But she did. For eavesdropping. For willfully keeping that fact from him and for purely selfish reasons ... because she couldn't yet give this up, or let him go, even though she now knew that was most likely best for the both of them.
Jyn knew what was expected of them as a married couple - but knowing he wasn't who he said he was, was that marriage even valid at this point? She wasn't going to force him to do anything he couldn't stomach doing just for the sake of keeping up appearances.
How cruel would she be to do that? She ached for him, every bit of her, but she could not be complicit in hurting him even worse than he already seemed to be.
"... I'll take you however I can have you. Nobody else needs to know what we do in the privacy of our own home."
Don't tell me that, she thought, suddenly breathing harshly, like she was about to lose all sense of self-control, like she could no longer hold back the tears prickling the insides of her eyelids. It'll just make things harder when it ends, when you leave, when I'm all alone again.
It was only when he pulled away that she opened her eyes, unable to school her expression before giving him a good look at all the emotions she was feeling - the conflict, the guilt and sadness, the understanding and regret.
The love.
"You're going to leave me", he replied, and it was a statement, not a question, and there was no blame or anger in her voice, just a heartbroken acceptance. "But I'll be alright - "
A lie.
"And ... I hope you'll remember that I love you, too."
There were so many questions she wasn't asking him; only fair for him not to ask this one of her. In any case. There were any number of reasons, including what he'd just said. And he couldn't argue against it. Not now.
His hand slipped from her face to the nape of her neck, under her hair. By that, he gently pulled her in to him again; tucked her head under his chin, against his heartbeat, and folded her so tightly in his arms as if that could shield them both from whatever was to come.
How on Hoth could the next day still have such innocuous, mundane fillings? Breakfast. Duties. Errands. One such had them meeting each other again out in the city, in one of the further-flung areas.
There, the day belatedly caught up to the previous day's prep for intensity. Jyn and Cassian found themselves being backed into a blind alley by a cordon of Coruscanti underworlders.
The fight didn't last long. The six underworlders were severely outmatched by their two targets. Once, though, Cassian seemed like he could forget to fight back, himself, as he stared instead, captivated in a way he hadn't anticipated and couldn't explain, at Jyn's exquisite skills.
He pulled his attention back to where it was needed in time. Except right about the time Jyn's final assailant fell, Cassian was still fighting his remaining one and didn't appear to see a fallen other creep back to their feet and pull a knife.
Funny how the more things changed, the more they stayed the same.
What a mundane thing to do while she was still reeling from everything that hat happened over the past few days, and uncertain of what the future was going to bring.
Maybe if she weren't so preoccupied in her own thoughts, she would have noticed that she and Cassian were being trailed. But the realization of the situation came too late, and they found themselves cornered by a group who clearly had malice in mind.
What the gang didn't take into account was that for innocuous as they appeared, both Cassian and Jyn knew how to defend themselves. She was small, but the individuals who took her on soon learned that they had underestimated her. Not that she didn't take a fair share of punches, but she doled out more, and soon, wild-eyed and panting, she turned to check on Cassian, just in time to see the gleam of a knife being unsheathed.
"Cassian!, she cried, breathlessly, desperately, "Knife!"
Her warning saved him. Without looking, he changed the grapple he was already in into a spin, whipping himself and his assailant around, so the one with the knife hit their cohort instead of Cassian. That broke the cohort's hold, and Cassian hurled the one into the other, punching each unconscious where they fell.
He stood panting a moment, watching to see if anyone moved. None did.
“Weapons?” he called reflexively to Jyn (who might well already be doing it). He stooped to grab the knife from one limp hand, then checked all three of his guys for any others. He came up with two vibroblades and a blaster. He shoved them into his belt. His own blaster, he took in hand in case anyone woke up too soon.
Something else needed doing. What was it? The back of his brain had noted something that his consciousness hadn’t caught up to. He frowned but couldn’t think of it, even as he pulled out his commlink. Imperial officer reporting six would-be muggers, one in urgent need of medical attention.
