It was impossible to keep from reaching out and tracing the outline of Cassian's smile with a trembling fingertip. It was perhaps the loveliest thing Jyn had ever had the pleasure of experiencing.
And to know that she, somehow, was the cause of it ... her heart swelled with affection, adoration ... more.
She huffed out a soft breath, the sound shifting and changing, morphing into a surprised moan once he began moving, because this, oh, this must be what all those holos had been about.
He kissed her finger when it came near enough, reflexively throwing the focus back on her rather than himself. But he wouldn't fight or resist her or play games—if she insisted on focusing on him, he'd just deal with it.
But he would focus entirely on her… and for the first time, he was glad of his raven training, not to manipulate or trick a partner, but to make outcome match intent and desire; make it as good as he could for her with less error and uncertainty. Although no amount of technique took the place of true familiarity; he was intent on her not just to give sensation but to learn.
And oh that moan was enthralling to hear… He wanted to make her make more of those.
He began a kissing exploration of her throat and chest, attentive to what affected her the most; as below he set a gentle rhythm of waves, crest and trough, always upward, moving himself along her frontal wall.
Thinking so technically was also to keep himself from finishing too quickly, because Force she felt amazing… she was amazing… Jyn Erso, little galaxy of wiretaut strings… Cassian didn't need Chirrut's Force sensitivity to know exactly why he'd said She shines…
It was that sweet little gesture that took Jyn's breath away completely - not that she had much to give. She had never imagined that such a small sign of affection could make her feel so much, but her heart had never felt so full, she had only ever felt so hopeful once before -
Because of Cassian.
She might not have known much about the art of intimacy or the acts of sex and love, but in the moment, she was certain that she wanted to learn. She wanted to worship Cassian in the same ways he was worshiping her. She wanted to take pleasure in bringing him pleasure, and she wanted to luxuriate in all the sounds and shivers she could coax from him.
She wanted so much - and she wanted it with him.
Instinctually, Jyn tilted her chin up, allowing Cassian all the access he could ever need in order to continue plying her with kisses, her pulse pounding in her ears and in her throat as he moved, slow and steady, and she followed the demands of her body, moving in time, like a dance, like a fight, and she knew that she had found her partner, her person in Cassian.
Her headtilt up, giving him her throat—an act of willing vulnerability as well as confirmation—made his heart (and other parts) pulse even harder. And he devoted himself to her pulse, there; flexing tendons, breaths, swallows, stray drifting hair… he'd always had to be detail-oriented, but he'd never felt so captivated, so fascinated, so…
She was moving with him… so in sync, as every time they'd circled each other, run and fought and taken hands… a movement of her muscles had him toss his head back for air, and to let a tremble run through him, his own pulse visible in his throat.
Jyn trusted Cassian. Despite her initial wariness, she had learned to trust him - that he wasn't going to hurt her, that he had her back, that he would be there, and now -
Now, she was trusting him with the most delicate piece of herself - her heart - which she had steadfastly and fiercely kept guarded from more loss, more heartache, more pain.
It was his name that she gasped as she watched him give in and let go a little, letting his head fall back as he searched for air, her fingers clutching at his shoulders a little tighter as he trembled much the same as she did as he moved with her - within her and made her see stars.
"Cassian - !", she gasped, her heart pounding in her chest, thundering in her ears.
A quick look to confirm that she wasn't calling his name to make him stop… it didn't sound like it but he wanted too badly to trust his own interpretations…
So don't interpret. Just trust her
…and his hand was shaking as it touched her face once more and he found the voice somehow to breathe back: "My Jyn…"
Oh Force… It felt like so much more of him was inside her… being warmed and gripped and released and… his whole lower half heated and liquefied and orgastic… he scooped deeper in with her, simultaneously desperate for relief and wanting this to go on forever… Force there… yes… her around him, upon him, beneath and through and with…
His hands found her back and he clasped her against him, his face buried in her hair, the dance of their lower bodies speeding, and the last of his composure dissolving with a groan… I need… I… unh… yes, Jyn…
There would have been no question whatsoever if Jyn had wanted to stop. She didn't want it to stop, though, she wanted it to last forever, she wanted to get lost in sensations she hadn't known were possible.
