"Yeah. I'm pretty sure you did. But uh - I'll explain that later."
He didn't startle, at the sudden grip on his hand, though he did grow a
little still.
"You've been in a bacta tank, recovering. For a... a long time. There's a
lot to explain, but I only understand maybe half of it, so - you can, uh,
look at the data logs yourself. Once you're feeling up to it. For now, just
try to take it slow."
Cassian's grip pulsed on Poe's hand. Carefully, Cassian pulled his other hand off of the floor and got to his feet.
"Show me," he said. His voice was still too warped and brain too addled to add please, but it was there; he was at Poe's mercy and knew it. Offering to let Cassian see information went a long way toward Cassian going with the desire to trust him. Perhaps learning more, fact or fiction, would help him get his mind back together.
Poe let out a long breath - almost a sigh - as he watched the man.
"... Alright." He said eventually. "But can I at least get you to sit down
while you do it?" He turned his head back to BB-8. "Buddy, can you pull up
all those files, again?"
Cassian assented by sinking against Poe for support.
He felt so tired. Like he'd been asleep for hundreds of years which only made his brain ache and exhausted him more. He wanted to believe what he was told and trust he was being helped, not tricked or trapped. Both because of how he felt, the absence of anything to grasp but this man Dameron, and Dameron himself having the kind of presence that made you want to be on (and at) his side.
But allowing such vulnerability, such intimacy, was not strategically unsound either. If at some point his strength and wherewithal returned, he could keep playing unsteady and dazed to tactical advantage. How and why did he think/know these things. Hopefully he was about to find out.
Poe braced himself to take Cassian's weight, then nodded to BB-8 when the
droid asked if they were ready.
It felt like a much shorter amount of time, to watch the feeds this time,
even though BB-8 didn't play any less than he had for Poe. It went through
everything, from beginning to end, and Poe was starting to be able to
understand a little of what had happened.
He was also starting to get a little freaked out by it, but that wasn't
exactly helpful, right now. So he kept that to himself.
As the feed scrolled, Cassian seemed largely unresponsive, though his eyes never closed or drifted from the viewscreen.
Then they reached the part where the woman who'd gotten him here, spoke. And Cassian's whole body went like a live wire.
Jyn…
It all came back to him in an instant. Not just the final mission: everything. His whole life, Fest to Scarif. And how it ended…
The rest of the video also clicked into place. The condition he and Jyn and both been in when they arrived. What the med droid had done to result in Cassian being here now. The unlikelihood of ever seeing Jyn again.
He stayed perfectly still and watched to the end… where 2-1B8 had been satisfied by BB-8 giving answering Alliance codes. That was good. That was needed.
Only then, when the record stopped, did Cassian react. Gropingly, Cassian pushed Poe clear of himself to double over and vomit on the floor.
As soon as Cassian moved to push him off, Poe took a step back, putting his
arms up, and - and then watched the pour guy puke his guts out. Okay.
Probably could have expected that reaction. But he really, really wasn't a
medic, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.
"Hey, bud - just sit down on the floor for a minute and try to breathe,
alright?"
All that came up was bacta, which had the unique effect of making Cassian's throat feel a bit better. Though left the rest of him feeling so weak, he instantly took Poe's advice.
It was some time later before he could speak again. "So it's been years. But you know Alliance codes."
Does that mean I can trust you?
But the eyes Cassian raised to Poe's were… (burdened) (haunted) miserable.
"... Not the same fight." He tried to say it gently, as he sat down on the
floor across from him. "The Empire fell. The Emperor, the Death Star, Darth
Vader - - they all fell with it. I know the Alliance codes because they
were the precursors to the New Republic codes, so they get picked up by the
system."
He wet his lips, watching Cassian a little sadly.
"But yeah. It's been years. I - I was born here on Yavin. Two years after
the Death Star was destroyed. After the data that Rogue One received helped
destroy it, before it destroyed Yavin instead."