He sent it to Coruscanti emergency services, not the Imperial force. For all Coruscant was an Imperial-held world, there still might be some difference. The local forces might be more sensitive to the intricacies of their city—how some criminals might be so from victimization by more powerful systems, and might be able to get help and leniency by changing sides. The Imperial military would simply punish.
It was not what Joreth Sward would do. But it was the only way Cassian would do it.
...and shit That was it.
In the moment, he’d only registered she’s talking to me.
He turned, so slowly, every muscle taut and alert. He turned to face his ‘Fellow’ Imperial. Jyn Erso. His wife.
In the heat of the moment, adrenaline rushing through her veins, Jyn didn't even notice what she had said. All she knew was that if she hadn't warned Cassian, he would have lost his life right there in front of her, and she would have been helpless to do anything about it.
But he was able to duck and move in time, and the remaining assailants were soon readily dispatched. Jyn had already collected a stun baton and blaster from the men closest to her, and she called back - "Disarmed - " as she lifted a pair of wickedly sharp blades from the last.
She stepped back and watched for any signs of consciousness as Cassian called for authorities, the pounding of her heart slowly subsiding, her body wracked with shivers as the adrenaline began to dissipate, and the realization of what they'd been through began to set in more fully.
Slowly, he turned, the expression that he focused on her wary. Jyn blinked rapidly as he asked the question, her brow furrowing in her confusion. "Your ... name? Or ... maybe I just said watch out? I - I don't remember."
Said, "Nevermind." And stood there in silence, watching the unconscious gang, guarding them, until the Coruscant task force arrived. They took statements from Jyn and Cassian as the stabbed mugger was loaded onto a stretcher, the others cuffed and shuffled into various speeders. Cassian turned over the confiscated weapons and reholstered his own.
One officer offered to give Jyn and Cassian a lift home. Unusually, Cassian didn't look at Jyn for confirmation before he accepted.
The ride was short and uneventful. The officer shook both Jyn's and Cassian's hands at their door and gave them the number they could call if they wanted updates. Then she drove away.
But Cassian didn't turn to enter the housing block door. He stood motionless, looking out at the city.
Suddenly, he spoke to her—still without looking at her. "I'm not ready to go inside. The park one street over—will you come with me?"
Jyn knew that she had made a terrible mistake. Jyn knew that Cassian knew it, too. But neither said a word more as the task force arrived and took statements, each of the men taken away in turn.
Perhaps it looked like shell-shock to the officers, and maybe part of it was, but mostly, Jyn was worried. Would this hasten an ending she already felt coming? She hardly even registered his answering for her when the officer offered a ride home, even if it felt unbearably silent the entire way there.
They disembarked, but he made no move to enter their building. He wouldn't even look at her, so Jyn was surprised when he asked about going to the park instead.
All she wanted was to take inventory of whatever injuries she had accrued during the course of the struggle, to take a long, hot shower to wash everything away, and maybe to cuddle with Argi in order to feel some semblance of normality.
He finally glanced over his shoulder and shot her a smile. It didn't reach his eyes.
The walk was also silent, but at least mercifully short.
The park was one of the larger ones in the city. It had a little river that ran through, with a bridge over it; a few gentle hills where citizens liked to bring their domestic animals for exercise; and, at the heart of some manicured flowering shrubs, a rock garden, behind a gazebo: a grove of hanging trees. Few people ever trespassed across the garden to enter the grove. But it had a reputation, being private, so secluded from all surroundings, for being a popular makeout spot for adolescents.
There were no adolescents in it now—there were hardly any people in the park at all—when Cassian led the way into the trees without a word.
Inside the grove was like being in a dim curtained room. There was no view of the outside. Sounds and light were both muted. Cassian took a moment walking around it—like he was checking the perimeter.
Then he turned to Jyn. His eyes met hers. Then scrolled down over all of her.
He stripped off his jacket; unfastened and rolled up his sleeves; opened his collar. He reached for his belt like he was going to undo it.
Instead, in an instant, his blaster was back in his hand.
And aimed straight at her.
He said, voice soft, and—like his no-longer unreadable eyes—utterly anguished: "Please take off your clothes."