She had enough presence of mind to turn her head just enough so that she could kiss at the rough pads of his fingers, her heart pounding all the harder to hear Cassian call her his -
Because she was. Oh, she was, everything she was, body and soul, her heart, the good and bad and in-betweens, she was and had been and wanted to be for as long as she could manage, and she had never wanted anything like this before, but with Cassian, she wanted ... a future. And while she could hardly guarantee that they would be granted one, she would take whatever she could get.
Cassian gathered her all the closer, and she held on tight, the swirl of emotion and sensation all too much to handle. But he was there, he was her anchor and she trusted that he'd catch her when she fell.
Unconsciously, her fingers dug into his shoulders for purchase, unable to speak, her breathless moans coming too quickly and fiercely to allow for it. But she moved in time with him, wanting to experience Cassian as he fell, wantig to help him through it all.
I'm going to - , she thought, and then her world went black.
Her muscles gripped him and he came hard, jolting and spasming and dissolving and letting out a moan… she was gold and moonlight and he pulsed out into her and nearly blacked out.
The only thing that kept him together was not wanting to miss a moment of this. And wanting to make sure she was there with him.
(And ready to bring her there otherways if not.)
Panting for breath, throbbing and overwhelmed but not moving to disconnect from her for an instant, he put his face gently against hers, one hand smoothing back her hair. "You okay?"
As if Jyn wasn't already overwhelmed by the enormity of it all - what they were doing, what they felt for each other, what this all meant for their present, their future ...
Her vision returned just in time for her to watch as Cassian tumbled from his edge, and seeing him so unguarded, so free, and she knew that she had never seen a lovelier sight - that she wanted to see it all the more often, that she wanted this, and him, for as long as she was able to have it.
So, she clutched at him a little tighter, and held him a little closer as she rode out each and every burst of fireworks as they exploded along the length of her spine and engulfed her body completely.
For a long moment, Jyn couldn't answer, her chest heaving erratically as she fought for breath, but she could enjoy the close proximity, how Cassian hadn't pulled out and left her bereft yet, that he was still there, still checking on her, still making sure that all was well.
For a long moment, Jyn tried to reassure herself that she wasn't going to cry, but the rawness of her throat and the hot tears prickling behind her eyelids were impossible to ignore. With a short nod of acknowledgement, her voice low and hoarse when she murmured 'yeah' in response.
His hand moved around to her cheek, his thumb gently touching below her eye, seeing the brightness of tears. He regarded her carefully for a moment. Then, slowly, lowered his face to hers for a long, intensely gentle kiss.
She wasn't hurt - just overwhelmed. All the moreso as Cassian inspected her, gentle as his thumb brushed just underneath her eye, where she knew he must have seen the tears that she couldn't quite keep at bay.
But he didn't say anything - didn't repeat his query, choosing to kiss her (soothe her) instead. She sighed quietly as she returned the kiss, hoping that in it, he knew what she was trying to say.
He thought he understood. Even when at last he drew back for breath, his hand remained cupping her cheek, his finger tracing on her skin. He gave her a somewhat searching, somewhat nervous, entirely hopeful smile, before his arms shivered too much with exhaustion and he lowered himself for his head to rest beside hers, turned to her, pressing another kiss to her cheek.
"I've never done that," he murmured without entirely meaning to, "with someone I loved, before."
Jyn didn't care that a tear had slipped from her eye and trailed down her cheek, leaving a shining trail behind. When Cassian pulled away and shared that smile - searching and nervous and hopeful, she offered her own in return, a smile that was hesitant and shy, but infinitely hopeful, as well.
She welcomed Cassian as he gave in to his exhaustion, quiet as gentle fingers danced along the length of his arm.
Did he realize what he'd said? Or had the words just slipped through?
Should she acknowledge or act as though she hadn't heard at all?
And she couldn't ignore the implications of the statement either, could she? That the times he'd done this before had been for the cause, or ...
"What about now?", she began, her voice soft, questioning.
He let out a deep, slow breath, and for a little while just let himself sink into the pillows and her. Listening to and feeling their hearts beat, matching his breathing to hers.
At last, with a trace of humor, but also sincere: "How about you? Any notes?"
