"Oh… right…" He'd forgotten his own Imperial look. (More unprecedented things… he felt so much like himself with her, now…)
He twined his fingers with hers, and raised his head enough to kiss her fingertips. "Yes, please. I'm glad." And with a slightly more… actually… mischievous smile: "…And I know I can… and will—but I doubt it." With which, he started kissing a line back down her body. And slowly, gently—so much so—crooked the finger inside her, to start to press and run gently, to the front. The other side from where his lips and tongue again claimed their devoted place.
It did beg the question - what did Cassian look like when he wasn't conforming to regulation standards? Oh, did she want the chance to find out.
Jyn breathed out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle, her smile lifting just a little, even though she was struggling to find the words to express everything that she was feeling. This is all so unexpected, she thought, I never thought that I'd find anything like this, but I'm glad I did with you.
She would have teased him in return, but any semblance of composure - and breath - left her body in a rush as her synapses fired back into life at the continuation of kisses so soft they made her shiver, the additional motion of his finger, and that …
Well. The thigh that had been quivering suddenly quaked and she laughed breathlessly, pushing back into the pillows so hard that she was almost afraid they'd burst. So she had zero frame of reference for any of this. That didn't stop her from gasping - "You're so good. So, so good."
He was monitoring her responses carefully, for pain or discomfort or anything ambiguous. That was so unambiguous, he would have smiled if his mouth weren't otherwise engaged.
You're so good… …that could have given him pause. He was only good because he'd been trained. And he'd been trained because… What would it be like, (he'd wondered, in a moment of weakness—because he couldn't afford these thoughts; because he always had to imagine himself away) —to do this because he actually wanted to? With someone he liked?
However. In her voice, its effort and breath, her body language, and her hand still in his… all he felt was… that thrill of… passing between them… (The Force?) A bit lightheaded, not entirely convinced he wasn't dreaming; except the feel and smell and taste of her (all beautiful), and the renewed throb of his own reaction—real. This is real. …Not just awake but… real.
Because he did want to. And he did like her. He liked her so much.
(He loved…)
That did it. He wanted to make her climax more badly than he needed to, himself. If she didn't or couldn't, that was fine, he knew they were both enjoying this either way. But mother of skies, he was going to try.
He knew not to go too forceful or fast, not exert too much pressure, no jerkiness; keep it fluid and soft. But that didn't mean it couldn't intensify.
And he did that now. His every touch, hand and mouth, centered in on that one place, that one nerve cluster, from both sides, out an in; and it could no longer be called kissing because now there was no interruption, no empty space of air, no changing speeds: just heat and wet and soft tissues and epithelials and the insistent complementary rhythm of fingerpad and tongue like ocean waves and both their heartbeats thudding through that exquisite—beloved place.
Pain was the very last thing in her mind. Truth be told, most thoughts were too slippery to hold onto for very long at all. Good thing, then, that she could concentrate on Cassian instead, all the pleasure that he was giving her that she never imagined was even possible.
If she thought even for a second that she'd hurt him even inadvertently, the guilt would prove too difficult to bear. She hadn't meant that he was good because he had to be. She had only meant to say in her own clumsy way that this was better than she had ever imagined it would be because it was happening with him. Somehow, Jyn knew that she never would have felt the same about anyone else, and if she'd been married to anyone else, just another cog in the Empire's machine, this would've felt like just another perfunctory task expected of her since she was old enough to comply.
But this - ? This wasn't duty, this was love.
And then Cassian intensified … everything … and Jyn entered another plane of sensation entirely, her body shuddering from head to foot and back again as she was inundated with bolts of excited electricity pinging up and down the length of her spine.
Too much, too much, too much … and she couldn't hold off the inevitable forever. Vaguely, Jyn recognized that she was making noises, but for the life of her, she did not recognize her own voice, so wrecked with need as she moaned her appreciation and enjoyment.
Stars, she was going to lose control, she was barely holding on as it was.
"I - I want … oh - ! P - please, please … "
She was probably babbling, but hopefully he knew the message she was desperately attempting to get across.
He loved her moans. Which might be told by his hand squeezing hers with each and every one.