Jyn didn't exactly understand Cassian's desire to visit the park - and she didn't exactly feel comfortable on the walk, either, as short as it was. He didn't say anything, and it was the silence that set already overwrought nerves all the further on edge.
She had never visited the park before, although she had always intended to. Work always took precedence over anything else, even personal time to decompress or find some relaxation, and she had always been nothing but loyal ... until realizations had been made, until she had started speaking with the wrong people.
He didn't know that, did he? It wasn't like Jyn could just ask, so she followed where he led, careful to take in their surroundings, the surprising lack of other people utilizing the park and it's amenities.
They left the main path and entered the grove of trees, and there she stood, warily watching as he checked the perimeter, and then focused on her, her unease growing as she watched the removal of his jacket, the careful and deliberate rolling up of his sleeves and undoing of his collar, the way he reached for his belt ...
Her heartbeat sped up, and not in a good way.
She was surprised into breathlessness as he aimed his blaster at her, and slowly raised her hands as if to say that she wasn't a threat - and she wasn't. She wasn't armed, and she had no intention of trying to make an escape. He'd be able to neutralize her with no problem if she so much as made a move in the wrong direction.
She swallowed hard, nodding her understanding of the command. What recourse did she have at this point in time but to comply? Slowly, so as not to elicit a premature shot going off, she removed her clothing piece by piece, dropping jacket and shirt at her feet before toeing off her boots and stepping out of her trousers.
Her heart pounding against her ribs, Jyn waited for his next order.
His eyes and blaster nozzle never left her [—solely fixed on her face]. Even as he, quite unexpectedly, knelt. He put out his empty hand, and motioned 'over here'. "Toss the clothes to me. All of them. Undergarments too."
Jyn's eyes widened then, and she almost wished that they were anywhere other than here and now, but again, she nodded her understanding, and again, she kept her movements slow and deliberate as she disrobed the rest of the way, wishing she had some way of hiding even as she tossed pieces of clothing his way, undergarments first, crouching down to pick up the rest of the pieces to do the same.
His blaster stayed aimed at her directly. His eyes also stayed on her but became more off-center; keeping her in peripheral vision, so he'd immediately catch any movement, but where he could also glance down at the clothes. He picked up carefully, one item at a time. He ran his hand through every one, shook every one out. One by one, he set them down in a pile. Then at last turned his gaze back, fully, on her.
"Come closer," he said. When she had: "Okay. Stop. Turn around. All the way. Slowly."
(But he was still kneeling. No body language whatever suggested he planned to stand. And he didn't.)
Jyn almost held her breath as she watched Cassian pick up and search every item of clothing she had removed and tossed over. She wasn't sure if he was satisfied with his search, or what he had in store for her, but as he gave her more directions, she followed them, hoping that this ordeal would soon be over.
She stepped closer, one slow footstep at a time. She stopped and turned around and felt his eyes on her as he observed it all.
Afraid to breathe or think or speak, all she could do was continue waiting, wishing he'd give her some clue as to what he was thinking, what he wanted from her.
He no longer gave any sign at all what he was feeling. His eyes scoured every inch of her, but lingered nowhere. Her breasts and ass got not a millisecond more attention than her forearms and knees. And his face was as affectless and blank for all; nothing but business.
When she was facing him again, he minutely nodded. "Good. Almost done. Take down your hair, run your hands through it, and shake it out, upside-down."
Jyn had nothing on her person. Just scraped knuckles and developing bruises from the altercation with the would-be robbers. But if Cassian was checking her for bugs, which she now assumed he was, he wouldn't find any. She was clean.
Maybe once she shook her hair out and he saw for himself that he was not being monitored, he would let her re-dress and - what?
Go?
Jyn took a deep breath before she did as she was told, taking her hair down, shaking it out around her face and shoulders, and then ducking her head so that she could do it once more, hopefully to his satisfaction.
Finally, his gaze lingered—on her face. And his expression became readable again: intense sadness.
