Open RP Post

[candor1]

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[candor1]

He made room for her hand at once, moving himself down, until he was tasting her nectared tissues, going as deep with his tongue as he could… and when he came up for air, he said, with hoarse devotion, "Tell me what you want?"

[wherehopegoes]

At least Cassian didn't seem annoyed as Jyn added to the pleasure that he was so dutifully giving her. She sighed heavily, shuddering as he turned his attention elsewhere.

She felt such a mess, panting and dazed, dizzy with desire, but despite that - didn't he know already what it was that she wanted more than anything else?

"You."

In whatever ways he would share himself with her.

[candor1]

His eyes positively darkened, with emotion and a hunger… and he gazed at her for a moment like he needed her light to power him…

Then, carefully, almost tentatively, moved his body up hers again, so they were face-to-face… and his obvious arousal was right there, held just back, above hers… and his hand between them bumped against hers, ready if need be to guide himself where… but he hesitated, again seeking her eyes.

[wherehopegoes]

Cassian had never looked at Jyn like that before, and she couldn't deny that the heat in his eyes was exciting in a way that she hadn't felt before, that the blood in her veins wasn't positively boiling to be the recipient of it - the cause of it.

And then he shifted positions again, carefully and cautiously settling himself just above her, close, but not close enough, and she felt as though she almost couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't even act except to meet his eyes and nod almost imperceptibly, fingers shaky as she bumped his - and then reached out further, wanting to know what it felt like if she just ... for a moment ... touched him much like he had her.

She wet dry lips, her voice as shaky as her fingers as she asked - "May I?"

[candor1]

He seemed a bit stunned, for a moment. Then moved his own hand aside, setting it to rest beside her head, where his fingers could run a moment through her hair, and he nodded. His voice hoarse but glad. "You can do anything."

[wherehopegoes]

How could she not want to? How could she not want to learn him like he was learning her, how could she not want to give him the same sorts of pleasure. Jyn didn't want to be greedy, not in this

She flexed her fingers, but made no more move to continue on her quest, choosing instead to keep her eyes firmly on Cassian's, taking him in intently as she could manage. "Don't tell me that - ", she answered, although there was still a hope in her voice, in her expression. "There's so much that I want with you, Cassian."

[candor1]

"I didn't mean…"

He dropped any instinct of a sabacc face; let her see him struggling to gather his thoughts. "I meant… I can't imagine anything you could do that I don't want, too. With you."

Both his hands moved to brush back her hair and frame her face. His own was suspended a breath away.

"I trust you," he whispered. "And there's so much I want with you, too."

[wherehopegoes]

Jyn's composure crumbled completely, and for a moment, she appeared absolutely crushed because she felt absolutely crushed. But she struggled to regain control so that she could give Cassian the attention he deserved ...

While simultaneously wishing she could just disappear.

Stupid, she thought, even as he spoke words that she had been wanting to hear from him, silent and still even as he pushed her hair out of her face and carefully cradled her cheeks in his hands.

She might have whispered 'are you sure' in return, but what she meant was do you mean it and you don't have to say it just because I want it and any number of other worries and fears.

[candor1]

"Hey…" He kissed her forehead, her cheek, and her mouth. He pulled back to meet her eyes. He looked completely at a loss. "What is it? What's wrong?" He would not make this moment about him, even to panic that he'd done something terrible. If he had, if she let him, he'd make it right.

[wherehopegoes]

This was not the conversation that Jyn wanted to have while she and Cassian were in this position, just on the verge ...

But then, if not now, what, feeling awkward and unsure at a moment when she should be feeling anything but? Still, she accepted the kisses, and her heart dropped to see Cassian so confused, and she swallowed hard as she lifted her hands and brushed gentle touches to his shoulders, along the lengths of his arms.

Why was it so hard to speak and risk ruining the moment completely?

"I assumed that this was ... not just sex. I had ... hoped ... that it might be more?"

But after hearing the 'I didn't mean ... ' as the first thing to leave Cassian's mouth ... Jyn wasn't very sure at all anymore.

[candor1]

He blinked. "I… assumed the same. Jyn… I'll stop right now if this threatens my staying at your side for the rest of my life."

[wherehopegoes]

Jyn closed her eyes momentarily, and when she opened them again, they were a little watery, but still bright, regardless. Now she lifted her hands, placed her palms gently against his cheeks, holding steady.

"You want that with me?"

[candor1]

Minutely, so as not to displace her hands, he nodded.

"I've never put anyone or anything ahead of a mission in my whole life. I put you ahead of the mission three times. I'm yours, Jyn," he said quietly. "If you don't want me around, I won't be. But wherever I am, I'll still be yours."

[wherehopegoes]

Jyn took a small, sharp breath, closing her eyes and breaching what little distance there was between them in order to gently press her forehead to Cassian's, just trying to find some sense of composure when it felt like her heart was beating like crazy.

"You believed in me when nobody else did. You risked your life for me when you didn't have to", she started, barely louder than a breath. "I don't know where I would be if not for you, and I - I do want you around. I want you by my side, and I want you to be there for as long as I can have you."

[candor1]

He closed his eyes and pressed back into her: foreheads, pounding hearts, breathing chests. Not lower—he kept that held back. That wasn't part of this; not a requirement, not an expectation, not anything. Good if they wanted it. Unnecessary if not.

"Jyn Erso," he murmured. "I promise to be there as long as I can."

