candor1 | Open RP Post

From:

It said so much that with each other - and only with each other, they could find any real rest. Jyn hated having to tear herself out of Cassian's embrace and his bed and his quarters while it was still quiet enough for her to do so without being intercepted.

Maybe this time, she wasn't as careful and as cautious as usual. Or maybe he had just acclimated to the feel of her curled up close during the night and finally recognized the loss as she pulled away and stood up, searching for clothing long abandoned on the floor below.

But this time, Jyn didn't get very far away before Cassian reached out, curling his fingers around hers, keeping her rooted to the spot.

She waited one heartbeat, then another, and one more, and although she didn't yet turn, didn't continue with her usual routine or buck it entirely in order to climb back underneath the blanket with Cassian, she did murmur - a ghost of a sound in the stillness of the room -

"Are you sure?"

From:

candor1

His heart now pounded in his throat. He gently squeezed her fingers. He never exerted any pressure on her, from his hands or his arms, that she couldn't break away from; but for just a heartbeat he clung on.

"If you want to. Yes."

From:

shiningstardust

She wanted to.

But it still took another heartbeat, two, three, before her body listened to the direction of her heart and allowed her to turn back around and carefully climb back into bed, to arrange herself as close as she could without lying all over Cassian, always cognizant of his back and leg pain, always intent upon not worsening it.

Finally, as she traced gentle but calloused fingertips along his arm, she dared to breach the silence.

"I want to. I don't ever want to leave you."

From:

candor1

He pressed his palm along the curve of her back, until his arm was around her, folding her in closer still. Where she was considerate of his old injury, he seemed heedless of it.

He brought his other arm around, to trace his fingers under her hair, complete the circuit of their embrace. He murmured, "I was afraid… I thought… I don't know. I don't want to push. But if you want… this… to be open knowledge, we can. …And if you don't, we don't have to. But right now… there's a few hours yet before I have to be anywhere."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn hummed quietly, allowing her eyes to flutter shut as she enjoyed the touch of fingers that were as rough as her own, that could still be remarkably gentle with her. They were both a little worse for wear, both a mass of broken pieces, missing parts, stitched back together again, and yet - maybe despite their patchwork parts, they still somehow managed to fit exactly where they needed to fit with each other.

Even with her eyes closed, she frowned. It was a bit hypocritical coming from the woman who had become adept at slipping out of Cassian's bed and his room in the wee hours, but she still wanted to reassure him that there was nothing to be afraid of. Jyn wasn't sure that she would ever be ready for their relationship to become common knowledge, but she was sure of one thing -

"I want to spend those hours with you."

She breathed in, and breathed out, and opened her eyes to try to search his expression in the grey of the room. "Do you want ... us ... to be open knowledge?"

From:

candor1

"I want," he said, slow as his hand down her back, "whatever will let me spend all my time at your side. As long as you let me."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn breathed out a noise that could have been a soft chuckle or a sob, or some amalgamation of the two, content to press a kiss to his shoulder as she considered just what that would entail - if it was worth giving up their privacy for.

And eventually -

"I want that, too, more than anything."

From:

candor1

He flexed his shoulder to urge her face up to his and softly pressed their lips.

"I think," he breathed between kisses, "I was yours before I met you."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn followed the unspoken directive, easily tilting her face upward, and just as easily catching and returning the kiss, hopeful that even though it was gentle and easy, her feelings were more than clear.

"Do you believe in destiny - ", she murmured between those same kisses. "I don't think I did until you."

From:

candor1

"I didn't think so," he whispered back, his other hand playing with her hair, his eyes deeply searching hers: sky black and stardust. "I didn't really believe in the Force. I thought… superstition or… confirmation bias or… something separate from those who talked about it. But now I think… there was never a division intended. We are the Force, or a part of it, as much as anything else. And everything in my life led up to meeting you. So… yeah. Because of you, I believe in the Force now. So I believe in destiny."

From:

shiningstardust

"I don't think that I wanted to believe that everything happened for a reason - ", she ventured, a little knot of concentration forming between her eyebrows, "Because of all that I'd lost. It didn't make sense, I couldn't fathom what it was all leading me toward. And even after I met you ... I still couldn't put it all together. Not until you told me 'welcome home' and probably not until you saved my life on Scarif. But I have to believe that everything was pointing me here, toward you, with you, because I am so happy, and I don't feel alone anymore, and I - yes, I believe that we were always meant to be."

