Cassian, in turn, suddenly understood how people believed in the Force. He wouldn't be able to do this otherwise. Without being able to believe that there were ultimately no partings.
The feel of her tightening on him was bringing him back to readiness, too. His hand gently spread on her back, again; fingers and palm soaking in the feel of her skin.
"If we want to get up," he murmured, "we should probably do it now. Otherwise… might be another while."
Jyn, too, found herself wanting to believe in anything that could possibly mean always finding each other - even in the after.
At the touch of his hand, she sighed, her eyes slowly closing as she enjoyed the warmth of his palm, the comfort of the contact, and now that the adrenaline had faded away, the simple pleasure of just lying together, taking solace in one another.
She breathed a softly amused little breath, her voice equally as quiet and fond. "Don't think I have anywhere to be just yet ... "
If they could feel like this more often - young and without worry, happy and (oh, Force) in love, Jyn wouldn't want to get out of bed unless it was absolutely necessary.
She easily accepted the kiss, returning it with vigor, mumbling something unintelligible as she gripped his arm a little tighter, too, wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible for as long as possible.
His breath was laughing as he pulled back just enough to murmur, re: her mumble, "What?" —without moving their chests apart or his lips getting too far away from hers.
Her cheeks flushed pink, her lips kiss-swollen but smiling, Jyn reached up to trace along his cheekbone with her thumb, she murmured, "I love you, that's all. And I never - I never thought I'd have the chance to tell you or show you."
His eyes were tear-bright meeting hers. He tilted his face a little into her touch, then moved back in for another kiss.
"Me, too," he murmured in a break for breath. "I think… since I met you." He hadn't been able to realize it then; he'd been Alliance, she an asset. And what had grown between them, what they'd given each other, had been beyond romance or sexuality. But he'd never chosen anyone or anything above the mission in his life. From the beginning, he'd chosen her. Every time.
Jyn would have tenderly wiped them away, but she was sidetracked as he leaned close and kissed her once again, easily getting lost in it and returning it and imbuing it with all the need she held.
"That long?", she quietly asked, even though the seeds had been planted then for her, as well. She hadn't trusted - not at first - but as they navigated Jedha and Eadu, even Scarif, those seeds had blossomed, even if she hadn't recognized what was growing. "I didn't know."
He had come back for her, time and time again, when she was far more used to being left behind. She should have known then, that he was doing it for a reason, that he cared more than she had ever hoped for.
"Neither did I. I didn't think I could afford to." His body, hardened again, moved slightly upon her. But his greater focus was on her face, which he held and kissed in many places. "I'm done living like that, now. I wouldn't go back if I could."
"Me neither", Jyn admitted, her breath catching in her throat as he moved, just enough to send a shiver racing up and down the length of her spine. "Love was weakness, and I couldn't afford to be weak, not if I wanted to live."
He kissed her over and over and over again, and she rocked her hips against him, testing the friction. "How do you want to live now?"
Her hips, pelvis, the cradle of her, stole his breath and thudded his heart; he slowly, gently met her every rise with a push of his own, feeling the blessed nectared sheathing again.
"With you," he answered at once, through trying to breathe. "Whatever else we do, I want it to be with you."
Jyn almost couldn't believe that so soon, they were both ready again, both wanting and needy. But as Cassian moved, too, and met every motion of her body, it was clear that the fire in her belly was beginning to crackle more, to grow and spread.
"I want it to be with you, too", she breathed, nodding gently. "I want everything with you."
He closed his eyes with the pleasure, of sensation and of her words. "Ah… Jyn…" Not trying to tell her anything; it was just the only word in existence that did justice to the feeling in his chest and below… And he braced himself again, around her torso, between her legs, to be better positioned, to roll with her, inside her, slow and gentle and deep.
