candor1 | Open RP Post

Oh… skies… gods… Force…

Her muscles gripped him and he came hard, jolting and spasming and dissolving and letting out a moan… she was gold and moonlight and he pulsed out into her and nearly blacked out.

The only thing that kept him together was not wanting to miss a moment of this. And wanting to make sure she was there with him.

(And ready to bring her there otherways if not.)

Panting for breath, throbbing and overwhelmed but not moving to disconnect from her for an instant, he put his face gently against hers, one hand smoothing back her hair. "You okay?"

As if Jyn wasn't already overwhelmed by the enormity of it all - what they were doing, what they felt for each other, what this all meant for their present, their future ...

Her vision returned just in time for her to watch as Cassian tumbled from his edge, and seeing him so unguarded, so free, and she knew that she had never seen a lovelier sight - that she wanted to see it all the more often, that she wanted this, and him, for as long as she was able to have it.

So, she clutched at him a little tighter, and held him a little closer as she rode out each and every burst of fireworks as they exploded along the length of her spine and engulfed her body completely.

For a long moment, Jyn couldn't answer, her chest heaving erratically as she fought for breath, but she could enjoy the close proximity, how Cassian hadn't pulled out and left her bereft yet, that he was still there, still checking on her, still making sure that all was well.

For a long moment, Jyn tried to reassure herself that she wasn't going to cry, but the rawness of her throat and the hot tears prickling behind her eyelids were impossible to ignore. With a short nod of acknowledgement, her voice low and hoarse when she murmured 'yeah' in response.

His hand moved around to her cheek, his thumb gently touching below her eye, seeing the brightness of tears. He regarded her carefully for a moment. Then, slowly, lowered his face to hers for a long, intensely gentle kiss.

She wasn't hurt - just overwhelmed. All the moreso as Cassian inspected her, gentle as his thumb brushed just underneath her eye, where she knew he must have seen the tears that she couldn't quite keep at bay.

But he didn't say anything - didn't repeat his query, choosing to kiss her (soothe her) instead. She sighed quietly as she returned the kiss, hoping that in it, he knew what she was trying to say.

yes, i am okay

i'm glad it was you

i am yours

please dont leave

iloveyou

He thought he understood. Even when at last he drew back for breath, his hand remained cupping her cheek, his finger tracing on her skin. He gave her a somewhat searching, somewhat nervous, entirely hopeful smile, before his arms shivered too much with exhaustion and he lowered himself for his head to rest beside hers, turned to her, pressing another kiss to her cheek.

"I've never done that," he murmured without entirely meaning to, "with someone I loved, before."

Jyn didn't care that a tear had slipped from her eye and trailed down her cheek, leaving a shining trail behind. When Cassian pulled away and shared that smile - searching and nervous and hopeful, she offered her own in return, a smile that was hesitant and shy, but infinitely hopeful, as well.

She welcomed Cassian as he gave in to his exhaustion, quiet as gentle fingers danced along the length of his arm.

Did he realize what he'd said? Or had the words just slipped through?

Should she acknowledge or act as though she hadn't heard at all?

And she couldn't ignore the implications of the statement either, could she? That the times he'd done this before had been for the cause, or ...

"What about now?", she began, her voice soft, questioning.

His arm tightened a little across and around her.

"Now… I feel like I finally understand it." Another press of his lips to her cheek, her hair, before murmuring, "I love you, Jyn."

For a moment, Jyn was silent.

One heartbeat, another, one more -

And then she breathed out a shaky breath as she resumed tracing reassuring, random patterns into Cassian's skin.

"I love you, too."

He let out a deep, slow breath, and for a little while just let himself sink into the pillows and her. Listening to and feeling their hearts beat, matching his breathing to hers.

At last, with a trace of humor, but also sincere: "How about you? Any notes?"

For once, the silence wasn't uncomfortable, didn't feel like it was going to swallow Jyn whole. She wasn't alone, after all, and just being with Cassian, resting at his side, falling into sync with each other - in this as well as all things - made her feel content enough.

She hummed softly, but turned just enough to be able to meet his eyes, her green shining with amusement. "I've got little to compare it to. But I think I'd like it - ", here, she paused, her cheeks flushing soft pink, "if you used your mouth again? What about you? What can I do better next time?"

Because there would be a next time, and after that, and again ...

She hoped.

A slight twitch of his body still in hers gave a hint how he felt about that suggestion. He didn't leave it at that, though. He also smiled, loving her blush as much as the words causing it; "I like that, too."

Next time. Part of him had still feared… nothing rational when he remembered who she was and what they'd already said. Some things were hard to shake, though. He wasn't used to people sticking around either, definitely wasn't used to planning or counting on a future… but Jyn wasn't people… he trusted her, he believed her. It was just good now and then to get the reminders to shake off all the irrelevant experiences and expectations. Because he'd never expected to share something like this with anyone. And now not just anyone, but her.

