Cassian didn't need to say anything for Jyn to feel it.
She felt it as he mouthed it against her lips. She felt it in the way he curled his arms around her and laid close, found a way to maintain contact in the sweetest of ways, felt it in the way his heart beat in rhythm with her own.
So many things she wanted to ask, her mind too jumbled to pick any one question out. Do you want me to and should I reciprocate and did you like that and can we do that again and do you want more I think I'm ready ...
But she settled with gently stroking a thumb against his arm where it laid across her chest - not holding her down, just keeping her close as possible.
For a while, there was nothing but their hearts and synchronizing breath. (He did that on purpose; matching to hers.) He only moved after a while to raise his arm from underneath himself to stretching it out under the pillow, before it could fall asleep. His hand peeked out from under the cushion and he used it to gently swirl a lock of her hair around his finger.
Inwardly, he was simultaneously relishing the lingering moment, while also deescalating his own arousal. Assuming, at least for now, they were finished.
So the next move, if there was going to be one, was probably up to her.
For a while, nothing more needed to be said. Jyn was perfectly content to lie together as she came back to herself, one heartbeat at a time. While she huffed out a breath when he shifted positions and moved his arm into something more comfortable, Jyn was more than happy to continue tracing tiny circles into the skin of his shoulder as he played with her loose hair.
Perhaps it was inevitable that her curiosity was bound to get the best of her eventually.
Still, she felt a bit ridiculous as her fingers stilled and she took a quick, sharp breath, her voice quiet but not as steady as she would have liked as she spoke out - otherwise she never would, and the moment would be lost.
"I - I'm not ready to stop yet. I still want ... you."
…what was that about deescalating…? Any success he'd had there abruptly reversed—close enough to her thigh, she could certainly feel it.
Deciding not to let that be his only response, Cassian drew back his arm just enough to prop himself up; enough to look into her eyes. His had those crinkles beside them that made them radiant. Behind them—though his body had already (unambiguously) answered—his mind was visibly racing to try and find a decent set of words. It didn't take long. Warm and clearly joking with the understatement, he settled for: "That works for me."
His fingers stayed light on her cheek. The rest of him leaned, also gently, over her. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, her cheek, her lips. Then he drew back—very little, their breath still mingling; and he murmured, "Any preference how?"
Jyn noticed. It was impossible not to feel the heat from his body so tantalizingly close enough to touch.
For the moment, Jyn thought better of it. Or, rather, she had better things to concentrate on, such as the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, which she reached up to gently trace with the pads of her thumbs. She breathed out the hint of a chuckle, and as best she could, shrugged one shoulder. "Good."
He kissed her - forehead first, cheek, lips, and Jyn's heart beat a little faster with each carefully placed peck. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks pink but perhaps it was the way she paused to think that revealed (again) just how naively innocent she still was.
His response could have had darker associations. But they had no place here, with her. And here, with her, he was… incredibly… maybe for the first time… not lost in them.
"Especially in this," he murmured back, "I don't think there's such a thing as normal."
He breathed a laugh, about to be more candid than he was when he pretended to be smooth. Including his uncertainties. "I don't wanna be clinical…" (Obviously, anyway.) "But… you know… different positions can be good for different things… And… with what I know, I can guess what might… work, well, at a particular moment.
"But… there's no amount of knowledge anyone can have that's better than… knowing… each other. And ourselves.
"And getting to know… isn't something that has to happen in advance. It's… part of it. a great part.”
Jyn could have guessed, given what little conversation they had had about his time with the Grendreefs. And that was before their emotionally taxing interaction in the park - she could hardly believe that it had all taken place just a few scant hours ago.
Despite her inexperience, if she had gotten any inkling of Cassian's discomfort, she would have put a stop to their activities posthaste. Yes, she wanted this, but not more than she wanted him to want it - to want her - too.
She observed him closely as he spoke, her questioning smile slowly softening, widening to hear his explanation (and his laugh - she could listen to him laugh every day for the rest of her life and never get enough), and so grateful to hear that this was going to be less about getting the actions just right and more about ...
Exploring what worked for them instead.
"Then ... I don't want to worry about whether or not I'm doing it right. I want us to know each other. And ... I want to figure out what we like."
He hadn't thought he could get much harder, but, her saying that, and the incredible sight of her under him, looking up at him; his pupils dilated all the way and he had to bite his lip not to sound like he'd been punched. (If there's a good way to be punched.)
…But, why suppress when… he actually… didn't need to…?
His face relaxed into a smile, radiant in drinking in her smile, her features. Eyes roaming her face, but always coming back to hers. Then he moved that last little bit, so their bodies were parallel, then pressed together; and, still slow, still gentle, but no longer tentative, he lowered his face again, his lips to her throat, her neck, her mouth.