For once, the silence wasn't uncomfortable, didn't feel like it was going to swallow Jyn whole. She wasn't alone, after all, and just being with Cassian, resting at his side, falling into sync with each other - in this as well as all things - made her feel content enough.
She hummed softly, but turned just enough to be able to meet his eyes, her green shining with amusement. "I've got little to compare it to. But I think I'd like it - ", here, she paused, her cheeks flushing soft pink, "if you used your mouth again? What about you? What can I do better next time?"
Because there would be a next time, and after that, and again ...
A slight twitch of his body still in hers gave a hint how he felt about that suggestion. He didn't leave it at that, though. He also smiled, loving her blush as much as the words causing it; "I like that, too."
Next time. Part of him had still feared… nothing rational when he remembered who she was and what they'd already said. Some things were hard to shake, though. He wasn't used to people sticking around either, definitely wasn't used to planning or counting on a future… but Jyn wasn't people… he trusted her, he believed her. It was just good now and then to get the reminders to shake off all the irrelevant experiences and expectations. Because he'd never expected to share something like this with anyone. And now not just anyone, but her.
"Not 'better'," he murmured back, because it had already been… like nothing else in his life. "That was…" Beautiful. Peace and euphoria. "…something I'd like more of, as is. But we can experiment, with adding more. See if you liked being on top maybe." The thought of being able to watch her riding him caused another stir.
Jyn felt that twitch and shivered accordingly. Well - that was as good a sign as any that Cassian was as interested in the suggestion as Jyn was. He smiled, and the warmth pooled in the pit of her belly slowly began spreading outward.
If only she were lucky enough to see that smile all the more often - have these moments in the midst of everything. Now that she knew how Cassian felt - that her feelings were reciprocated, she never wanted to give it up, not for anything, not without a hell of a fight first.
Even though she had lost everyone she had ever loved before, even though she was scared that she would lose Cassian too - had almost lost before, she still wanted to believe that they had a chance. She had never felt like this before, and never wanted to feel like this for anyone ever again.
Wasn't this worth fighting for?
She had never felt anything quite like what she felt being with Cassian, never trusted anyone like she trusted him, never wanted to consider anything other than getting from one day to the next, but now ...
If the way that she suddenly pulsed around him was any indication, Jyn was very interested in his suggestion. "I ... am not averse to that."
Cassian, in turn, suddenly understood how people believed in the Force. He wouldn't be able to do this otherwise. Without being able to believe that there were ultimately no partings.
The feel of her tightening on him was bringing him back to readiness, too. His hand gently spread on her back, again; fingers and palm soaking in the feel of her skin.
"If we want to get up," he murmured, "we should probably do it now. Otherwise… might be another while."
Jyn, too, found herself wanting to believe in anything that could possibly mean always finding each other - even in the after.
At the touch of his hand, she sighed, her eyes slowly closing as she enjoyed the warmth of his palm, the comfort of the contact, and now that the adrenaline had faded away, the simple pleasure of just lying together, taking solace in one another.
She breathed a softly amused little breath, her voice equally as quiet and fond. "Don't think I have anywhere to be just yet ... "
If they could feel like this more often - young and without worry, happy and (oh, Force) in love, Jyn wouldn't want to get out of bed unless it was absolutely necessary.
She easily accepted the kiss, returning it with vigor, mumbling something unintelligible as she gripped his arm a little tighter, too, wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible for as long as possible.
His breath was laughing as he pulled back just enough to murmur, re: her mumble, "What?" —without moving their chests apart or his lips getting too far away from hers.
Her cheeks flushed pink, her lips kiss-swollen but smiling, Jyn reached up to trace along his cheekbone with her thumb, she murmured, "I love you, that's all. And I never - I never thought I'd have the chance to tell you or show you."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And to know that she, somehow, was the cause of it ... her heart swelled with affection, adoration ... more.
She huffed out a soft breath, the sound shifting and changing, morphing into a surprised moan once he began moving, because this, oh, this must be what all those holos had been about.
no subject
But he would focus entirely on her… and for the first time, he was glad of his raven training, not to manipulate or trick a partner, but to make outcome match intent and desire; make it as good as he could for her with less error and uncertainty. Although no amount of technique took the place of true familiarity; he was intent on her not just to give sensation but to learn.
