Even if Cassian never knew it, he had become her guiding light, the beacon that called her back home, and if that beacon had ever gone out, she would have been lost.

Jyn had never admitted as such out loud, and wasn't even sure that she even could. Maybe they would have had a chance in another life, but in this one? Maybe they were both too irreparably damaged for it. Or maybe she was too much of a coward to find out.

But she could memorize every moment of this, especially how careful Cassian was as he carefully entwined their fingers and guided those clasped hands to settle against the shelf of their knees.

She wished she had a good answer to Cassian's question, but the truth was (as he probably already knew) that she tried not to live in the past or in what if situations. She couldn't change what had already come to pass and living in fantasy was useless and would only serve to break her broken heart and the further.

The only way forward was to keep her eyes on the present. No more, no less.

"I've tried not to", she replied, fingers flexing unconsciously. "But I like to think that I would've been happy. What about you?"