He shifted himself a little—not interrupting mouth or fingers at all—so he could put his bicep against the muscle of her thigh; and pressed in, slowly, altering the angle, raising her just so…
And then she spoke words, that made him jolt a little against the mattress with his own hard knotted desire. But didn't stop anything he was doing, within (slipping another finger beside the first) or (loving her) without; not even to speak or smile. Keep it… build to… yes…
But he pressed his palm to hers and squeezed her hand firmly, tightly; holding close there so elsewhere she might let go.
Jyn found no reason to protest as Cassian shifted positions and helped her do the same, and all without disrupting the actions that were bound to bring her over the edge sooner rather than later.
In fact, when she found her hips lifted just so and then added another finger next to the first, her vision went blank momentarily, her grip of his hand just as firm, just as anchoring.
Her breath caught in her throat, but she asked for no time to acclimate, just took in the sensation of feeling more full than she ever had before, the addition making each thrust all the more powerful. Again, again, again, until she just couldn't take it anymore.
Her vision burst into bright, blinding color as waves of pure sensation began breaking over her, and she couldn't be sure whether or not she called out for Cassian, but somehow still hoped that her moans - her sighs and whimpers and other noises were all for him, all because of him, and how unbelievably happy she was in the moment.
He gathered embraced drank in her release, pulling it into himself, the energy (FORCE?) exploding around them, what radiated from her in waves, all the vibrations, all the light, everything… he felt blinded and spent and wondered at having never experienced anything like this before.
Slowly, gently, he drew his fingers away, kissing her where they left… slowly, carefully, he pushed himself up, to the side, around her leg; then up, and forward, to her side. Until his face was at a level with hers, and he braced himself softly beside her, brushing the lightest touch of one finger across one cheek.
"Thank you," he murmured, face blushed and glowing as much as hers.
It felt like a lifetime had passed before Jyn was able to come back to herself in bits and pieces at a time - gaining control of trembling limbs, being able to blink open her eyes, to focus on the tiny aftershocks as they pinged random nerve endings in turn, to welcome Cassian close to her side, every bit of her expression warm and fond and in awe of what she'd just experienced.
At least until he thanked her - and for a moment, she looked puzzled. "What did I do?"
Jyn Erso had never really been great at following directions. In the moment, she had never felt more grateful for that fact. Her smile softened and she leaned in close to offer the most gentlest of kisses.
"I do trust you", she murmured, words muffled against his mouth. "I love you."
He closed his eyes and kissed her, back; voice gone but lips forming the words too: I love you.
His weight still on one arm beside her; he turned just enough to drape his other arm over her chest, and let his head fall to the pillow beside hers, touching her cheek with his profile. Just enough of their chests pressed together for each to feel the other's heart.
(Another pulse still beat lower down, but he didn't seem intent to do anything about it.)
Cassian didn't need to say anything for Jyn to feel it.
She felt it as he mouthed it against her lips. She felt it in the way he curled his arms around her and laid close, found a way to maintain contact in the sweetest of ways, felt it in the way his heart beat in rhythm with her own.
So many things she wanted to ask, her mind too jumbled to pick any one question out. Do you want me to and should I reciprocate and did you like that and can we do that again and do you want more I think I'm ready ...
But she settled with gently stroking a thumb against his arm where it laid across her chest - not holding her down, just keeping her close as possible.
For a while, there was nothing but their hearts and synchronizing breath. (He did that on purpose; matching to hers.) He only moved after a while to raise his arm from underneath himself to stretching it out under the pillow, before it could fall asleep. His hand peeked out from under the cushion and he used it to gently swirl a lock of her hair around his finger.
Inwardly, he was simultaneously relishing the lingering moment, while also deescalating his own arousal. Assuming, at least for now, they were finished.
So the next move, if there was going to be one, was probably up to her.
For a while, nothing more needed to be said. Jyn was perfectly content to lie together as she came back to herself, one heartbeat at a time. While she huffed out a breath when he shifted positions and moved his arm into something more comfortable, Jyn was more than happy to continue tracing tiny circles into the skin of his shoulder as he played with her loose hair.
Perhaps it was inevitable that her curiosity was bound to get the best of her eventually.
Still, she felt a bit ridiculous as her fingers stilled and she took a quick, sharp breath, her voice quiet but not as steady as she would have liked as she spoke out - otherwise she never would, and the moment would be lost.
"I - I'm not ready to stop yet. I still want ... you."
…what was that about deescalating…? Any success he'd had there abruptly reversed—close enough to her thigh, she could certainly feel it.
