There was a lot to unpack, including the fact that his partner seemed to be a droid that had been made for murder, the hidden ship, his true identity and what he had been sent here to accomplish in the first place.
But he had asked what she had overheard, and what she had overheard was precisely what he'd told the droid - Kay, as he'd called it, the he didn't think he could continue lying, that he wanted what they had to be real, that he thought he loved her.
All the things she had laid awake and wondered about. How could any of it have been real when it had all been based on lies? How naïve and stupid was she to still want something between them to be genuine? If she was loyal to her uncle, to the only life that she had ever known, she would've turned Cassian in the moment that she had gotten far enough away from the ship to do so safely.
But here they were. And even though there was only inches between them, Jyn felt like she would never be able to bridge the distance ever again ... or even if Cassian wanted her to. In her lap, her fingers flexed, but Jyn did not reach out to him, no matter how overwhelming the desire was.
The little knot between her brows furrowed all the deeper and she shook her head from side to side. What's changed, she wanted to ask, what makes me so different?
"Of course I want to know who you are", she replied thickly. "But I don't think that I'm necessarily a part of your assignment. I think I'm incidental to it - I'm no Admiral - and that anything you find out from me or because of me is in addition to the mission at hand. Am I wrong?"
She took a shaky breath before continuing. "Do you really think I'm so evil as to want to turn you in knowing that they would torture you for information and then kill you? Do you think that I'd take pleasure in knowing it? I'm not that cold-hearted, Cassian."
"I don't think we'd be having this conversation if your intent was to harm me. I think you would have done it back in the trees, not out in the open. What I do wonder is why you even came back if you knew that you were compromised."
Another pause. A heartbeat, another -
"I wonder if anything I thought we had or were beginning to have was real. I wonder if the person I thought I loved ever really existed at all. Why are you still here, Cassian?"
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-08-26 04:56 pm (UTC)But he had asked what she had overheard, and what she had overheard was precisely what he'd told the droid - Kay, as he'd called it, the he didn't think he could continue lying, that he wanted what they had to be real, that he thought he loved her.
All the things she had laid awake and wondered about. How could any of it have been real when it had all been based on lies? How naïve and stupid was she to still want something between them to be genuine? If she was loyal to her uncle, to the only life that she had ever known, she would've turned Cassian in the moment that she had gotten far enough away from the ship to do so safely.
But here they were. And even though there was only inches between them, Jyn felt like she would never be able to bridge the distance ever again ... or even if Cassian wanted her to. In her lap, her fingers flexed, but Jyn did not reach out to him, no matter how overwhelming the desire was.
The little knot between her brows furrowed all the deeper and she shook her head from side to side. What's changed, she wanted to ask, what makes me so different?
"Of course I want to know who you are", she replied thickly. "But I don't think that I'm necessarily a part of your assignment. I think I'm incidental to it - I'm no Admiral - and that anything you find out from me or because of me is in addition to the mission at hand. Am I wrong?"
She took a shaky breath before continuing. "Do you really think I'm so evil as to want to turn you in knowing that they would torture you for information and then kill you? Do you think that I'd take pleasure in knowing it? I'm not that cold-hearted, Cassian."
"I don't think we'd be having this conversation if your intent was to harm me. I think you would have done it back in the trees, not out in the open. What I do wonder is why you even came back if you knew that you were compromised."
Another pause. A heartbeat, another -
"I wonder if anything I thought we had or were beginning to have was real. I wonder if the person I thought I loved ever really existed at all. Why are you still here, Cassian?"