nearly consumed by kyber.
"I've never been to Glee Anselm," he said. "I'd like to. With you."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-01-15 09:01 am (UTC)He ran his thumb again over the back of her hand, eyes going a little unfocused, but not straying far from hers. "…I'd never stop pointing out how any law could be misused or broken. And since all laws can, we'd get nowhere. That's not really what laws or for, anyway—to be foolproof. And… I abdicated my rights to such things a long time ago." That was getting too close again to what he was surprisingly glad he'd said to Jyn but didn't want to say again or any more. So he finished with, "I'd much rather leave that sort of thing to Mon Mothma and Leia Organa. Their view is bigger than mine."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-28 04:41 am (UTC)As she listened to Cassian speak, she felt her heart lift a little with each word. For as much as she didn't want to stick around and try to make a place within the ranks of the new governing body that would need to be formed, if Cassian had said yes, Jyn would have followed.
Even though that was not the life she wanted to live nor the job she wanted to do, but she would have made a go of it just to continue spinning around and around in his orbit.
"Maybe they need that point of view in order to make the laws stronger, Cassian", she offered quietly, shrugging. "I just don't want to be the one giving it to them."
For the first time since she was eight years old, there was a big universe out there and Jyn was free to decide where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do. And all she could think about was how much she wanted to stay right here with Cassian for as long as possible instead.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 02:50 am (UTC)…He hesitated. A new thought had struck him.
"You know…"
His mouth was dry. He took a moment to swallow then continue.
"We… Part of why we can't know what to do with ourselves yet might be… We don't know what the Galaxy is going to be like, next. Hopefully some big things are gonna change.
"We could… get to know it. Before. Committing again.
"We could request an assignment together that would take us places. Get to know what's going on and report back.
"…Or we don't have to check in right away at all. Just… travel a bit. Meet the new universe."
Not everything, he was certain, would change. In some places, nothing; in others, not as much as they'd like. But still… some things might. They might.
[OOC: and somewhere in the galaxy, Leia shouts, I am not a committee!]
oop pretty sure i've already said i want it to be with you before. doesn't hurt to reiterate it!
Date: 2020-02-09 06:15 pm (UTC)For once in her life, Jyn didn't want to have to report to anyone, feel beholden to anyone. She wanted to be free. But Cassian had been doing his job for so long that he wouldn't really know what to do with himself without rules and regulations and orders.
And Jyn would have to learn how to compromise if she wanted to stay with Cassian.
He was right, though. Some things may not change quickly or at all. It was a brand new galaxy, a brand new era, and no one could begin to know what was going to happen.
She took a deep breath, tried to smile, probably failed at her attempt to appear as steady as she was trying to portray herself to be. Compromise flew right out the window when what she finally offered in response was -
"I want to take you and run away and never look back."
Immediately, Jyn sighed in frustration, dropped her gaze and shook her head slightly. Okay. Wrong thing to say. But she could still pull it back around, make herself less unreasonable in her wants. She'd had more time to come to terms with the war ending and what that might mean, after all.
Cassian - was still processing.
"But I can do that, I think, if it's what you want to do. Find a way to continue making myself useful."
Okay, that wasn't any better, the bitterness that colored her words just so.
"I don't know what the right decision is - ", Jyn quietly replied, raising her eyes slowly to meet Cassian's again. "I just know that whatever I do, I want it to be with you."
Part of why I take so long is reskimming the thread to see what I've said or not! :-D
Date: 2020-02-12 09:35 am (UTC)The way she tried to walk it back was… very touching, to him. A small sample of the efforts she was willing to make on his behalf, for his… (tethers? loyalties? issues.)
But maybe he was glad she'd said it and didn't need it walked back.
Maybe some of that could come across in how his hand shifted again. Turned over and transformed its tentative hold with hers into a solid one. And the intent, brighter look in his eyes when she raised hers.
Lightly, to encourage fantasizing not just planning, but also that new… excited light in his eyes… "Run away where?"
I just think 'that sounds familiar, I probably already wrote it somewhere OH WELL'. :0D
Date: 2020-02-13 07:37 am (UTC)And ... making a compromise didn't feel like a cop-out if it meant she and Cassian would continue to work (be?) together. Besides, what good would total freedom do for her if she didn't know how to use it?
At least she found some measure of relief when he turned his hand over and they were palm-to-palm before he adjusted his grip and their fingers were fully entwined. Momentarily, she thought about how much she didn't want to have to let go again. Not anytime soon, anyway.
Tentatively, her smile widened as she took in Cassian's new expression, a light shining in his eyes that she had never seen before, and was it because of her or the thought of running away together, or both - ?
"I don't know", she answered, slowly, a soft chuckle bubbling its way past her lips. "Are you a big city person or a quiet countryside kind of man? Glee Anselm, maybe, to see all the crystal-clear oceans."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-23 07:19 pm (UTC)What kind of man are you?
The kind who was supposed to have died. Who'd done what he'd done to make a new world, for others to live in. Who'd have given up his own place in it by what he did to help create it. And now…?
He thought of Kafrene, Jelucan, Coruscant, Jedha, Five Points Station, Varadan… big city. Then he thought of Pakrik Minor, Charissia, Lothal, …even Scarif. Quiet countryside. In a city, he feared he'd never stop looking over his shoulder. In the country, he was afraid he'd succumb to his thoughts.
But, either place, he'd be with Jyn. And if his… cognitive dissonance, manifested, to either… she already knew that. She was prepared. She understood.
Crystal-clear oceans. Perhaps they could sit on a beach, where they were consumed by nothing but sunset, and overwrite the memory of the last one where they'd been nearly consumed by kyber.
"I've never been to Glee Anselm," he said. "I'd like to. With you."