And oh that moan was enthralling to hear… He wanted to make her make more of those.
He began a kissing exploration of her throat and chest, attentive to what affected her the most; as below he set a gentle rhythm of waves, crest and trough, always upward, moving himself along her frontal wall.
Thinking so technically was also to keep himself from finishing too quickly, because Force she felt amazing… she was amazing… Jyn Erso, little galaxy of wiretaut strings… Cassian didn't need Chirrut's Force sensitivity to know exactly why he'd said She shines…
no subject
Because of Cassian.
She might not have known much about the art of intimacy or the acts of sex and love, but in the moment, she was certain that she wanted to learn. She wanted to worship Cassian in the same ways he was worshiping her. She wanted to take pleasure in bringing him pleasure, and she wanted to luxuriate in all the sounds and shivers she could coax from him.
She wanted so much - and she wanted it with him.
Instinctually, Jyn tilted her chin up, allowing Cassian all the access he could ever need in order to continue plying her with kisses, her pulse pounding in her ears and in her throat as he moved, slow and steady, and she followed the demands of her body, moving in time, like a dance, like a fight, and she knew that she had found her partner, her person in Cassian.
Welcome home, welcome home, welcome home.
no subject
She was moving with him… so in sync, as every time they'd circled each other, run and fought and taken hands… a movement of her muscles had him toss his head back for air, and to let a tremble run through him, his own pulse visible in his throat.
yes I'm yours
no subject
Now, she was trusting him with the most delicate piece of herself - her heart - which she had steadfastly and fiercely kept guarded from more loss, more heartache, more pain.
It was his name that she gasped as she watched him give in and let go a little, letting his head fall back as he searched for air, her fingers clutching at his shoulders a little tighter as he trembled much the same as she did as he moved with her - within her and made her see stars.
"Cassian - !", she gasped, her heart pounding in her chest, thundering in her ears.
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou...
no subject
So don't interpret. Just trust her
…and his hand was shaking as it touched her face once more and he found the voice somehow to breathe back: "My Jyn…"
Oh Force… It felt like so much more of him was inside her… being warmed and gripped and released and… his whole lower half heated and liquefied and orgastic… he scooped deeper in with her, simultaneously desperate for relief and wanting this to go on forever… Force there… yes… her around him, upon him, beneath and through and with…
His hands found her back and he clasped her against him, his face buried in her hair, the dance of their lower bodies speeding, and the last of his composure dissolving with a groan… I need… I… unh… yes, Jyn…
no subject
She had enough presence of mind to turn her head just enough so that she could kiss at the rough pads of his fingers, her heart pounding all the harder to hear Cassian call her his -
Because she was. Oh, she was, everything she was, body and soul, her heart, the good and bad and in-betweens, she was and had been and wanted to be for as long as she could manage, and she had never wanted anything like this before, but with Cassian, she wanted ... a future. And while she could hardly guarantee that they would be granted one, she would take whatever she could get.
Cassian gathered her all the closer, and she held on tight, the swirl of emotion and sensation all too much to handle. But he was there, he was her anchor and she trusted that he'd catch her when she fell.
Unconsciously, her fingers dug into his shoulders for purchase, unable to speak, her breathless moans coming too quickly and fiercely to allow for it. But she moved in time with him, wanting to experience Cassian as he fell, wantig to help him through it all.
I'm going to - , she thought, and then her world went black.
no subject
Her muscles gripped him and he came hard, jolting and spasming and dissolving and letting out a moan… she was gold and moonlight and he pulsed out into her and nearly blacked out.
The only thing that kept him together was not wanting to miss a moment of this. And wanting to make sure she was there with him.
(And ready to bring her there otherways if not.)
Panting for breath, throbbing and overwhelmed but not moving to disconnect from her for an instant, he put his face gently against hers, one hand smoothing back her hair. "You okay?"
no subject
Her vision returned just in time for her to watch as Cassian tumbled from his edge, and seeing him so unguarded, so free, and she knew that she had never seen a lovelier sight - that she wanted to see it all the more often, that she wanted this, and him, for as long as she was able to have it.
So, she clutched at him a little tighter, and held him a little closer as she rode out each and every burst of fireworks as they exploded along the length of her spine and engulfed her body completely.