"Thank you," he said softly. He sat back on his heels, levered himself to his feet, and stepped back, putting space between himself and her pile of clothes. "Please dress."
Though he kept the blaster in his hand, he lowered it to no longer aim at her. He also started, best as he could one-handed, to roll his sleeves back down and refasten his collar. He couldn't put his jacket back on without putting down the blaster, so he slung it over his arm—hiding the blaster under it as he did.
Jyn's expression almost matched Cassian's as she redressed as quickly as possible, not wanting to feel as exposed and as vulnerable as she had during this whole ... exercise.
What could she even offer in response? You're welcome sounded ridiculous in her own head. She couldn't even string together enough of a sentence to ask what was going on. He'd tell her. He wasn't going to leave her hanging.
She thought she knew him well enough to know that.
...
She didn't know him at all.
Obviously, he still didn't trust her if he didn't feel comfortable putting his weapon away. Silently, she pulled her jacket back on, leaving her hair down, watching him with sad, regretful eyes.
He felt wretched he'd set her up to possibly think he was going to… but he'd partially undressed, himself, so that if anyone were to barge into the grove, it would look to them like they were interrupting not a search but a tryst.
He finished draping his coat over his blaster-hand and arm. "Let's go talk."
He hadn't ever checked the apartment for listening devices. If there was one, removing it would be out of character. And his staying in character while in presumed 'private' would be all the more convincing. But, now that he was satisfied Jyn wasn't wearing a wire either, that meant they weren't going to have this conversation in the apartment.
He didn't take the lead this time but walked beside her. Clearly, so he could direct their steps while not letting her behind him where she might attack him in turn (would be more than fair) or make a break for it.
He had a feeling she wouldn't. But when had he ever been able to let his feelings guide his life?
They left the grove and the gazebo and the garden behind and walked out into the main, open sweep of meadow. In the middle of the grass, Cassian stopped them, looking in all directions.
"Okay," he murmured. "Nothing in ear's reach for anyone to hide behind." He gave a (laughably, uncomfortably, sincerely) courteous gesture for Jyn to sit. Cassian did after her. They were close enough to each other to look, to any observer, like two lovers enjoying the sunlight. They were far enough from each other for no part of them to be touching.
Without further preamble, looking at her from under hooded eyes, Cassian said low-voiced, "Where did you hear that name?"
For a moment ... Jyn hadn't been certain of Cassian's intentions at all, but it had become clear enough that he wasn't interested in her more than he was any potential listening devices she might have carried upon her person.
Still, even after redressing, her sense of uneasiness did not begin to wane. It was hard to feel anything but knowing that a blaster was still being pointed in her direction underneath the jacked draped casually over Cassian's arm.
Even if she wanted to, there was no other choice she could have made but to accept.
Her neutal expression belied nothing, though, as they left the copse of trees and passed the gazebo and garden, both empty of anyone who might notice them or pay them any attention. With no witnesses, she had no idea what lied ahead for her. He could say talk all he wanted - Cassian was the one with the weapon, not her. For all intents and purposes, he was in charge of this situation.
He directed her to sit, and she complied, keeping still as he sat next to her, a slight distance between them. No, there was no one to overhear, but that was no reason to tempt fate just in case.
Jyn knew the question was coming, but it still took her breath away. There was no point in trying to lie, he already suspected her, he'd know if she tried to deceive him further. Truth it was.
She could only mean one thing. There was only one place he'd gone (a) without her and (b) where that name had been spoken.
Which meant she also knew…
For a protracted silence, Cassian just looked at her. Behind his steady eyes, gears whirred furiously.
It was simple, really. His cover was blown. He should evacuate immediately. Take Jyn with him again to the ship where Kay waited, already knowing she had no commlink, so that by the time she could walk back to reach any communications device to report him, they'd already have taken off and jumped to hyperspace.
(…Leave her a blaster to defend herself in case anyone tried to jump her out there again. …Dear Force, even now that she must be reclassified as an adversary, he couldn't think of her as an adversary…!)
But still he sat there, blaster invisibly drawn, gazing at her face, trying to read her. And then asking an unbelievably stupid question (because how would she not simply respond with what he wanted to hear and how could he verify either way) like: "Have you turned me in?"