Deciding not to let that be his only response, Cassian drew back his arm just enough to prop himself up; enough to look into her eyes. His had those crinkles beside them that made them radiant. Behind them—though his body had already (unambiguously) answered—his mind was visibly racing to try and find a decent set of words. It didn't take long. Warm and clearly joking with the understatement, he settled for: "That works for me."
His fingers stayed light on her cheek. The rest of him leaned, also gently, over her. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, her cheek, her lips. Then he drew back—very little, their breath still mingling; and he murmured, "Any preference how?"
Jyn noticed. It was impossible not to feel the heat from his body so tantalizingly close enough to touch.
For the moment, Jyn thought better of it. Or, rather, she had better things to concentrate on, such as the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, which she reached up to gently trace with the pads of her thumbs. She breathed out the hint of a chuckle, and as best she could, shrugged one shoulder. "Good."
He kissed her - forehead first, cheek, lips, and Jyn's heart beat a little faster with each carefully placed peck. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks pink but perhaps it was the way she paused to think that revealed (again) just how naively innocent she still was.
His response could have had darker associations. But they had no place here, with her. And here, with her, he was… incredibly… maybe for the first time… not lost in them.
"Especially in this," he murmured back, "I don't think there's such a thing as normal."
He breathed a laugh, about to be more candid than he was when he pretended to be smooth. Including his uncertainties. "I don't wanna be clinical…" (Obviously, anyway.) "But… you know… different positions can be good for different things… And… with what I know, I can guess what might… work, well, at a particular moment.
"But… there's no amount of knowledge anyone can have that's better than… knowing… each other. And ourselves.
"And getting to know… isn't something that has to happen in advance. It's… part of it. a great part.”
Jyn could have guessed, given what little conversation they had had about his time with the Grendreefs. And that was before their emotionally taxing interaction in the park - she could hardly believe that it had all taken place just a few scant hours ago.
Despite her inexperience, if she had gotten any inkling of Cassian's discomfort, she would have put a stop to their activities posthaste. Yes, she wanted this, but not more than she wanted him to want it - to want her - too.
She observed him closely as he spoke, her questioning smile slowly softening, widening to hear his explanation (and his laugh - she could listen to him laugh every day for the rest of her life and never get enough), and so grateful to hear that this was going to be less about getting the actions just right and more about ...
Exploring what worked for them instead.
"Then ... I don't want to worry about whether or not I'm doing it right. I want us to know each other. And ... I want to figure out what we like."
He hadn't thought he could get much harder, but, her saying that, and the incredible sight of her under him, looking up at him; his pupils dilated all the way and he had to bite his lip not to sound like he'd been punched. (If there's a good way to be punched.)
…But, why suppress when… he actually… didn't need to…?
His face relaxed into a smile, radiant in drinking in her smile, her features. Eyes roaming her face, but always coming back to hers. Then he moved that last little bit, so their bodies were parallel, then pressed together; and, still slow, still gentle, but no longer tentative, he lowered his face again, his lips to her throat, her neck, her mouth.
In their too-short time together, Jyn had never seen Cassian so openly and incredulously and incandescently happy. If she thought she had loved him with all she was before ... she had been sadly mistaken.
Her heart bloomed with affection and adoration and the renewed (if silent) assurance that she was with him, no matter what tomorrow or the day after or the future brought them.
Her fingers were gentle as she settled them against his shoulder, relishing the warmth of his skin, and she welcomed him nearer, tipped her chin up so that he could press kisses wherever the urge struck, wanted -
Oh, stars, she wanted it all.
"Just - ", she dared to whisper, barely louder than a sigh, "Go slow."
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He twined his fingers with hers, and raised his head enough to kiss her fingertips. "Yes, please. I'm glad." And with a slightly more… actually… mischievous smile: "…And I know I can… and will—but I doubt it." With which, he started kissing a line back down her body. And slowly, gently—so much so—crooked the finger inside her, to start to press and run gently, to the front. The other side from where his lips and tongue again claimed their devoted place.
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Jyn breathed out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle, her smile lifting just a little, even though she was struggling to find the words to express everything that she was feeling. This is all so unexpected, she thought, I never thought that I'd find anything like this, but I'm glad I did with you.