It would probably be best to speak more when they weren't otherwise ... distracted. So in response, Jyn uttered an almost breathless groan as they moved, finding the best rhythm, simultaneously shifting and getting closer - almost impossibly so, tangled up in the best ways possible. "Yes ... "
Yes… He found her lips again and made love to them with his. His hands carded through her hair. His hips humped gently between hers. He didn't know if he'd be able to come again, so soon, and didn't care. This was ambrosia and moonlight—no: stardust—and the feel of her gripping, sliding around him, the rest of her warm and strong and breathing beneath him… He thought fleetingly of their conversation; if she wanted to try something new, he'd instantly go along, but right now he couldn't imagine doing anything else—with the rest of his life. But to rest in this valley she gave him and make love to her there for as long as she invited.
It felt amazing to lose herself in the kisses, the touch of his hands, the feel of his body moving in time with hers. And Jyn hardly cared whether or not she reached her peak again - this was more than enough, being close, being connected, sharing pleasure.
Yes, she did want to experiment - but not now, not yet, next time, and the time after that, and after that and after that.
This was perfect as is, and oh, she wanted more moments just like this, she wanted all the more time to themselves to revel in each other, she wanted an entire lifetime of just this.
He could barely breathe enough to say, "You too…" Before kissing her like he was coming up from underwater and she was how he needed to breathe. Arcing his body with and into hers, feeling her in his spine and stomach and lungs… needing this, her, Jyn… and wanting, whether he could go along with her or not—as his mouth moved to her neck and his hand to her breast—to make her moan and arch and come harder than before.
How was it possible that her desire hadn't waned - that every kiss and touch and especially the way he pushed into her, filled her after almost pulling out all the way drew Jyn further and further into it? Did the wanting ever stop? Would the need ever not feel quite so desperate?
Jyn sighed heavily, shivering, as Cassian kissed along the sensitive column of her throat, his hand cupping her, squeezing her and she thought -
Oh, yes, yes, I could come again. I'm going to ... I want to ... - don't stop, don't stop, please just don't stop -
Thank the Force, because he didn't want to stop either.
She held him so perfectly, he couldn't believe it… It felt like… maybe they'd died on Scarif after all, broken down to molecules and those molecules sifting together, filling one another's gaps, so they could only be complete and natural from now on as one… like his whole life, the violence and loneliness had been the struggle, and now he could just exist, at peace, with her…
She's not here for you… she's not yours… …But she was allowing him, welcoming him; and every time she shivered, he took note and expanded on whatever he'd been doing to help her there, grateful he wasn't about to just dissolve again because he wanted this to go on, and on… his cock inside her stroking and pressing her as much as he could control, and (with her permission and his trust in her not to allow anything she didn't want, without which he'd never been so free) quite a bit that he couldn't, chasing the ecstasy of her gripping him, pulling and rippling upon him, making him gasp and moan even as he tried to do the same for her.
He breathed her name again, and again, into her skin, caressing her with breath and lips and tongue and all of him, feeling the electricity—maybe the Force—between them rise.
Call her greedy, but Jyn wanted so much with Cassian that she hardly knew where to begin. And it felt so good - so right - in his embrace that she never wanted to leave it.
She didn't know how two people as broken as they were could fit together so perfectly, but somehow, the edges of their cracked and missing pieces seemed to slot together just right. Maybe, somehow, they now carried little pieces of each other and always would. Maybe they would always be better together than apart. Maybe, however impossible the thought, this had all been meant to be.
How Cassian was so observant, even in this, Jyn would never know, but she was grateful for his dedication in paying attention to her, to the way she reacted to him, and worked all the harder to bring her pleasure. All she could hope for was that he was finding the same satisfaction - and trust that he would tell her if he wasn't, so they could experiment and find a way to please them both.
They moved in time, always perfectly in sync, and all Jyn could do was cry out for him, so overcome by the emotion of it all, the knowledge of what they had - what they were only just barely setting in.