Jyn wanted to try to explain that she hadn't been thinking, that it hadn't been a deliberate action to follow and eavesdrop and overhear things that hadn't been meant for her to learn, but she knew it would be of no use.
They were enemies.
He would never believe her.
Cassian just stared at her, and Jyn couldn't even begin to gauge what he might have been thinking. She was still breathing, although she didn't know how much longer that would be true. He was the one with a blaster trained on her, after all, and now he knew that she knew that he was a spy. It made sense that he would assume that she had turned him in, but as he asked the question, Jyn began to shake her head no, her expression pained, totally heartbroken. "No. No! If I had, you would have already been taken into custody."
Or worse.
"Could you stand down, please? I'm afraid that you're going to shoot me and that's not the way that I want to die", she asked, steady as she could manage, even though she could not hold her trembling at bay forever. "Please, Cassian."
He sat still another moment. Then, he quietly handed her his jacket. Under cover of that exchange (from, again, any outside eyes) he reholstered his blaster.
"Having just seen you fight," he said softly, "I knew I wouldn't be able to hold my own against you, hand-to-hand."
Admitting which was potentially a surrender. They were equally unarmed now.
He was going against every protocol he'd ever had.
His hands, now empty, rested on his knees. He turned one over palm-upward, toward her, silently asking for his jacket back.
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Jyn knew what was expected of them as a married couple - but knowing he wasn't who he said he was, was that marriage even valid at this point? She wasn't going to force him to do anything he couldn't stomach doing just for the sake of keeping up appearances.
How cruel would she be to do that? She ached for him, every bit of her, but she could not be complicit in hurting him even worse than he already seemed to be.
"... I'll take you however I can have you. Nobody else needs to know what we do in the privacy of our own home."
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However I can have you. …our own home. Oh gods. Oh skies oh Force oh god.
His hand found her cheek again. Stayed there as he suddenly leaned back, craning back his neck, so he could look into her eyes.
"Whatever happens," he said softly. "However things go. It isn't your fault. You deserve so much better. And I do love you."
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It was only when he pulled away that she opened her eyes, unable to school her expression before giving him a good look at all the emotions she was feeling - the conflict, the guilt and sadness, the understanding and regret.
The love.
"You're going to leave me", he replied, and it was a statement, not a question, and there was no blame or anger in her voice, just a heartbroken acceptance. "But I'll be alright - "
A lie.
"And ... I hope you'll remember that I love you, too."
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There were so many questions she wasn't asking him; only fair for him not to ask this one of her. In any case. There were any number of reasons, including what he'd just said. And he couldn't argue against it. Not now.
His hand slipped from her face to the nape of her neck, under her hair. By that, he gently pulled her in to him again; tucked her head under his chin, against his heartbeat, and folded her so tightly in his arms as if that could shield them both from whatever was to come.
And just breathed.
(as plotted!)
How on Hoth could the next day still have such innocuous, mundane fillings? Breakfast. Duties. Errands. One such had them meeting each other again out in the city, in one of the further-flung areas.
There, the day belatedly caught up to the previous day's prep for intensity. Jyn and Cassian found themselves being backed into a blind alley by a cordon of Coruscanti underworlders.
The fight didn't last long. The six underworlders were severely outmatched by their two targets. Once, though, Cassian seemed like he could forget to fight back, himself, as he stared instead, captivated in a way he hadn't anticipated and couldn't explain, at Jyn's exquisite skills.
He pulled his attention back to where it was needed in time. Except right about the time Jyn's final assailant fell, Cassian was still fighting his remaining one and didn't appear to see a fallen other creep back to their feet and pull a knife.
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What a mundane thing to do while she was still reeling from everything that hat happened over the past few days, and uncertain of what the future was going to bring.
Maybe if she weren't so preoccupied in her own thoughts, she would have noticed that she and Cassian were being trailed. But the realization of the situation came too late, and they found themselves cornered by a group who clearly had malice in mind.
