candor1 | Open RP Post

Her gasp had nearly made him pull away, when her hands on his jacket pulled him back. He hadn't meant to, but he meant it now, as he continued to kiss her, one hand pulling free only to fumble for the doorway and gently move them through and inside it.

Cassian may not have intended it, but now that it was happening, Jyn didn't want it to have to end. And even as they stumbled through the doorway, into her quarters instead of out in the hall where anyone passing by would see.

And Jyn hoped that somewhere within her kisses - a little messy, a lot desperate, needy and relieved and so wanting - Cassian could somehow feel exactly what she felt for him.

The words were too hard. But this, at least, was easier

Falling inside the room, inside the kiss, Cassian wrapped both arms around her and held on tight, keeping himself from falling through the molecules of the planet into space. He just wanted this to go on, go deeper, more...

But words, especially hard ones, should be said, after a lifetime (for him) of not saying anything he wanted to, it shouldn't be that way with Jyn; so perhaps unnecessary in one way but not another, he pulled back only far enough to breathe, "I couldn't find you. I didn't look. I followed procedure. I'm so sorry."

Oh, she had dreamt about this moment - ! In her dreams, the circumstances leading up to the kiss hadn't been quite so dire, but Jyn would like to think that her dream self had felt just like this, had felt weightless and unbound, like dream Cassian was the only thing holding her to the earth.

(Although, in her dreams, a little voice in the back of her head wasn't screaming what a bad idea this was, that it didn't mean anything, that it was a result of adrenaline and relief and nothing more.

This means nothing. You mean nothing. Don't get emotionally involved, it will only lead to disaster.)

Cassian pulled away, but stayed close, and Jyn wanted to breach the tiny distance between them to continue the kiss, but didn't, dizzy from the suddenness of it. And as he spoke, she wanted nothing more than to reassure him that she wasn't holding anything against him - it had all happened in the blink of an eye, and for as hard as she fought to find him, she had found herself caught up and unable to, as well.

"We're here now", she finally managed, her fingers gently touching his, "That's what matters."

[I'm so sorry I fell off the face of the planet, there! Any interest in continuing? Or starting something new? Or time-jumping from where we were? Sorry again!]

[Hiya! No worries, life happens, and I am always up for continuing, or doing something new, or whatever works best. I'm happy to play whatever, wherever, whenever.]

[Yay! Thank you! I'll refresh my memory a bit then tag :-) ]

[No problemo! I'll be here, so no hurry.]

[ <3!!!!!!!!]

His fingers threaded, almost hesitantly, with hers. His eyes searched her face, falling deep into the stardust in hers. He smiled in a way she'd never seen before—few people ever had: nervously, shyly. It made him look so much younger. Then tilted his face down to, more slowly, more careful and deliberate, kiss her again.

He took her breath away. How careful he was with her, so cautious, that he had managed to let his walls down far enough to allow her to see a wholly different side of him - nervous and shy and young, the young man that he should have had the chance to become. And she hoped, as she tilted her chin up in order to meet the kiss, hers.

Hers. All hers. He'd been hers since he met her.

His hand came up again—gently, carefully—behind her head, under her hair, as the kiss deepened.

And he took a step in the direction of the bunk.

His.

Ever since 'welcome home', probably before then. Now. Always. But Jyn couldn't fathom feeling like this for anyone else, couldn't imagine ever attempting it. This was where she wanted to be, who she wanted to be with.

And even as she gasped a muffled breath into the kiss and shivered from an unfamiliar but not unwanted touch of his hand, she easily followed his trail, eagerly followed along.

Yes. I want this. No more waiting.

He felt her move with him, and so continued it, until their legs bumped softly into the edge of the bunk. Then he drew back again just enough to find her eyes, and whisper, "Yes?"

Jyn stumbled a bit once Cassian stopped so suddenly, breathing out an embarrassed little chuckle under what was left of her breath, no hesitation when it came to meeting his eyes, to reassure him to the best of her ability - "Yes."

He reflexively swept an arm around her, to keep her stumble from worsening… which left him perfectly situated, with a responding chuckle and keeping their locked eyes, to reverently start to lower her onto the bunk.

Jyn honestly hadn't expected anything less. She was grateful for the way he held her steady, grateful for that answering chuckle, the earnestness in his eyes, grateful for the way he was treating her like she was something worthy of such care.

Hers.

Yours.

His hand cupped one side of her face. His lips went to the other: her cheek, her throat. One of his knees braced on the bunk, between her legs, so he could control their descent—keep it smooth and gradual. He pressed them close together, chests and thudding hearts, every degree of the way; his hand at her back momentarily clenching the fabric of her shirt, then smoothing there.

He knew a lot about this sort of situation—had been in it many times before for reasons he wasn't proud of: exchange for information, embed a false identity, run a diversion, preserve a cover story, be a sacrifice. But his heart had never beat so hard before. It might be the very first time he was here because he wanted to be, with someone he actually wanted… No. Adored.

Only ever yours.

Still, Jyn could hardly believe that any of this was even happening - that Cassian was kissing her, touching her, holding her steady even as he guided her to lie back, and she trusted that he would not steer her wrong.

She wanted this, after all, had wanted it and wanted Cassian for so long, and if this did turn out to be only just another figment of her imagination, she wanted to be able to commit it - to memorize him and the way he looked and felt and sounded so she could pull them up when she was alone and lonely and pining for him.

Jyn didn't have much expertise in this arena, intimacy, sex, love, they were all mysteries to her that she never anticipated being able to solve. She held onto him a little tighter, certain of one thing, at least, and that was how much she never wanted to let him go.

He buried his face in the curve of her neck and shoulder, kissing her there but also taking a moment to breathe.

His hand, meanwhile, gently, gently, massaged her stomach, then crept lower, under her waistband.

She welcomed him into the circle of her arms, careful not to hold on too tightly, even though all she wanted was some sort of physical reassurance that he wasn't a figment of her imagination, that he wasn't going anywhere.

Her pulse pounded erratically in her throat as he curled in closer, kissed her and took her in, and touched her in a way that she had never experienced before. The muscles of her stomach rippled as she took a deep but shaky breath, her voice tremulous and conflicted when she found enough of it to inform him -

"I've - I've never ... "

His hand stilled, holding her gently, and he pulled back just enough to be able to meet her eyes.

"Nothing you don't want," he said softly. "Ever. Okay? You don't have to do anything for me to be glad to be with you."

Jyn didn't know if she felt worthy of such care, and she was silent for a moment as her throat and eyes both burned from the strain of holding back unshed tears. Still, she didn't look away, didn't try to hide what she was thinking or feeling, needing Cassian to be certain that she was certain of what it was that she wanted.

"I never really wanted it before - ", she began, her voice soft but clear, not hesitant in the slightest. "But I do now. I want it with you."

She paused then, her brow furrowing in thought, her fingers tentative but gentle as she traced along his jawline. "Nothing you don't want, alright?"

…Did she know or guess…

…he didn't want to make this about that. About him.

Because it was just the same as she'd said, even if actions had been opposite. He'd never really wanted it before, but he did now with her.

"I promise," he said, and leaned forward to kiss under her eyes.

There was clearly still plenty that needed to be discussed, although now was currently not the time.

Truthfully, she had worried that the admission would push Cassian away, or completely derail their momentum, but she felt reassured as he pressed kisses underneath one eye, and then the other.

"Good", she murmured, deliberate as she wound her fingers into his shirt and not so subtly urged him closer.

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