For a moment, in Cassian's mind, he laid waste to the med bay with a club. Smashing the bacta tank over and over until it was itself sand. Turning the club onto 2-1B8… but even in fantasy, he couldn't strike even a deactivated droid. Especially one that had only done as Jyn asked it to.
Jyn.
All Cassian's life he'd fought what came naturally to him. He'd recognized all those things in her the first time he met Jyn. Doing what was right not just the right move; not sacrificing individuals to the big picture; trust, connection, humanity. Jyn had cracked the shell casing Cassian had maintained so laboriously, and the fissures went all the way through. In finding it in her, he'd been unable to keep denying it in himself. He wouldn't go back. Whether he ever saw her again. He wouldn't undo what she'd done.
So he set the unasked and unanswered aside and focused on the rest.
Which was that they'd won. The Death Star gone. The Empire gone.
I was born here on Yavin. Two years after…
So many things to extrapolate, and on some level of brain function, that was happening… but there was something else that had to happen first.
Slowly, Cassian sat properly upright. He closed the robe and wiped his mouth with the sleeve. Then looked back at Poe.
"You've already done a lot for me that you didn't have to," he said quietly. "Can I ask for one more thing?"
"... Yeah. Of course." If he sounded a little wary, it was because he was -
the guy was obviously going through a lot, and for good reason. So
he didn't really know what to expect.
"This is Base One, yeah? The Massassi Temple?" Cassian braced his hand on his knee, breathing measuredly. "I used to climb to the top. I don't think I could climb it right now. Do you have a ship—a way to get us up there?"
It occurred to him it might need saying: "I want to see the forest." Assuming it was still there. I.e. I promise not to jump off.
Cassian nodded heavily. "I can fit." It had taken him just over an hour to climb the temple. That would be a matter of seconds for an X-wing. Comfort needn't be a priority.
He wouldn't think as far as getting offplanet—or any other aspect of continued existence—until after. Seeing if this world, at least… was… … …still.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 12:17 am (UTC)"Not even a little," Poe said, offering a sympathetic smile. "But I think I know you. Just uh - just take it easy, you've been out for a while."
He ducked down, draping the robe over Cassian's back, the bacta fluid still on his skin seeping through the cloth.
"I'm Poe Dameron. Do you remember anything?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 01:14 am (UTC)"Dameron," said Cassian slowly. "I know a Dameron. But you're not him."
…No, shouldn't have said that aloud. Could be a trick.
…Why? To betray what?
"Out of what?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 01:19 am (UTC)"Yeah. I'm pretty sure you did. But uh - I'll explain that later."
He didn't startle, at the sudden grip on his hand, though he did grow a little still.
"You've been in a bacta tank, recovering. For a... a long time. There's a lot to explain, but I only understand maybe half of it, so - you can, uh, look at the data logs yourself. Once you're feeling up to it. For now, just try to take it slow."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 01:48 am (UTC)"Show me," he said. His voice was still too warped and brain too addled to add please, but it was there; he was at Poe's mercy and knew it. Offering to let Cassian see information went a long way toward Cassian going with the desire to trust him. Perhaps learning more, fact or fiction, would help him get his mind back together.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 01:57 am (UTC)Poe let out a long breath - almost a sigh - as he watched the man.
"... Alright." He said eventually. "But can I at least get you to sit down while you do it?" He turned his head back to BB-8. "Buddy, can you pull up all those files, again?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 02:07 am (UTC)He felt so tired. Like he'd been asleep for hundreds of years which only made his brain ache and exhausted him more. He wanted to believe what he was told and trust he was being helped, not tricked or trapped. Both because of how he felt, the absence of anything to grasp but this man Dameron, and Dameron himself having the kind of presence that made you want to be on (and at) his side.
But allowing such vulnerability, such intimacy, was not strategically unsound either. If at some point his strength and wherewithal returned, he could keep playing unsteady and dazed to tactical advantage. How and why did he think/know these things. Hopefully he was about to find out.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 02:20 am (UTC)Poe braced himself to take Cassian's weight, then nodded to BB-8 when the droid asked if they were ready.