What the gang didn't take into account was that for innocuous as they appeared, both Cassian and Jyn knew how to defend themselves. She was small, but the individuals who took her on soon learned that they had underestimated her. Not that she didn't take a fair share of punches, but she doled out more, and soon, wild-eyed and panting, she turned to check on Cassian, just in time to see the gleam of a knife being unsheathed.
"Cassian!, she cried, breathlessly, desperately, "Knife!"
EEE! Excited!
He stood panting a moment, watching to see if anyone moved. None did.
“Weapons?” he called reflexively to Jyn (who might well already be doing it). He stooped to grab the knife from one limp hand, then checked all three of his guys for any others. He came up with two vibroblades and a blaster. He shoved them into his belt. His own blaster, he took in hand in case anyone woke up too soon.
Something else needed doing. What was it? The back of his brain had noted something that his consciousness hadn’t caught up to. He frowned but couldn’t think of it, even as he pulled out his commlink. Imperial officer reporting six would-be muggers, one in urgent need of medical attention.
He sent it to Coruscanti emergency services, not the Imperial force. For all Coruscant was an Imperial-held world, there still might be some difference. The local forces might be more sensitive to the intricacies of their city—how some criminals might be so from victimization by more powerful systems, and might be able to get help and leniency by changing sides. The Imperial military would simply punish.
It was not what Joreth Sward would do. But it was the only way Cassian would do it.
...and shit
That was it.
In the moment, he’d only registered she’s talking to me.
He turned, so slowly, every muscle taut and alert. He turned to face his ‘Fellow’ Imperial. Jyn Erso. His wife.
“What did you call me?”
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But he was able to duck and move in time, and the remaining assailants were soon readily dispatched. Jyn had already collected a stun baton and blaster from the men closest to her, and she called back - "Disarmed - " as she lifted a pair of wickedly sharp blades from the last.
She stepped back and watched for any signs of consciousness as Cassian called for authorities, the pounding of her heart slowly subsiding, her body wracked with shivers as the adrenaline began to dissipate, and the realization of what they'd been through began to set in more fully.
Slowly, he turned, the expression that he focused on her wary. Jyn blinked rapidly as he asked the question, her brow furrowing in her confusion. "Your ... name? Or ... maybe I just said watch out? I - I don't remember."
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He closed it again.
Said, "Nevermind." And stood there in silence, watching the unconscious gang, guarding them, until the Coruscant task force arrived. They took statements from Jyn and Cassian as the stabbed mugger was loaded onto a stretcher, the others cuffed and shuffled into various speeders. Cassian turned over the confiscated weapons and reholstered his own.
One officer offered to give Jyn and Cassian a lift home. Unusually, Cassian didn't look at Jyn for confirmation before he accepted.
The ride was short and uneventful. The officer shook both Jyn's and Cassian's hands at their door and gave them the number they could call if they wanted updates. Then she drove away.
But Cassian didn't turn to enter the housing block door. He stood motionless, looking out at the city.
Suddenly, he spoke to her—still without looking at her. "I'm not ready to go inside. The park one street over—will you come with me?"
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Perhaps it looked like shell-shock to the officers, and maybe part of it was, but mostly, Jyn was worried. Would this hasten an ending she already felt coming? She hardly even registered his answering for her when the officer offered a ride home, even if it felt unbearably silent the entire way there.
They disembarked, but he made no move to enter their building. He wouldn't even look at her, so Jyn was surprised when he asked about going to the park instead.
All she wanted was to take inventory of whatever injuries she had accrued during the course of the struggle, to take a long, hot shower to wash everything away, and maybe to cuddle with Argi in order to feel some semblance of normality.
"... Yeah. Alright."
c/w and PM convo
The walk was also silent, but at least mercifully short.
The park was one of the larger ones in the city. It had a little river that ran through, with a bridge over it; a few gentle hills where citizens liked to bring their domestic animals for exercise; and, at the heart of some manicured flowering shrubs, a rock garden, behind a gazebo: a grove of hanging trees. Few people ever trespassed across the garden to enter the grove. But it had a reputation, being private, so secluded from all surroundings, for being a popular makeout spot for adolescents.