His name on her tongue… was it the first time he'd ever welcomed the sound of his own name? —on the rare occasion it even was his real name? Yes, definitely. Usually, he had to imagine himself away. He didn't now. For all he found greatest comfort and enjoyment in attending to her rather than himself, it was still him, here, with her, and she made that okay. It was okay that he was… himself. How had she done that, even before she'd meant to, time after time? transmuting his whole existence by needing him, letting him walk beside her on roads he'd always wanted to follow himself but, just for himself, never could…
I love you coursed through his head in a dozen languages, a few possibly coming out in gasps, before he had to kiss her again… solder them together even more, closer, yes— as he swelled and stroked and throbbed in her, needing so badly to bring her over the edge, and starting to feel like he might be able to follow her there, again, after all…
For all her faults and flaws, for all the assumed names and backstories, for all the lying, cheating, stealing and other unsavory things she had had to do in order to survive, Cassian accepted her.
Not only did he accept her despite those things, he loved her. Jyn almost couldn't believe that this wasn't just another figment of her imagination, that she would wake up alone again, and she would find herself where she had been before, pining, wanting, suffering in her silence. And she didn't want to go back to that, not now that she knew such glorious happiness to find out that he felt exactly the same.
And all she could do was hold onto him a little tighter, move in time with the rhythm of his body, return the kiss and hope that in it, he could feel everything she felt for him, how much she wanted and needed him, that if he wanted, they could be a home for each other. Because home didn't have to be a place, it could be a person instead, and Jyn truly believed that she had found a place with Cassian.
She gasped and moaned against his lips, her body pulsed and squeezed as she neared that edge again, where she would hopefully pull him with her. He was her partner in all things, after all, even this.
His name in her voice went straight through him like a volt. He arched back with a moan, pushing deepest inside her, pulsing to the point of pain, digging harder than he'd meant to but couldn't hold back… He ducked again in to her, her face, her throat, wrapping his arms around her tiny Force-singing frame; pressing them together, her heart to his heart, their breaths fighting together… feeling every silkenslick fiber of her around him, sheathing and rubbing and pulling him, and Force he hoped he was giving her back anything of what she was giving to him then… and… there and… oh pfassk…
His hand caressed up her shoulders, the back of her neck, to twine his fingers under her hair, cradling the back of her head, supporting her from behind as he kissed her in front; and lower, similarly, his hand moved down her spine, to the small of her back, and lower still, caressing and cupping below as he worked in her above… equal and opposite propulsion, making her the fulcrum of labor… and it swept through him, again, the breathless incredulity that this was happening, it was them, together… his stomach muscles contracted, digging him in deep, and he groaned against her skin, panting for breath, every point of contact between them electric and (he hoped) loving.
Yes… Jyn… "Go on," he gasped, hardly knowing he'd spoken, before his lips found hers.
Jyn cried out sharply arched back and pushed further than he'd been before, and suddenly, unexpectedly, she saw stars, shuddering as he touched parts of her she hadn't previously know about, parts that sent a white-hot heat coursing through her. And thank the stars that he had enough presence of mind to hold her close, to hold her steady even as he pressed his forehead to hers, and then against her throat, where she was sure her pulse was nearly beating out of her skin. Heart to heart, face to face, their bodies moved in time, and she had never felt anything so ... all-encompassing.
And that was before he touched her again, explored her skin, anchoring her back to the moment - to him - touched her and kissed her and found a way to help her move all the more firmly against him, and as she cried out for him, because it all felt like too much, Jyn knew that she would never want this - any of it - with anyone else.
"Not without you", she moaned, her voice and the words muffled by the heated kiss.
Well, then. He'd always follow her lead. And he was hardly about to resist that one…
He didn't think he'd be able to… but Jyn's voice, her words, her body, her everything, —and he shuddered and gasped… no, actually cried out this time, more expressive than he'd ever been even when putting on a show; and this was definitely not a show. This was so real… He wasn't sure he'd ever felt reality in its wholeness before. But this was it. This was everything. They were luminous beings birthing the universe between them.