In their too-short time together, Jyn had never seen Cassian so openly and incredulously and incandescently happy. If she thought she had loved him with all she was before ... she had been sadly mistaken.
Her heart bloomed with affection and adoration and the renewed (if silent) assurance that she was with him, no matter what tomorrow or the day after or the future brought them.
Her fingers were gentle as she settled them against his shoulder, relishing the warmth of his skin, and she welcomed him nearer, tipped her chin up so that he could press kisses wherever the urge struck, wanted -
Oh, stars, she wanted it all.
"Just - ", she dared to whisper, barely louder than a sigh, "Go slow."
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no subject
She felt it as he mouthed it against her lips. She felt it in the way he curled his arms around her and laid close, found a way to maintain contact in the sweetest of ways, felt it in the way his heart beat in rhythm with her own.
So many things she wanted to ask, her mind too jumbled to pick any one question out. Do you want me to and should I reciprocate and did you like that and can we do that again and do you want more I think I'm ready ...
But she settled with gently stroking a thumb against his arm where it laid across her chest - not holding her down, just keeping her close as possible.
no subject
Inwardly, he was simultaneously relishing the lingering moment, while also deescalating his own arousal. Assuming, at least for now, they were finished.
So the next move, if there was going to be one, was probably up to her.
no subject
Perhaps it was inevitable that her curiosity was bound to get the best of her eventually.
Still, she felt a bit ridiculous as her fingers stilled and she took a quick, sharp breath, her voice quiet but not as steady as she would have liked as she spoke out - otherwise she never would, and the moment would be lost.
"I - I'm not ready to stop yet. I still want ... you."
no subject
Deciding not to let that be his only response, Cassian drew back his arm just enough to prop himself up; enough to look into her eyes. His had those crinkles beside them that made them radiant. Behind them—though his body had already (unambiguously) answered—his mind was visibly racing to try and find a decent set of words. It didn't take long. Warm and clearly joking with the understatement, he settled for: "That works for me."
His fingers stayed light on her cheek. The rest of him leaned, also gently, over her. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, her cheek, her lips. Then he drew back—very little, their breath still mingling; and he murmured, "Any preference how?"
no subject
For the moment, Jyn thought better of it. Or, rather, she had better things to concentrate on, such as the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, which she reached up to gently trace with the pads of her thumbs. She breathed out the hint of a chuckle, and as best she could, shrugged one shoulder. "Good."
He kissed her - forehead first, cheek, lips, and Jyn's heart beat a little faster with each carefully placed peck. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks pink but perhaps it was the way she paused to think that revealed (again) just how naively innocent she still was.
"How do people ... normally - ?"
no subject
"Especially in this," he murmured back, "I don't think there's such a thing as normal."
He breathed a laugh, about to be more candid than he was when he pretended to be smooth. Including his uncertainties. "I don't wanna be clinical…" (Obviously, anyway.) "But… you know… different positions can be good for different things… And… with what I know, I can guess what might… work, well, at a particular moment.
"But… there's no amount of knowledge anyone can have that's better than… knowing… each other. And ourselves.
"And getting to know… isn't something that has to happen in advance. It's… part of it. a great part.”
no subject
Despite her inexperience, if she had gotten any inkling of Cassian's discomfort, she would have put a stop to their activities posthaste. Yes, she wanted this, but not more than she wanted him to want it - to want her - too.
She observed him closely as he spoke, her questioning smile slowly softening, widening to hear his explanation (and his laugh - she could listen to him laugh every day for the rest of her life and never get enough), and so grateful to hear that this was going to be less about getting the actions just right and more about ...
Exploring what worked for them instead.
"Then ... I don't want to worry about whether or not I'm doing it right. I want us to know each other. And ... I want to figure out what we like."
no subject
…But, why suppress when… he actually… didn't need to…?
His face relaxed into a smile, radiant in drinking in her smile, her features. Eyes roaming her face, but always coming back to hers. Then he moved that last little bit, so their bodies were parallel, then pressed together; and, still slow, still gentle, but no longer tentative, he lowered his face again, his lips to her throat, her neck, her mouth.
no subject
Her heart bloomed with affection and adoration and the renewed (if silent) assurance that she was with him, no matter what tomorrow or the day after or the future brought them.
Her fingers were gentle as she settled them against his shoulder, relishing the warmth of his skin, and she welcomed him nearer, tipped her chin up so that he could press kisses wherever the urge struck, wanted -
Oh, stars, she wanted it all.
"Just - ", she dared to whisper, barely louder than a sigh, "Go slow."