It felt like a much shorter amount of time, to watch the feeds this time, even though BB-8 didn't play any less than he had for Poe. It went through everything, from beginning to end, and Poe was starting to be able to understand a little of what had happened.
He was also starting to get a little freaked out by it, but that wasn't exactly helpful, right now. So he kept that to himself.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 02:28 am (UTC)Then they reached the part where the woman who'd gotten him here, spoke. And Cassian's whole body went like a live wire.
Jyn…
It all came back to him in an instant. Not just the final mission: everything. His whole life, Fest to Scarif. And how it ended…
The rest of the video also clicked into place. The condition he and Jyn and both been in when they arrived. What the med droid had done to result in Cassian being here now. The unlikelihood of ever seeing Jyn again.
He stayed perfectly still and watched to the end… where 2-1B8 had been satisfied by BB-8 giving answering Alliance codes. That was good. That was needed.
Only then, when the record stopped, did Cassian react. Gropingly, Cassian pushed Poe clear of himself to double over and vomit on the floor.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 02:35 am (UTC)As soon as Cassian moved to push him off, Poe took a step back, putting his arms up, and - and then watched the pour guy puke his guts out. Okay. Probably could have expected that reaction. But he really, really wasn't a medic, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.
"Hey, bud - just sit down on the floor for a minute and try to breathe, alright?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 02:40 am (UTC)It was some time later before he could speak again. "So it's been years. But you know Alliance codes."
Does that mean I can trust you?
But the eyes Cassian raised to Poe's were… (burdened) (haunted) miserable.
"Does that mean… we're still fighting?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 02:54 am (UTC)"... Not the same fight." He tried to say it gently, as he sat down on the floor across from him. "The Empire fell. The Emperor, the Death Star, Darth Vader - - they all fell with it. I know the Alliance codes because they were the precursors to the New Republic codes, so they get picked up by the system."
He wet his lips, watching Cassian a little sadly.
"But yeah. It's been years. I - I was born here on Yavin. Two years after the Death Star was destroyed. After the data that Rogue One received helped destroy it, before it destroyed Yavin instead."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 03:04 am (UTC)So there is fighting.
For a moment, in Cassian's mind, he laid waste to the med bay with a club. Smashing the bacta tank over and over until it was itself sand. Turning the club onto 2-1B8… but even in fantasy, he couldn't strike even a deactivated droid. Especially one that had only done as Jyn asked it to.
Jyn.
All Cassian's life he'd fought what came naturally to him. He'd recognized all those things in her the first time he met Jyn. Doing what was right not just the right move; not sacrificing individuals to the big picture; trust, connection, humanity. Jyn had cracked the shell casing Cassian had maintained so laboriously, and the fissures went all the way through. In finding it in her, he'd been unable to keep denying it in himself. He wouldn't go back. Whether he ever saw her again. He wouldn't undo what she'd done.
So he set the unasked and unanswered aside and focused on the rest.
Which was that they'd won. The Death Star gone. The Empire gone.
I was born here on Yavin. Two years after…
So many things to extrapolate, and on some level of brain function, that was happening… but there was something else that had to happen first.
Slowly, Cassian sat properly upright. He closed the robe and wiped his mouth with the sleeve. Then looked back at Poe.
"You've already done a lot for me that you didn't have to," he said quietly. "Can I ask for one more thing?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 03:09 am (UTC)"... Yeah. Of course." If he sounded a little wary, it was because he was - the guy was obviously going through a lot, and for good reason. So he didn't really know what to expect.
But asking was harmless, at least.
"What is it?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 03:17 am (UTC)It occurred to him it might need saying: "I want to see the forest." Assuming it was still there. I.e. I promise not to jump off.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 03:20 am (UTC)Oh. Shit. That was a good point.
"Uh - yeah, but just my X-wing. It's not exactly a two-seater, but... you might be able to squish yourself in behind me."
It wasn't going to work to get them off planet, though. For that...
For that, he might need to go home.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 03:29 am (UTC)He wouldn't think as far as getting offplanet—or any other aspect of continued existence—until after. Seeing if this world, at least… was… … …still.