There were no adolescents in it now—there were hardly any people in the park at all—when Cassian led the way into the trees without a word.
Inside the grove was like being in a dim curtained room. There was no view of the outside. Sounds and light were both muted. Cassian took a moment walking around it—like he was checking the perimeter.
Then he turned to Jyn. His eyes met hers. Then scrolled down over all of her.
He stripped off his jacket; unfastened and rolled up his sleeves; opened his collar. He reached for his belt like he was going to undo it.
Instead, in an instant, his blaster was back in his hand.
And aimed straight at her.
He said, voice soft, and—like his no-longer unreadable eyes—utterly anguished: "Please take off your clothes."
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She had never visited the park before, although she had always intended to. Work always took precedence over anything else, even personal time to decompress or find some relaxation, and she had always been nothing but loyal ... until realizations had been made, until she had started speaking with the wrong people.
He didn't know that, did he? It wasn't like Jyn could just ask, so she followed where he led, careful to take in their surroundings, the surprising lack of other people utilizing the park and it's amenities.
They left the main path and entered the grove of trees, and there she stood, warily watching as he checked the perimeter, and then focused on her, her unease growing as she watched the removal of his jacket, the careful and deliberate rolling up of his sleeves and undoing of his collar, the way he reached for his belt ...
Her heartbeat sped up, and not in a good way.
She was surprised into breathlessness as he aimed his blaster at her, and slowly raised her hands as if to say that she wasn't a threat - and she wasn't. She wasn't armed, and she had no intention of trying to make an escape. He'd be able to neutralize her with no problem if she so much as made a move in the wrong direction.
She swallowed hard, nodding her understanding of the command. What recourse did she have at this point in time but to comply? Slowly, so as not to elicit a premature shot going off, she removed her clothing piece by piece, dropping jacket and shirt at her feet before toeing off her boots and stepping out of her trousers.
Her heart pounding against her ribs, Jyn waited for his next order.
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She felt ... humiliated, but moreso ... scared.
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"Come closer," he said. When she had: "Okay. Stop. Turn around. All the way. Slowly."
(But he was still kneeling. No body language whatever suggested he planned to stand. And he didn't.)
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She stepped closer, one slow footstep at a time. She stopped and turned around and felt his eyes on her as he observed it all.
Afraid to breathe or think or speak, all she could do was continue waiting, wishing he'd give her some clue as to what he was thinking, what he wanted from her.
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When she was facing him again, he minutely nodded. "Good. Almost done. Take down your hair, run your hands through it, and shake it out, upside-down."
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Maybe once she shook her hair out and he saw for himself that he was not being monitored, he would let her re-dress and - what?
Go?
Jyn took a deep breath before she did as she was told, taking her hair down, shaking it out around her face and shoulders, and then ducking her head so that she could do it once more, hopefully to his satisfaction.
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"Thank you," he said softly. He sat back on his heels, levered himself to his feet, and stepped back, putting space between himself and her pile of clothes. "Please dress."
Though he kept the blaster in his hand, he lowered it to no longer aim at her. He also started, best as he could one-handed, to roll his sleeves back down and refasten his collar. He couldn't put his jacket back on without putting down the blaster, so he slung it over his arm—hiding the blaster under it as he did.
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Jyn's expression almost matched Cassian's as she redressed as quickly as possible, not wanting to feel as exposed and as vulnerable as she had during this whole ... exercise.
What could she even offer in response? You're welcome sounded ridiculous in her own head. She couldn't even string together enough of a sentence to ask what was going on. He'd tell her. He wasn't going to leave her hanging.
She thought she knew him well enough to know that.
...
She didn't know him at all.
Obviously, he still didn't trust her if he didn't feel comfortable putting his weapon away. Silently, she pulled her jacket back on, leaving her hair down, watching him with sad, regretful eyes.
Whatever she had done ...
"What now?"
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He finished draping his coat over his blaster-hand and arm. "Let's go talk."