She would have teased him in return, but any semblance of composure - and breath - left her body in a rush as her synapses fired back into life at the continuation of kisses so soft they made her shiver, the additional motion of his finger, and that …
Well. The thigh that had been quivering suddenly quaked and she laughed breathlessly, pushing back into the pillows so hard that she was almost afraid they'd burst. So she had zero frame of reference for any of this. That didn't stop her from gasping - "You're so good. So, so good."
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You're so good… …that could have given him pause. He was only good because he'd been trained. And he'd been trained because…
What would it be like, (he'd wondered, in a moment of weakness—because he couldn't afford these thoughts; because he always had to imagine himself away) —to do this because he actually wanted to? With someone he liked?
However. In her voice, its effort and breath, her body language, and her hand still in his… all he felt was… that thrill of… passing between them… (The Force?) A bit lightheaded, not entirely convinced he wasn't dreaming; except the feel and smell and taste of her (all beautiful), and the renewed throb of his own reaction—real. This is real. …Not just awake but… real.
Because he did want to. And he did like her. He liked her so much.
(He loved…)
That did it. He wanted to make her climax more badly than he needed to, himself. If she didn't or couldn't, that was fine, he knew they were both enjoying this either way. But mother of skies, he was going to try.
He knew not to go too forceful or fast, not exert too much pressure, no jerkiness; keep it fluid and soft. But that didn't mean it couldn't intensify.
And he did that now. His every touch, hand and mouth, centered in on that one place, that one nerve cluster, from both sides, out an in; and it could no longer be called kissing because now there was no interruption, no empty space of air, no changing speeds: just heat and wet and soft tissues and epithelials and the insistent complementary rhythm of fingerpad and tongue like ocean waves and both their heartbeats thudding through that exquisite—beloved place.
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If she thought even for a second that she'd hurt him even inadvertently, the guilt would prove too difficult to bear. She hadn't meant that he was good because he had to be. She had only meant to say in her own clumsy way that this was better than she had ever imagined it would be because it was happening with him. Somehow, Jyn knew that she never would have felt the same about anyone else, and if she'd been married to anyone else, just another cog in the Empire's machine, this would've felt like just another perfunctory task expected of her since she was old enough to comply.
But this - ? This wasn't duty, this was love.
And then Cassian intensified … everything … and Jyn entered another plane of sensation entirely, her body shuddering from head to foot and back again as she was inundated with bolts of excited electricity pinging up and down the length of her spine.
Too much, too much, too much … and she couldn't hold off the inevitable forever. Vaguely, Jyn recognized that she was making noises, but for the life of her, she did not recognize her own voice, so wrecked with need as she moaned her appreciation and enjoyment.
Stars, she was going to lose control, she was barely holding on as it was.
"I - I want … oh - ! P - please, please … "
She was probably babbling, but hopefully he knew the message she was desperately attempting to get across.
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He shifted himself a little—not interrupting mouth or fingers at all—so he could put his bicep against the muscle of her thigh; and pressed in, slowly, altering the angle, raising her just so…
And then she spoke words, that made him jolt a little against the mattress with his own hard knotted desire. But didn't stop anything he was doing, within (slipping another finger beside the first) or (loving her) without; not even to speak or smile. Keep it… build to… yes…
But he pressed his palm to hers and squeezed her hand firmly, tightly; holding close there so elsewhere she might let go.
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In fact, when she found her hips lifted just so and then added another finger next to the first, her vision went blank momentarily, her grip of his hand just as firm, just as anchoring.
Her breath caught in her throat, but she asked for no time to acclimate, just took in the sensation of feeling more full than she ever had before, the addition making each thrust all the more powerful. Again, again, again, until she just couldn't take it anymore.
Her vision burst into bright, blinding color as waves of pure sensation began breaking over her, and she couldn't be sure whether or not she called out for Cassian, but somehow still hoped that her moans - her sighs and whimpers and other noises were all for him, all because of him, and how unbelievably happy she was in the moment.
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Slowly, gently, he drew his fingers away, kissing her where they left… slowly, carefully, he pushed himself up, to the side, around her leg; then up, and forward, to her side. Until his face was at a level with hers, and he braced himself softly beside her, brushing the lightest touch of one finger across one cheek.
"Thank you," he murmured, face blushed and glowing as much as hers.
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At least until he thanked her - and for a moment, she looked puzzled. "What did I do?"