[wherehopegoes]

Jyn knew that she couldn't ask for anything more. Forever wasn't a concept that she could afford to believe in when the galaxy that the lived in was so dangerous and uncertain, for them moreso than most.

"I promise to be there as long as I can" was as close as they could get.

"For as long as I can, Cassian", she breathed. "I can give you that."

[candor1]

They had the same relationship with—understanding of—the universe. They knew better than to talk of 'forever'. But as I can meant more from Cassian, he hoped, than others; he could quite a bit.

And she returned it… and he had to remember how to breathe.

And then kiss her again.

And then leave their faces gently touching to exhale a laugh. "I never thought… I'd have… this… with anyone. I never… meant to. You saved me."

[wherehopegoes]

Welcome home, he had said, and maybe she was. Maybe a home didn't have to be a place ... maybe it could be a person, and maybe - maybe she had found hers.

She found her breath, and eagerly returned the kiss, and huffed out a breathless laugh as well, because how could she ever have thought anything else ...

"Me too, Cassian, me too", she answered, her fingers gentle as they traced along his jawline. "But here we are."

And, she hoped, on the verge of something very good. And after everything, wasn't that long overdue?

[candor1]

The edges of his mouth twitched upward in a smile, as if drawn by her touch. He turned his face just enough to kiss her fingers.

Then moved inward, to kiss her neck.

Then paused again, his breath shallow in her ear.

"Will you tell me what to do, now?" he breathed. "I… need to be sure I'm not… pressuring you, or…" It was a conversation they'd have to have—or perhaps a confession he'd have to make—later. Right now, he'd rather make love to her, or hold her while they spoke, or fall asleep together. Any of the above.

[wherehopegoes]

The kiss to her fingertips tickled a bit, and Jyn breathed out a soft laugh in return in the moment before Cassian turned his attention to kissing her throat, and she found herself shivering gently as his warm breath blew across the shell of her ear again and again.

She wasn't expecting Cassian to ask for guidance, and the truth was that she didn't really know the most logical path to take after everything. Conversation would definitely need to be had at some point, but she didn't know if she was emotionally ready to undertake them just quite yet. Sleep was probably their best option, considering the adrenaline and worry of the day, and maybe she was selfish to consider anything otherwise, but -

"You are not pressuring me. I'm with you because I want to be. I - I don't want to stop if you don't. I want you, Cassian, but I can wait if you'd rather not ... right now."

[candor1]

He exhaled a glad, relieved laugh, and kissed her again: her neck, her ear… and began to drag his body against hers again.

"I don't want to stop… I want you so much I don't trust myself… but I trust you."

Then reached his hand down between them to gently touch her—confirming—then moved himself where they needed him.

Paused before the final push for one more confirming look into her eyes.

[wherehopegoes]

He must have known that she wouldn't have continued if she felt the least bit uncomfortable or unsure. That was why she had asked the question that had stopped them in their tracks - to be certain that she hadn't mistread and misconstrued the situation completely.

It only lasted a moment, but there was a joy in Cassian's laugh that she wanted to hear again and again. But Jyn concentrated on each kiss that he gifted her with instead, the way he leaned in closer, breaching the distance between them, the skin-to-skin contact more than enough to coax a soft, low moan from Jyn's throat, a shiver to wrack her body from head to foot.

Cassian was her partner - her person - and Jyn trusted him implicitly. "I do", she murmured, the hands cupping his face dropping to his shoulders, slipping down to trail along the center of his chest until she rested her fingertips just above his heart. "I trust you."

She was still wet and wanting and willing, and although she bit her bottom lip, there was no fear in her eyes when she met his, no uncertainty or doubt.

"Please - "

[candor1]

Every shiver in her reverberated back through him. He wanted to make her feel everything good and wonderful that was in his power; she deserved every joy in the universe, and if he could be a part of any of it…

Please—his vision nearly went black with passion at the word. But he wouldn't allow an instant of this to be anything less than fully present, fully aware, fully chosen. They'd been made into such violent creatures. But violence was going to come nowhere near this. Even before that very important clarification: all he wanted to be to her was loving.

In fact he may have whispered, "I love you…" As with lips, hands, skin and eyes all intent upon her for any sign of pain — he moved inside.

[wherehopegoes]

Could he have any idea that Jyn wanted the same exact things - ? And she thought she knew Cassian well enough by now to know that he would argue that he wasn't deserving of anything good, but ... he did. He had been through so much trauma, done so much in service of the cause that was clearly still weighing heavily on his shoulders, and ...

Jyn wanted to give Cassian something good. She wanted to be something good for him - even though she, too, did not think herself particularly good.

But all she could think as he pressed forward and whispered words that took her breath away completely was how much she loved him in return. Despite a little twinge as he carefully began filling her, Jyn was feeling no pain. His name on her lips, her hands scrambled to pull him a little closer, hold him a little tighter.

[candor1]

There.

Panting for breath, for a moment he lay motionless, every inch of his skin pressed to hers, his head beside hers turned to her, one hand gently grasping her shoulder, the other tangled in her hair; chests breathing together, hearts thudding in time.

At last, he raised his shoulders and pulled back his head enough to look in her eyes again. For the first time in years, he wasn't sure what his face was doing. But fine: let her see him artless, genuine, even if he looked like an idiot—which he probably did, staring, drinking her in. He was… trembling… no, vibrating, at how amazing it felt in her… physically yes, muscles and tissues and nerves, but mainly because it was Jyn; Jyn with him, around him…

He couldn't gather enough voice even to ask Okay? so just raised an eyebrow.