It was hard to keep his eyes open, but he did until the door closed behind her.

Then at last he closed them, letting his head fall back, and his lips part to drag in deeper breaths.

…And stopped judging himself for it… how ludicrous, how strange, why here and now when he'd gotten so good at never allowing it elsewhere and elsewhen, why her, what the hell…

and just, in the safety of his own mind, allowed it.

Allowed imagining the feel of her in his arms, until the comfort of the fantasy let him fall into sleep.