For a long moment, Jyn couldn't answer, her chest heaving erratically as she fought for breath, but she could enjoy the close proximity, how Cassian hadn't pulled out and left her bereft yet, that he was still there, still checking on her, still making sure that all was well.
For a long moment, Jyn tried to reassure herself that she wasn't going to cry, but the rawness of her throat and the hot tears prickling behind her eyelids were impossible to ignore. With a short nod of acknowledgement, her voice low and hoarse when she murmured 'yeah' in response.
no subject
no subject
But he didn't say anything - didn't repeat his query, choosing to kiss her (soothe her) instead. She sighed quietly as she returned the kiss, hoping that in it, he knew what she was trying to say.
yes, i am okay
i'm glad it was you
i am yours
please dont leave
iloveyou
no subject
"I've never done that," he murmured without entirely meaning to, "with someone I loved, before."
no subject
She welcomed Cassian as he gave in to his exhaustion, quiet as gentle fingers danced along the length of his arm.
Did he realize what he'd said? Or had the words just slipped through?
Should she acknowledge or act as though she hadn't heard at all?
And she couldn't ignore the implications of the statement either, could she? That the times he'd done this before had been for the cause, or ...
"What about now?", she began, her voice soft, questioning.
no subject
"Now… I feel like I finally understand it." Another press of his lips to her cheek, her hair, before murmuring, "I love you, Jyn."
no subject
One heartbeat, another, one more -
And then she breathed out a shaky breath as she resumed tracing reassuring, random patterns into Cassian's skin.
"I love you, too."
no subject
At last, with a trace of humor, but also sincere: "How about you? Any notes?"
no subject
She hummed softly, but turned just enough to be able to meet his eyes, her green shining with amusement. "I've got little to compare it to. But I think I'd like it - ", here, she paused, her cheeks flushing soft pink, "if you used your mouth again? What about you? What can I do better next time?"
Because there would be a next time, and after that, and again ...
She hoped.
no subject
Next time. Part of him had still feared… nothing rational when he remembered who she was and what they'd already said. Some things were hard to shake, though. He wasn't used to people sticking around either, definitely wasn't used to planning or counting on a future… but Jyn wasn't people… he trusted her, he believed her. It was just good now and then to get the reminders to shake off all the irrelevant experiences and expectations. Because he'd never expected to share something like this with anyone. And now not just anyone, but her.
"Not 'better'," he murmured back, because it had already been… like nothing else in his life. "That was…" Beautiful. Peace and euphoria. "…something I'd like more of, as is. But we can experiment, with adding more. See if you liked being on top maybe." The thought of being able to watch her riding him caused another stir.
no subject
If only she were lucky enough to see that smile all the more often - have these moments in the midst of everything. Now that she knew how Cassian felt - that her feelings were reciprocated, she never wanted to give it up, not for anything, not without a hell of a fight first.
Even though she had lost everyone she had ever loved before, even though she was scared that she would lose Cassian too - had almost lost before, she still wanted to believe that they had a chance. She had never felt like this before, and never wanted to feel like this for anyone ever again.
Wasn't this worth fighting for?
She had never felt anything quite like what she felt being with Cassian, never trusted anyone like she trusted him, never wanted to consider anything other than getting from one day to the next, but now ...
If the way that she suddenly pulsed around him was any indication, Jyn was very interested in his suggestion. "I ... am not averse to that."
Soon?
no subject
The feel of her tightening on him was bringing him back to readiness, too. His hand gently spread on her back, again; fingers and palm soaking in the feel of her skin.
"If we want to get up," he murmured, "we should probably do it now. Otherwise… might be another while."
no subject
At the touch of his hand, she sighed, her eyes slowly closing as she enjoyed the warmth of his palm, the comfort of the contact, and now that the adrenaline had faded away, the simple pleasure of just lying together, taking solace in one another.
She breathed a softly amused little breath, her voice equally as quiet and fond. "Don't think I have anywhere to be just yet ... "
no subject
no subject
She easily accepted the kiss, returning it with vigor, mumbling something unintelligible as she gripped his arm a little tighter, too, wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible for as long as possible.
no subject
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)