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Quietly, Cassian Andor said, "You trusted me."
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"I do trust you", she murmured, words muffled against his mouth. "I love you."
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His weight still on one arm beside her; he turned just enough to drape his other arm over her chest, and let his head fall to the pillow beside hers, touching her cheek with his profile. Just enough of their chests pressed together for each to feel the other's heart.
(Another pulse still beat lower down, but he didn't seem intent to do anything about it.)
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She felt it as he mouthed it against her lips. She felt it in the way he curled his arms around her and laid close, found a way to maintain contact in the sweetest of ways, felt it in the way his heart beat in rhythm with her own.
So many things she wanted to ask, her mind too jumbled to pick any one question out. Do you want me to and should I reciprocate and did you like that and can we do that again and do you want more I think I'm ready ...
But she settled with gently stroking a thumb against his arm where it laid across her chest - not holding her down, just keeping her close as possible.
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Inwardly, he was simultaneously relishing the lingering moment, while also deescalating his own arousal. Assuming, at least for now, they were finished.
So the next move, if there was going to be one, was probably up to her.
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Perhaps it was inevitable that her curiosity was bound to get the best of her eventually.
Still, she felt a bit ridiculous as her fingers stilled and she took a quick, sharp breath, her voice quiet but not as steady as she would have liked as she spoke out - otherwise she never would, and the moment would be lost.
"I - I'm not ready to stop yet. I still want ... you."
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Deciding not to let that be his only response, Cassian drew back his arm just enough to prop himself up; enough to look into her eyes. His had those crinkles beside them that made them radiant. Behind them—though his body had already (unambiguously) answered—his mind was visibly racing to try and find a decent set of words. It didn't take long. Warm and clearly joking with the understatement, he settled for: "That works for me."
His fingers stayed light on her cheek. The rest of him leaned, also gently, over her. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, her cheek, her lips. Then he drew back—very little, their breath still mingling; and he murmured, "Any preference how?"
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For the moment, Jyn thought better of it. Or, rather, she had better things to concentrate on, such as the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, which she reached up to gently trace with the pads of her thumbs. She breathed out the hint of a chuckle, and as best she could, shrugged one shoulder. "Good."
He kissed her - forehead first, cheek, lips, and Jyn's heart beat a little faster with each carefully placed peck. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks pink but perhaps it was the way she paused to think that revealed (again) just how naively innocent she still was.
"How do people ... normally - ?"
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"Especially in this," he murmured back, "I don't think there's such a thing as normal."
He breathed a laugh, about to be more candid than he was when he pretended to be smooth. Including his uncertainties. "I don't wanna be clinical…" (Obviously, anyway.) "But… you know… different positions can be good for different things… And… with what I know, I can guess what might… work, well, at a particular moment.
"But… there's no amount of knowledge anyone can have that's better than… knowing… each other. And ourselves.
"And getting to know… isn't something that has to happen in advance. It's… part of it. a great part.”
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Despite her inexperience, if she had gotten any inkling of Cassian's discomfort, she would have put a stop to their activities posthaste. Yes, she wanted this, but not more than she wanted him to want it - to want her - too.
She observed him closely as he spoke, her questioning smile slowly softening, widening to hear his explanation (and his laugh - she could listen to him laugh every day for the rest of her life and never get enough), and so grateful to hear that this was going to be less about getting the actions just right and more about ...
Exploring what worked for them instead.
"Then ... I don't want to worry about whether or not I'm doing it right. I want us to know each other. And ... I want to figure out what we like."
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…But, why suppress when… he actually… didn't need to…?
His face relaxed into a smile, radiant in drinking in her smile, her features. Eyes roaming her face, but always coming back to hers. Then he moved that last little bit, so their bodies were parallel, then pressed together; and, still slow, still gentle, but no longer tentative, he lowered his face again, his lips to her throat, her neck, her mouth.
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Her heart bloomed with affection and adoration and the renewed (if silent) assurance that she was with him, no matter what tomorrow or the day after or the future brought them.
Her fingers were gentle as she settled them against his shoulder, relishing the warmth of his skin, and she welcomed him nearer, tipped her chin up so that he could press kisses wherever the urge struck, wanted -
Oh, stars, she wanted it all.
"Just - ", she dared to whisper, barely louder than a sigh, "Go slow."