And into their labor, he came again, pulling her so tight against him he nearly made them sit upright; but not feeling the mattress, not feeling gravity, just their bodies together in space and time, transmuted and transcendent. He came in her and only his desire to see and feel and hear her come too kept him from losing all sense entirely. Oh skies, oh my love
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The feel of her tightening on him was bringing him back to readiness, too. His hand gently spread on her back, again; fingers and palm soaking in the feel of her skin.
"If we want to get up," he murmured, "we should probably do it now. Otherwise… might be another while."
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At the touch of his hand, she sighed, her eyes slowly closing as she enjoyed the warmth of his palm, the comfort of the contact, and now that the adrenaline had faded away, the simple pleasure of just lying together, taking solace in one another.
She breathed a softly amused little breath, her voice equally as quiet and fond. "Don't think I have anywhere to be just yet ... "
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She easily accepted the kiss, returning it with vigor, mumbling something unintelligible as she gripped his arm a little tighter, too, wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible for as long as possible.
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"Me, too," he murmured in a break for breath. "I think… since I met you." He hadn't been able to realize it then; he'd been Alliance, she an asset. And what had grown between them, what they'd given each other, had been beyond romance or sexuality. But he'd never chosen anyone or anything above the mission in his life. From the beginning, he'd chosen her. Every time.
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"That long?", she quietly asked, even though the seeds had been planted then for her, as well. She hadn't trusted - not at first - but as they navigated Jedha and Eadu, even Scarif, those seeds had blossomed, even if she hadn't recognized what was growing. "I didn't know."
He had come back for her, time and time again, when she was far more used to being left behind. She should have known then, that he was doing it for a reason, that he cared more than she had ever hoped for.
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He kissed her over and over and over again, and she rocked her hips against him, testing the friction. "How do you want to live now?"
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"With you," he answered at once, through trying to breathe. "Whatever else we do, I want it to be with you."
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"I want it to be with you, too", she breathed, nodding gently. "I want everything with you."
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Yes, she did want to experiment - but not now, not yet, next time, and the time after that, and after that and after that.
This was perfect as is, and oh, she wanted more moments just like this, she wanted all the more time to themselves to revel in each other, she wanted an entire lifetime of just this.
"You feel so good - "
We fit.
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He could barely breathe enough to say, "You too…" Before kissing her like he was coming up from underwater and she was how he needed to breathe. Arcing his body with and into hers, feeling her in his spine and stomach and lungs… needing this, her, Jyn… and wanting, whether he could go along with her or not—as his mouth moved to her neck and his hand to her breast—to make her moan and arch and come harder than before.
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Jyn sighed heavily, shivering, as Cassian kissed along the sensitive column of her throat, his hand cupping her, squeezing her and she thought -
Oh, yes, yes, I could come again. I'm going to ... I want to ... - don't stop, don't stop, please just don't stop -
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She held him so perfectly, he couldn't believe it… It felt like… maybe they'd died on Scarif after all, broken down to molecules and those molecules sifting together, filling one another's gaps, so they could only be complete and natural from now on as one… like his whole life, the violence and loneliness had been the struggle, and now he could just exist, at peace, with her…
She's not here for you… she's not yours… …But she was allowing him, welcoming him; and every time she shivered, he took note and expanded on whatever he'd been doing to help her there, grateful he wasn't about to just dissolve again because he wanted this to go on, and on… his cock inside her stroking and pressing her as much as he could control, and (with her permission and his trust in her not to allow anything she didn't want, without which he'd never been so free) quite a bit that he couldn't, chasing the ecstasy of her gripping him, pulling and rippling upon him, making him gasp and moan even as he tried to do the same for her.
He breathed her name again, and again, into her skin, caressing her with breath and lips and tongue and all of him, feeling the electricity—maybe the Force—between them rise.