He hadn't ever checked the apartment for listening devices. If there was one, removing it would be out of character. And his staying in character while in presumed 'private' would be all the more convincing. But, now that he was satisfied Jyn wasn't wearing a wire either, that meant they weren't going to have this conversation in the apartment.
He didn't take the lead this time but walked beside her. Clearly, so he could direct their steps while not letting her behind him where she might attack him in turn (would be more than fair) or make a break for it.
He had a feeling she wouldn't. But when had he ever been able to let his feelings guide his life?
They left the grove and the gazebo and the garden behind and walked out into the main, open sweep of meadow. In the middle of the grass, Cassian stopped them, looking in all directions.
"Okay," he murmured. "Nothing in ear's reach for anyone to hide behind." He gave a (laughably, uncomfortably, sincerely) courteous gesture for Jyn to sit. Cassian did after her. They were close enough to each other to look, to any observer, like two lovers enjoying the sunlight. They were far enough from each other for no part of them to be touching.
Without further preamble, looking at her from under hooded eyes, Cassian said low-voiced, "Where did you hear that name?"
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Still, even after redressing, her sense of uneasiness did not begin to wane. It was hard to feel anything but knowing that a blaster was still being pointed in her direction underneath the jacked draped casually over Cassian's arm.
Even if she wanted to, there was no other choice she could have made but to accept.
Her neutal expression belied nothing, though, as they left the copse of trees and passed the gazebo and garden, both empty of anyone who might notice them or pay them any attention. With no witnesses, she had no idea what lied ahead for her. He could say talk all he wanted - Cassian was the one with the weapon, not her. For all intents and purposes, he was in charge of this situation.
He directed her to sit, and she complied, keeping still as he sat next to her, a slight distance between them. No, there was no one to overhear, but that was no reason to tempt fate just in case.
Jyn knew the question was coming, but it still took her breath away. There was no point in trying to lie, he already suspected her, he'd know if she tried to deceive him further. Truth it was.
"I followed you."
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She could only mean one thing. There was only one place he'd gone (a) without her and (b) where that name had been spoken.
Which meant she also knew…
For a protracted silence, Cassian just looked at her. Behind his steady eyes, gears whirred furiously.
It was simple, really. His cover was blown. He should evacuate immediately. Take Jyn with him again to the ship where Kay waited, already knowing she had no commlink, so that by the time she could walk back to reach any communications device to report him, they'd already have taken off and jumped to hyperspace.
(…Leave her a blaster to defend herself in case anyone tried to jump her out there again. …Dear Force, even now that she must be reclassified as an adversary, he couldn't think of her as an adversary…!)
But still he sat there, blaster invisibly drawn, gazing at her face, trying to read her. And then asking an unbelievably stupid question (because how would she not simply respond with what he wanted to hear and how could he verify either way) like: "Have you turned me in?"
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They were enemies.
He would never believe her.
Cassian just stared at her, and Jyn couldn't even begin to gauge what he might have been thinking. She was still breathing, although she didn't know how much longer that would be true. He was the one with a blaster trained on her, after all, and now he knew that she knew that he was a spy. It made sense that he would assume that she had turned him in, but as he asked the question, Jyn began to shake her head no, her expression pained, totally heartbroken. "No. No! If I had, you would have already been taken into custody."
Or worse.
"Could you stand down, please? I'm afraid that you're going to shoot me and that's not the way that I want to die", she asked, steady as she could manage, even though she could not hold her trembling at bay forever. "Please, Cassian."
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"Having just seen you fight," he said softly, "I knew I wouldn't be able to hold my own against you, hand-to-hand."
Admitting which was potentially a surrender. They were equally unarmed now.
He was going against every protocol he'd ever had.
His hands, now empty, rested on his knees. He turned one over palm-upward, toward her, silently asking for his jacket back.
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LMK if I should break this into multiple tags!! Wanna leave room for Jyn to react, but overeager…
Haha, no worries, it's more than fine :0D
Yay! Thank you; you indulge me so nicely >^•^<
And happily so!
/feels and sends much love ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
<3 <3 <3
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