From:

candor1

"Me too," he agreed, ears still ringing and skin flushed that his words could have had such an effect on her. "If I believed in the Force, I'd have to accept reasons for all the terrible things… so I refused. I still refuse to believe it's anyone's will or plan or have these horrible things happen. But in spite of them… here we are. In spite of lives alone and everything stolen from us, we could find… us. Something restored. That's a Force I can believe in."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn was silent for a moment before she sighed heavily and clutched at Cassian a little tighter. "I'm still so angry and still so hurt, and I can't understand so much of what I've gone through - "

She needed a moment to catch her breath, but once she did, she was able to continue. "You're not a replacement for what I've lost, but you are something good in the midst of all the bad. I want the chance to have a life with you. I want the chance to build something good for us, and I ... "

She shook her head, and laughed softly, a little overcome. "I don't want to have to hide anymore."

From:

candor1

That's why he'd needed to tell her about his past. His fear that he wasn't inherently something good. But she knew that now and said it anyway, so for her, he would be.

Exhaling gently, he brushed her hair back from her face. "You still feel like you're hiding? Here with the Alliance?"

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn didn't always believe herself worthy of Cassian's love and devotion, but she was trying. And knowing that he felt the same, she made it a point to reiterate that he was her something good, and tried very hard to believe that she could be that for him, too.

"Every day, I feel a little more certain that I'm where I need to be", she slowly replied, searching out more of his touch. "I feel like I'm hiding us ... and I don't know why I'm so afraid to just be open with it all."

From:

candor1

One of those small, slow smiles crept onto Cassian's face, that was so subtle yet transformed it utterly.

"Shall we go tell Draven right now?" he asked. It was hard to tell if he was teasing or serious.

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn couldn't help the way her lips tugged up into a small, secret smile, as well. It was hard to resist wanting to return Cassian's smile - the one that was so tiny but still meant so much, showed so much.

"It can wait - let him have his caf first", she replied, mostly teasing but maybe just a little serious. "I'd rather stay here with you."

From:

candor1

He hugged her close and kissed her; the back of her neck where her short hairs tickled his face, behind her ear, down the side of her throat.

From:

shiningstardust

She sighed and relaxed just a little more thoroughly, happy to lean against him as she pressed those kisses everywhere he thought to, every place he wanted to leave a little of himself behind.

"... I don't ever want to leave you again."

From:

candor1

His hand rested low on her stomach. The other crossed her chest to gently grasp her shoulder and hold her against his beating heart. He closed his eyes into her hair, kissing her hair and whispering into it, "If I have any say in it, as long as I'm alive, I'm yours. I'll never leave you." That much he'd proven already. This next perhaps needed saying more: "And I'll never lie to you."

From:

shiningstardust

Jyn enjoyed the silence for a long moment, how gently Cassian gathered her close and held her steady, how she could feel sure hands and strong heartbeat and know that they were being given to her just as thoroughly as Cassian's whispered reassurances.

She knew that he meant them - that they weren't just meaningless platitudes. He'd proven time and again, after all, that he would always come back for her, and that was ... well, Jyn didn't know how to show her gratitude in words.

She hoped that by staying, he knew that she felt exactly the same.

"I know", she murmured, her still-shaky fingertips tracing circles into the warm skin of his arm. "You are my home. I promise, if I have to leave, I'll always return."

Jyn breathed out a softly amused little noise, her voice just touch embarrassed when she continued - "Does this mean I can move in with you now?"

From:

candor1

He clasped her shaking hand in one of his, kissed each of her fingertips, his whole body shaking with silent relieved laughter.

"Yes," he said, "god yes, please. You're my home, too."

From:

shiningstardust

She breathed out a noise that was almost a chuckle, but the way that she finally offered a smile, as small and as fleeting as it turned out to be was at least a hint of proof that she was feeling a little more certain, a little more sure of what she wanted.

"I love you, Cassian. More than anything."

From:

candor1

He was silent for a moment, his lips pressed to her hair. Then he murmured a stream of something in a language Jyn didn't know—his native language? before repeating, "I love you, Jyn. I don't know if I've ever loved anyone before."

From:

shiningstardust

Someday, Jyn would ask Cassian to teach her - at least how to say the important things, to have something to share with him from his homeworld, but now wasn't quite the time. "It's terrifying, isn't it? Loving someone, I mean. I don't know what I'm doing, but I do know that all I want is to be with you for as long as I can have you."