"Not 'better'," he murmured back, because it had already been… like nothing else in his life. "That was…" Beautiful. Peace and euphoria. "…something I'd like more of, as is. But we can experiment, with adding more. See if you liked being on top maybe." The thought of being able to watch her riding him caused another stir.

Jyn felt that twitch and shivered accordingly. Well - that was as good a sign as any that Cassian was as interested in the suggestion as Jyn was. He smiled, and the warmth pooled in the pit of her belly slowly began spreading outward.

If only she were lucky enough to see that smile all the more often - have these moments in the midst of everything. Now that she knew how Cassian felt - that her feelings were reciprocated, she never wanted to give it up, not for anything, not without a hell of a fight first.

Even though she had lost everyone she had ever loved before, even though she was scared that she would lose Cassian too - had almost lost before, she still wanted to believe that they had a chance. She had never felt like this before, and never wanted to feel like this for anyone ever again.

Wasn't this worth fighting for?

She had never felt anything quite like what she felt being with Cassian, never trusted anyone like she trusted him, never wanted to consider anything other than getting from one day to the next, but now ...

If the way that she suddenly pulsed around him was any indication, Jyn was very interested in his suggestion. "I ... am not averse to that."

Soon?

Cassian, in turn, suddenly understood how people believed in the Force. He wouldn't be able to do this otherwise. Without being able to believe that there were ultimately no partings.

The feel of her tightening on him was bringing him back to readiness, too. His hand gently spread on her back, again; fingers and palm soaking in the feel of her skin.

"If we want to get up," he murmured, "we should probably do it now. Otherwise… might be another while."

Jyn, too, found herself wanting to believe in anything that could possibly mean always finding each other - even in the after.

At the touch of his hand, she sighed, her eyes slowly closing as she enjoyed the warmth of his palm, the comfort of the contact, and now that the adrenaline had faded away, the simple pleasure of just lying together, taking solace in one another.

She breathed a softly amused little breath, her voice equally as quiet and fond. "Don't think I have anywhere to be just yet ... "

He exhaled a matching soft laugh, and craned his neck in to kiss her. Slipping his arm back around her to hold her close.

If they could feel like this more often - young and without worry, happy and (oh, Force) in love, Jyn wouldn't want to get out of bed unless it was absolutely necessary.

She easily accepted the kiss, returning it with vigor, mumbling something unintelligible as she gripped his arm a little tighter, too, wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible for as long as possible.

His breath was laughing as he pulled back just enough to murmur, re: her mumble, "What?" —without moving their chests apart or his lips getting too far away from hers.

Her cheeks flushed pink, her lips kiss-swollen but smiling, Jyn reached up to trace along his cheekbone with her thumb, she murmured, "I love you, that's all. And I never - I never thought I'd have the chance to tell you or show you."

His eyes were tear-bright meeting hers. He tilted his face a little into her touch, then moved back in for another kiss.

"Me, too," he murmured in a break for breath. "I think… since I met you." He hadn't been able to realize it then; he'd been Alliance, she an asset. And what had grown between them, what they'd given each other, had been beyond romance or sexuality. But he'd never chosen anyone or anything above the mission in his life. From the beginning, he'd chosen her. Every time.

Jyn would have tenderly wiped them away, but she was sidetracked as he leaned close and kissed her once again, easily getting lost in it and returning it and imbuing it with all the need she held.

"That long?", she quietly asked, even though the seeds had been planted then for her, as well. She hadn't trusted - not at first - but as they navigated Jedha and Eadu, even Scarif, those seeds had blossomed, even if she hadn't recognized what was growing. "I didn't know."

He had come back for her, time and time again, when she was far more used to being left behind. She should have known then, that he was doing it for a reason, that he cared more than she had ever hoped for.

"Neither did I. I didn't think I could afford to." His body, hardened again, moved slightly upon her. But his greater focus was on her face, which he held and kissed in many places. "I'm done living like that, now. I wouldn't go back if I could."

"Me neither", Jyn admitted, her breath catching in her throat as he moved, just enough to send a shiver racing up and down the length of her spine. "Love was weakness, and I couldn't afford to be weak, not if I wanted to live."

He kissed her over and over and over again, and she rocked her hips against him, testing the friction. "How do you want to live now?"

Her hips, pelvis, the cradle of her, stole his breath and thudded his heart; he slowly, gently met her every rise with a push of his own, feeling the blessed nectared sheathing again.

"With you," he answered at once, through trying to breathe. "Whatever else we do, I want it to be with you."

Jyn almost couldn't believe that so soon, they were both ready again, both wanting and needy. But as Cassian moved, too, and met every motion of her body, it was clear that the fire in her belly was beginning to crackle more, to grow and spread.

"I want it to be with you, too", she breathed, nodding gently. "I want everything with you."

He closed his eyes with the pleasure, of sensation and of her words. "Ah… Jyn…" Not trying to tell her anything; it was just the only word in existence that did justice to the feeling in his chest and below… And he braced himself again, around her torso, between her legs, to be better positioned, to roll with her, inside her, slow and gentle and deep.

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