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She didn't know how two people as broken as they were could fit together so perfectly, but somehow, the edges of their cracked and missing pieces seemed to slot together just right. Maybe, somehow, they now carried little pieces of each other and always would. Maybe they would always be better together than apart. Maybe, however impossible the thought, this had all been meant to be.
How Cassian was so observant, even in this, Jyn would never know, but she was grateful for his dedication in paying attention to her, to the way she reacted to him, and worked all the harder to bring her pleasure. All she could hope for was that he was finding the same satisfaction - and trust that he would tell her if he wasn't, so they could experiment and find a way to please them both.
They moved in time, always perfectly in sync, and all Jyn could do was cry out for him, so overcome by the emotion of it all, the knowledge of what they had - what they were only just barely setting in.
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His name on her tongue… was it the first time he'd ever welcomed the sound of his own name? —on the rare occasion it even was his real name? Yes, definitely. Usually, he had to imagine himself away. He didn't now. For all he found greatest comfort and enjoyment in attending to her rather than himself, it was still him, here, with her, and she made that okay. It was okay that he was… himself. How had she done that, even before she'd meant to, time after time? transmuting his whole existence by needing him, letting him walk beside her on roads he'd always wanted to follow himself but, just for himself, never could…
I love you coursed through his head in a dozen languages, a few possibly coming out in gasps, before he had to kiss her again… solder them together even more, closer, yes— as he swelled and stroked and throbbed in her, needing so badly to bring her over the edge, and starting to feel like he might be able to follow her there, again, after all…
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Not only did he accept her despite those things, he loved her. Jyn almost couldn't believe that this wasn't just another figment of her imagination, that she would wake up alone again, and she would find herself where she had been before, pining, wanting, suffering in her silence. And she didn't want to go back to that, not now that she knew such glorious happiness to find out that he felt exactly the same.
And all she could do was hold onto him a little tighter, move in time with the rhythm of his body, return the kiss and hope that in it, he could feel everything she felt for him, how much she wanted and needed him, that if he wanted, they could be a home for each other. Because home didn't have to be a place, it could be a person instead, and Jyn truly believed that she had found a place with Cassian.
She gasped and moaned against his lips, her body pulsed and squeezed as she neared that edge again, where she would hopefully pull him with her. He was her partner in all things, after all, even this.
"Cassian, Cassian, yes - "
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His hand caressed up her shoulders, the back of her neck, to twine his fingers under her hair, cradling the back of her head, supporting her from behind as he kissed her in front; and lower, similarly, his hand moved down her spine, to the small of her back, and lower still, caressing and cupping below as he worked in her above… equal and opposite propulsion, making her the fulcrum of labor… and it swept through him, again, the breathless incredulity that this was happening, it was them, together… his stomach muscles contracted, digging him in deep, and he groaned against her skin, panting for breath, every point of contact between them electric and (he hoped) loving.
Yes… Jyn… "Go on," he gasped, hardly knowing he'd spoken, before his lips found hers.
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And that was before he touched her again, explored her skin, anchoring her back to the moment - to him - touched her and kissed her and found a way to help her move all the more firmly against him, and as she cried out for him, because it all felt like too much, Jyn knew that she would never want this - any of it - with anyone else.
"Not without you", she moaned, her voice and the words muffled by the heated kiss.
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He didn't think he'd be able to… but Jyn's voice, her words, her body, her everything, —and he shuddered and gasped… no, actually cried out this time, more expressive than he'd ever been even when putting on a show; and this was definitely not a show. This was so real… He wasn't sure he'd ever felt reality in its wholeness before. But this was it. This was everything. They were luminous beings birthing the universe between them.
And into their labor, he came again, pulling her so tight against him he nearly made them sit upright; but not feeling the mattress, not feeling gravity, just their bodies together in space and time, transmuted and transcendent. He came in her and only his desire to see and feel and hear her come too kept him from losing all sense entirely. Oh skies, oh my love
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